Joanne Wolf

Joanne Wolf lives in Los Angeles and is the author of 'Phyllis Willis-Barbour: A Life." You can get to know and love her by visiting her website.

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Caitlyn Jenner's Show Is Cancelled After Two Seasons

She'll still be Cait though, until further notice.

Caitlyn Jenner's reality show has been cancelled after only two seasons, she revealed in a chipper tweet, saying 'it's time for a new adventure.'

Uh-oh.

But don't worry, she won't be leaving your TV screen. She will return to the family cash cow (no, I'm not shaming Kim here), Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

E Entertainment issued a face-saving statement about the cancellation:

We are incredibly proud of the two seasons of I Am Cait, a groundbreaking docuseries that sparked an important and unprecedented global conversation about transgender people, their struggles and triumphs. Caitlyn and E! have mutually decided not to move forward with another season at this time. She will always remain a part of the E! family, and we look forward to continue following her journey as she appears on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

In layman's terms, this means:

'Nobody watched the show. Bye.'

Caitlyn will continue to remind us of her transgenderedness by appearing on the third season of Amazon's series Transparent.

One reason for I am Cait's low numbers may have been her shaky status within the transgender community.

She is widely resented for her white privilege and perceived grandstanding about her transition.

A Facebook page called I Ain't Cait announced the show's cancellation with the headline 'Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead.'

Caitlyn will continue to struggle for acceptance in the community, but her stance on various issues (e.g. her Republican politics) may continue to cause resentment.

How will she reintegrate into the family show, we have to wonder, having vacated to prove that she was a star in her own right?

Remember when she announced triumphantly. 'I was the real story all along!?'

Well, there will always be a story if your name is Jenner or Kardashian.

I would like to see her fight with her daughters over clothes and handbags, or maybe make a grab for Kris's 'boyfriend' Corey!

So many possibilities!

Good luck Caitlyn, and Bon Voyage!

READ MORE ABOUT CAITLYN JENNER

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The Many Ex's Of Taylor Swift

We come not to slut-shame, but to praise her.

Taylor Swift is more than just a pop superstar; she is a modern Jezebel.

If the term is new to you, it refers to a character in the Bible who was a little bit naughty. Here's a description:

Guided by no principle, restrained by no fear of either God or man, passionate in her attachment to her heathen worship, she spared no pains to maintain idolatry around her in all its splendor.
The idolatry, too, was of the most debased and sensual kind

Today, the term Jezebel refers to a crafty, shameless woman who deceives people to get what she wants.

Taylor's reputation as a Jezebel is as significant as her artistic output: She wouldn't be Taylor Swift without all the feuds, branding, and boyfriends.

Especially the boyfriends!

The boyfriends run the gamut from fairly innocent cutie-pies to obnoxious ab-flaunting Lothario cutie-pies.

Some may look the same but each one is different, like a snowflake.

Many have been immortalized in Taylor's songs, an honor that surely all her suitors now expect on the first date.

Many have pointed out that it's more than a little sexist to criticize Taylor's serial romances. When men rack up a long string of conquests, they're congratulated for it, not shamed.

And those who would shame Taylor for the swath she has cut through the world's most eligible and newsworthy young men are just mean. In fact, they are haters. Who are gonna hate, hate, hate.

We have come not to slut-shame Taylor, but to praise her.

Who among us has not written an ode to a faithless ex-boyfriend?

Okay, not an ode, but a journal entry or a Facebook rant or a text message?

I myself once wrote a long screed to a guy who dumped me, comparing him to a horse and advising him to get plastic surgery. He threatened to publish it or something but that's a story for another day!

Let's review Taylor's many Ex's, and the songs they inspired. May she go on to document each kiss or disappointment for many years to come.

READ MORE ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT

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Why are Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Punking Us?

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Amber Heard Denies Releasing Video Of Johnny Depp Cutting Off Finger During Meltdown

Don't point the finger at her, your Honor!

Amber Heard denies releasing a video of Johnny Depp in a rage, accidentally cutting off his fingertip and using the blood to make art in a crazed meltdown.

The video emerged just a day before Heard was scheduled to be deposed in her legal battle with Depp.

