We really didn't want to write about DJ Pauly D, as we are a music site and not a leaching landfill of reality TV detritus, but let's call it service journalism: if you have Britney Spears tour plans, they might now involve DJ Pauly D. It boggles the mind. If you're going the Jersey Shore route--a route that is paved every two miles with "DANGER TURN BACK NO MUSICALITY"--wouldn't you pick the guy with the (horrible) "song"? One of the women who've broken out a bit? In our limited knowledge of the show--we're not being coy, it really is limited--DJ Pauly D is the guy even more notable for his hair than any of the others.

But we live in a world where this is happening: Pauly D will open for Britney Spears on six August tour dates. If his last time doing this is any indication, it'll involve playing a few songs and saying "oh hi there it's Britney Spears." Those songs will not be Britney songs, which most likely means that DJ Pauly D isn't DJing Britney's tracks because those would help people spot the 60 percent of her material she isn't singing live. And we must say: apparently making statements like "who better to be onstage with her than DJ Pauly D" or "It's an association with monsters like Britney Spears and it just legitimizes your career" are both no longer insults and no longer tacky? Sigh.

Here's the list of Pauly-enhanced dates, for anyone who suddenly got the urge to Craigslist their tickets:

August 17 - Grand Rapids, MI @ Van Andel Arena

August 19 - Pittsburgh, PA @ CONSOL Energy Center

August 20 - Columbus, OH @ Nationwide Arena

August 22 - Indianapolis, IN @ Conseco Fieldhouse

August 24 - Raleigh, NC @ RBC Center

August 25 - Charlotte, SC @ Time Warner Cable Center