Freaky Friday—Inside The World Of Xylophilia—Getting “Wood” From Wood

Taking Woody WoodPECKER to a whole new level.

There's nothing wrong with finding the beauty in nature.

From crystal clear waters to mountaintop sunsets to a moonlit sky, the world we live in presents is magic in so many ways. Now appreciating nature is one thing, but getting turned on by it is a step too far. Mother Nature is alluring, but she's not looking for a one night stand.

Those who do get sexual feelings from a particular part of nature, wood to be specific, have what's called xylophilia, an arousal to wood, as per Huffington Post. Whether still on the tree or in the form of a 2 x 4 at Home Depot, this woody-inducing wood fetish is certainly one of the more dangerous ones. Splinters where the sun don't shine… no thanks!

Lumberjacks jacking off to a tree stump and carpenters ready to use their tools on a nice long plank should really consider meeting with a dating coach. If they think they're going to find sexual satisfaction from an elm or an oak, they're barking up the wrong tree. Ladies, extend an olive branch to these wood-whackers and show them that love doesn't have to be so hard (literally).


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Why one might become aroused by wood is an interesting examination into the wide world of sexual desires humans experience. Perhaps it all begins with the Christmas tree. So much wonder, excitement, and joy surrounds this tall and well-dressed holiday symbol. No, that can't be it. Just ask The Grinch.

Maybe the see-saw ride became a tad too stimulating once a pre-teen kept playing on one when he or she knew those see-saw days were past them. Or perhaps it's those Popsicle sticks that still tasted good even after all the ice cream was happily licked away. And those #2 pencils? The finest writing implements one could ask for to fill in those tiny circles with come test time.

Well, however the burning desire for wood came about, the arousal is there for those with xylophilia and it's a real tree-t. While the wood may not love them back, at least there's the thrill of that Woody Woodpecker!



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