In the video released on Friday, the action ends abruptly when Depp realizes that Amber is recording his tantrum on her phone. The last things we hear him saying is:

You want to see crazy? I'll show you crazy!

Today, TMZ has published photos of Depp's maimed finger, contending that it happened after Heard was forced to drop her phone.

In addition to the picture of the finger, TMZ also posted a picture of a mirror on which Depp has allegedly written the names of Amber's suspected paramour, Billy Bob Thornton. (!!!)

It is know that Depp needed surgery on his finger but the story was that he injured himself on a film set in Australia.

Let's review the issues at hand here.

Johnny Depp has a temper. We can see it in the video.

But we don't see him getting physical with Heard.

We do hear her goading him, in an exaggeratedly innocent 'who-me?' little girl voice.

If Amber didn't release the video, who did?

It's safe to say that the couple had a turbulent relationship. From all accounts, this is business as usual for Heard.

Depp's ex wife and friends insist that it is not his nature to be violent.

Amber Heard wants money. She wants a lot of it, and Johnny has a lot of it.

But after 14 months of marriage, what is a fair amount of money for Amber?

And why does she continue to use the press to indict her estranged husband?

Call me impartial, but a woman who goads a man into flipping out and then records him going berserk is not a person to be trusted.

It suggests a scheme, at the very least.

Just as a man making a secret sex tape of his lover, a woman recording a temper tantrum (that doesn't involve any harm done to her) is out of order and demonstrating poor character.

Poor Johnny. Amber seems like a gift that won't stop giving until the price is right.

READ MORE ABOUT AMBER AND JOHNNY

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Dreamboat Keanu Reeves Wants To Build You Your Dream Motorcycle

Between your legs for $78,000

Keanu Reeves wants to build you a motorcycle like the one he rides, so you can experience his joy in mounting an exquisite dream machine.

Keanu started his company Arch Motorcycles with longtime friend Gard Hollinger, who built him a custom bike a few years ago.

Keanu was so thrilled with the bike that he wanted more to share with friends. He wanted to start a company.

Hollinger was reluctant; he already had his own company with a cult following. But Reeves begged him so many times that Hollinger finally relented.

Keanu recalls:

I told him, 'OK, the reason we should do this is because the machine is amazing, and we're going to die [anyway]. Let's make something!

Hollinger designed the bikes based on Keanu's vision, and Keanu road-tested them. He still road-tests each one. And that's where you come in.

For $78,000 (a deposit of just $15,000 will get the project going) you will receive a bike that is custom made to your body. Hollinger fits the pedals, the handlebars, and the seat angle to your exact size. There are more than 200 parts to each machine. The bike weighs in at around 538 pounds and can cruise easily at 100 mph.

Once the bike is completed, Keanu takes it out on the road. He wants to make sure its performance is is as flawless as the machine it self.

He is looking for a feeling....he says it has to make you giggle when you ride it.

Let's say you are doomed to go through life without ever holding Keanu Reeves in your arms. Let's even say that you'll never stare into those soulful eyes or feel that muscular body between your legs.

I'm not trying to make you sad, just hear me out!

Let's say those things are true. Because all is not lost.

You can still feel Keanu throbbing under you, knowing his loins touched the very spot, as you cruise down the highway on your $75,000 Arch KRGT-1.

Watch this video and get out your credit card.

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Sports

Tinder Use Is Up Among Athletes In Rio!

Swipe till your fingers go numb.

Tinder use has skyrocketed among athletes at this year's Olympics in Rio, according to the app's spokesperson.

While hook-ups among athletes at the games are nothing new, the use of Tinder has made it easier to expend that extra energy during down time.

In fact, Tinder matches in the Olympic Village increased by 129 percent over the weekend, the company reported.

You can currently find Tinder profiles from athletes of nearly every sport, with photos and updates like "Got plenty of time to kill," or "Looking for fun in Rio!" (Try to hear these dumb phrases in a romantic foreign accent.)

The 2016 summer games are the perfect environment for hook-ups, with ten thousand athletes crammed into a 31-building compound. The tensions of competing combined with adrenaline makes for a large market of would-be dates. A Swedish athlete told AP reporters that he got ten Tinder matches on his first day at the village.

Olympic organizers are aware that sexy time will be a priority, providing 450,000 condoms for the athletes.

