Why Are All The Very Best Criminal Nut Jobs And Wackos Always From Florida?!!

Yea, we all love Florida. Great beaches, great weather, sexy Latino flavor…. It’s like the life of America’s interstate party. But in addition to all the great qualities, why does it breed so many creepers?

In fact, it seems that all the very best criminal nut jobs and wackos are always from the Sunshine State.

OK, OK, I know….that's a little bit of an overstatement….a little bit of a generalization.

It’s true—many respectable, admirable people have come out of the 27th state. That being said, take a look at Popdust's selection of the best of the worst Florida criminal cases listed below. And tell me Florida doesn’t come in first more often than not for the hands down weirdest arrests.

450-Pound Man Arrested For Hiding Marijuana ‘Under Stomach Fat’: You gotta admire Christopher Mitchell's dedication. But oh boy, this story sure is berserk. Mitchell and a pal were pulled over after an officer noticed that the passenger was not wearing his seatbelt. After the cops ran their information and saw their priors, they decided to search the vehicle. You can probably guess what happened next. Only in Florida.

Man Arrested For Driving Naked And Masturbating In Attempt To ‘Entice’ Trucker: Looks like 22 year-old Cory Evans never learned how to court someone…properly. Evans was so creepy that not even the truckers could take his antics. One driver called the cops on him. The trucker reported that Evans was completely naked behind the wheel and seemed to be matching the speed of the drivers’ rig. He was later charged with indecent exposure.

Boward County Woman Arrested for Getting Naked and Causing a Traffic Hazard At around 5.40pm (conveniently smack bang in the middle of rush hour) Tracy Mabb staggered into an intersection and starting stripping off. And once she started, she just couldn’t stop—going on to treat drivers and passing pedestrians to a full view of her "vagina and buttocks."

Orlando Woman Arrested for Masturbating on the Side of Highway: Ashley Holton was seemingly so overcome with self desire that she pulled over to the side of Highway 484, got out of her car and started pleasuring herself… According to the police report the 35-year-old had been going at it for over an hour before officers arrived—and was in no mood to stop, in fact she bit one poor cop as he tried to cover her up and then went on to order another to kiss her exposed lady bits.

Strip-Club Employee Strips and Masturbates In Jail: Cops spotted Lakeisha Johnson jumping fences and decided they should see what she was up to. When they approached, she started taking off her clothes and using vulgar language. She was then arrested, taken to jail…and promptly got down to her regular business of getting nekkid once again. She even offered to perform a sex act on an officer in exchange for her release. Can’t blame a girl for trying.

School Nurse Charged With Stealing Kids Prescription Medications And Replacing Them With Unknown Pills: The appropriately named Marilee Boozer was busted after a grandparent reported that her grandson’s medication had gone missing. The medication in question? Ritalin.... What else? And the way the 24-year-old school employee got caught was even better. Ritalin pills are blue…. so grandma was pretty confused when her grandkid began bringing home yellow pills instead.

Man Kills Friend Over Last Can Of Beer: We’ve all gotten into tiffs with our friends. But would you stab them to death over not splitting the last can of beer with you? Probably not, but then again, you’re probably not from Florida. 38-year-old Daniel Trent was subsequently charged with second-degree murder.

Man Arrested for Drunkenly Sexting Police Officer: Paul Arnold Kirleis contacted police to report a suspicious vehicle. An officer responded on his department-issued phone. After their conversation ended, the officer started receiving some racy messages sent from Kirleis’ phone. Big mistake. But hey, we all do stupid things when we’re drunk…. Right?

Mother-Daughter Porn Duo Arrested for Prostitution: You read it correctly. 56-year-old mom Monica Ramoutar and her 22-year-old daughter Jessica are in it to win it, figuratively speaking. And they want to get famous by shooting sex scenes together. They’re known as the “Sexxxtons,” and while they don’t actually touch each other during the sex scenes, they do have sex in the same room, at the same time. Yikes. Unfortunately their dreams of stardom were dashed after they were busted for prostitution by an undercover cop.

Woman Arrested For Theft After Stuffing Seven Lobsters Down Her Pants: 30-year-old Nichole Reed confessed to police that she attempted to steal seven lobster tails (valued at a whopping $11.99) by stuffing them down her pants at Publix super market in Orange City, Florida in the hopes of trading them in for Chinese food or drugs.

Miami Cops Shoot Dead Man Feasting on Face Of Homeless Guy in Broad Daylight: “Face-Eating Cannibal” Randy Eugene was shot four times by cops as he gnawed the face off of poor unsuspecting Ronald Poppo. The horrific attack was initially blamed on the synthetic cocaine substitute “Bath Salts” but the subsequent toxicology report found only marijuana in Eugene’s system and no evidence of  any other street drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs.

Tampa Man Has Sex With Pit Bull In Front Yard As Neighbors Plead With Him To Stop: One 57-year-old took the noble love between man and dog a tad too far when he decided to engage in sexual intercourse with his pit bull. Bernard Marsonek was busted for aggravated animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals after neighbors called the cops on him.

Man Blames Pet Cat For Child Porn Downloaded On His Computer: 48-year-old Keith R. Grifffin came up with a novel excuse for the thousands of child porn images on his computer. Griffin told cops "he would leave his computer on and his cat would jump on the keyboard. And when he returned there will be strange material downloaded."

Largo Man Racks Up 120th Arrest With Bologna Stealing Bust: To say Richard Harvey Warren is a habitual criminal would be somewhat of n understatement. The 50-year-old racked up his 120th arrest after he was busted by cops on charges of retail theft and misdemeanor trespassing after attempting to smuggle a $2.99 pack of bologna out of a local convenience store in his pants.

Homeless Man Busted For Indecent Exposure Tells Cops ‘I Was Just Airing Out My Penis’ : A 50-year-old homeless man was arrested after he was spotted puling down his jeans and underwear outside of a store, “fluffing” his genitals and sniffing his fingers. Mmmmm.... smells like chicken.... Cops refused to believe William Gibson’s “I was just airing out my genitals” excuse and charged him with a felony.

Polk Man Pleads Not Guilty To Swimming Naked With Gators: 47-year-old Adrian Jay Apgar pleaded not guilty to exposing himself, trespassing, breach of peace and failure to appear in court after he was arrested naked and wading in water near several alligators. Apgar claimed he had been bitten by a snake whilst hunting for a gator—however, authorities branded him “delusional” and sectioned him for 72 hours. It was Apgar's second naked run-in with gators.

Land O’Lakes ‘Zombie’ Busted For Assaulting Nudist Resort Security Guard: 47-year-old Kevin Fearn allegedly attacked a 71-year-old security guard after he asked Fearn to “step outside” following accusations he had groped a woman at a nudist resort. Fearn—who, for unknown reasons, was fully decked out as a flesh eating, living dead Zombie at the time—allegedly threw the guard to the ground and when a colleague came to the rescue, Fearn’s brother-in-law allegedly bit the poor dude on the arm.

And that, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg....

 

 

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