That's around 42 condoms per athlete.

READ MORE ABOUT TINDER

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Conspiracy Theory Thursday—What Is Going On With The Olympic Pool In Rio?

Isn't it wonderful how healthy and fit these competitors are? Just think of the testosterone!

Of course, we mustn't be sexist. I'm sure plenty of the female athletes are swiping right like nobody's business.

However, let's focus on the men, because I want to. Imagine the luxury of hooking up with gymnasts, swimmers, soccer players and fencers?

While there is tight security around the Olympics, the various countries' committees seem to tacitly approve the use of Tinder. Some are content with a 'Don't ask, Don't tell policy'.

Even well-known athletes are using Tinder. Eleven-time gold medalist Ryan Lochte admitted to GQ that he'd used the app.

So, you want to see those profiles, not out of prurient interest but just out of curiosity. But you're too cheap to pay the $10 to search outside your geographic region.

Just browse the photos at SportSwipe on Instagram.

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Amber Heard And Johnny Depp Line Up Witnesses For Legal Brawl, PLUS A Secret Photo

We need this on pay-per-view.

Amber Heard will bring a pile of evidence to a hearing next week concerning her restraining order against Johnny Depp, who plans to fight back, hard.

A witness and exhibit list filed by Heard's lawyer on Monday cites purported evidence that Johnny Depp was abusive to Heard throughout their marriage.

Heard is seeking a permanent restraining order against Depp.

Meanwhile, Depp's lawyers have submitted a list of almost two dozen witnesses to back up his claim that Heard is lying about domestic abuse.

Why can't we have this battle on pay-per-view? The proceeds could go to either a charity for abuse victims or a PSA warning against marrying gold-diggers. Or both!

Amber's evidence includes photos of injuries she sustained before she filed for divorce, medical records relating to a prior incident of domestic violence, and, mysteriously, a photo 'of Petitioner holding pills in hand on August 19, 2014.'

Her witnesses include two close friends and a psychologist who will testify about 'characteristics and traits of victims of domestic violence.'

But Depp is locked and loaded for trial, according to TMZ.

Depp's witnesses include the 2 responding officers from the night Amber says Johnny attacked her. Both will testify they saw no evidence of injury nor was anything broken in the loft. Two security guards at the unit will also testify that Depp didn't strike Heard.

The housekeeper will testify, as will Amber's publicist, both of whom will presumably support Depp's claim of innocence.

Exhibits in Depp's defense will include Amber's arrest record for domestic violence against her girlfriend back in 2009, and records about the Australian dog smuggling case. (Don't ask.)

Most exciting of all these tidbits is a SECRET PHOTO that Depp's lawyers will reveal in court. Legal docs explain:

For privacy reasons, this exhibit is being served on petitioners [Amber and team] and will be supplied to the court at the time of hearing.

Ooooh, please, we need to see this! What kind of photo would prove Amber is lying? A picture of her beating up Johnny?

Admit you're excited.

Either he's a violent drug addict or she's a scheming gold digger. But the moral remains: Get A Fucking Prenup!

READ MORE ABOUT AMBER HEARD AND JOHNNY DEPP

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She'll still be Cait though, until further notice.

We come not to slut-shame, but to praise her.

Jordan Alford

Picture To Burn

Drew Hardwick

Teardrops On My Guitar

Brandon Borello

Song: "Tim McGraw", "Our Song", "Fifteen"

Sam Armstrong

Should've Said No

Martin Johnson

Love Story, White Horse, If This Was A Movie

Joe Jonas

Forever & Always, Jump Then Fall, Today Was A Fairytale, Better Than Revenge, Last Kiss, Holy Ground

Taylor Lautner

Back To December

John Mayer

Dear John, The Story of Us, Superman, I Knew You Were Trouble

Cory Monteith

Mine

Jake Gyllenhaal

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, State of Grace, All Too Well, Girl At Home, The Moment I Knew

Conor Kennedy

Begin Again, Everything Has Changed, Starlight

Harry Styles

Style, Out Of The Woods

Calvin Harris

This Is What You Came For

Don't point the finger at her, your Honor!

Between your legs for $78,000

Swipe till your fingers go numb.

We need this on pay-per-view.