CULTURE

Pathetic White Men Are Big Mad That Greta Thunberg Is Time's Person of the Year

Let's meet some of the lowest-performing white men in the world.

Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg arrives to deliver a speech at the Assemblee Nationale, French parliament, in Paris, France, 23 July 2019. Teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg, who sparked the #FridaysForFuture school strike movement, attended a conference with young climate activists at the National Assembly.Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg in Paris, France - 23 Jul 2019

Photo by IAN LANGSDON/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock

I have apologized for this article. Please see my full statement here.

Every December since 1927, TIME's Person of the Year award has recognized the most influential person (or group of people) on the global stage.

Its ranks include almost every sitting US president since the award's inception, alongside world leaders, business moguls, and activists. The magazine does not necessarily endorse every winner––sometimes their pick for most influential person (i.e. Adolf Hitler in 1938 and Joseph Stalin in 1939) reflects the destructive ends of global influence. But regardless, for most recipients, especially those in the activism space, the award is viewed as an honor––and in 2019, it most certainly is.

Time's 2019 Person of the Year is Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old climate change activist who has traveled the world speaking to politicians, leading protests, and urging everyone to stop turning a blind eye to the myriad ways that humans are destroying the planet.

But even though 97% of climate scientists agree that global warming and climate change are both real and caused by humans, right-wing lunatics (read: very angry white men) hate Greta Thunberg, because...?

Much of their adult hatred directed towards a child dedicating her life to trying to making the world sustainable for future generations stems from the fact that they are, in reality, literal babies trapped in hairy, pale, man-bodies. But their main reason is the fact that their God-King (they're too stupid to understand how elected public officials are supposed to work), Donald Trump, hates her, too.

So because Donald Trump doesn't believe in climate change (putting his stupid ass in disagreement with his own government's science divisions), his even stupider supporters don't either. Now they're real mad on Twitter over Greta Thunberg being TIME's Person of the Year, so they're sh*tting their diapers for all to see. It's great. Let's meet some of the lowest-performing white men in the world up close and personal.

Oh, who's this angry white boy trying to compare Greta Thunberg to Hitler? Why, it's "Count Dankula," the Scottish YouTuber best known for teaching his dog to perform a Nazi salute gesture and respond positively when asked, "Do you wanna gas the Jews?" Apparently it was couched in typical alt-right "just a joke" bullsh*t, but Dankula, whose real name is Mark Meechan, later joined the right-wing populist UK Independence Party (UKIP) alongside frequent milkshake enthusiast Carl Benjamin, so...yeah, really funny! All that being said, when Meechan equates Thunberg to Hitler, he might be trying to give her a compliment.

Here we have Exhibit B: An angry boomer Trump stan/far-right stooge named Bill Mitchell who earned his blue checkmark by hosting a less successful online version of Alex Jones' show. While his opinions might only be relevant to people with actual brain damage, he does have a particular knack for defrauding his followers out of money. Which is to say that yes, at the very least he follows the right-wing ideals of preying on stupid people and attacking children.

Lastly, we arrive at the poster boy of white male mediocrity: Donald Trump Jr.––a man so talentless that he needed his daddy's friends to buy up his book, a man so pathetic he got absolutely slaughtered on The View, and a man so self-unaware that he'll probably go his entire life without ever realizing that if his dad wasn't rich, he'd be just another schlub.

There's a reason pathetic white men spend so much of their time crying about the accomplishments of better, more useful people on Twitter. Because at the end of the day, they're absolutely worthless, and deep down they know it.

MUSIC

Phoebe Bridgers Debuts New Song “Halloween” and More, Discusses New Album

Another new song, "Kyoto," is all about astrology, chemtrails, and sadness, and we'd expect nothing less.

Phoebe Bridgers

Photo by RMV/Shutterstock

Phoebe Bridgers, the astrology-loving wunderkind who solidified her place in indie folk royalty with 2017's Stranger In the Alps, is officially at work on her second album.

"The production is totally different to my first record. People still kind of think of me as like a folk artist, but on the first record, I truly was deferring to other people to produce me," she said. "I basically had these country folk songs. [On the new record] I do a little bit of screaming on what we've recorded so far."

Bridgers has had a busy few years. After a stint opening for Julien Baker, she joined the supergroup Boygenius (with Baker and fellow indie rocker Lucy Dacus), and the trio released an EP. Then she formed a duo with Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst called Better Oblivion Community Center, and the two released their debut last year.

She's been pretty quiet about her solo work, but this week she debuted a total of four new songs at various performances. These songs are called "Halloween," "Kyoto," "Garden Song," and "Graceland Too," as far as we know. Bridgers is an incredibly talented lyricist, and these songs show her interweaving modern themes like conspiracy theories and astrology with characteristically devastating refrains.

While we don't have a date for the next album, judging by these songs, it'll be worth the wait.

boygenius - "Salt In The Wound" (Live at WFUV)www.youtube.com

Music Lists

In “Modern Love,” Anne Hathaway Shows Us Love Can’t Fix Bipolar Disorder

The show, based on Terri Cheney's column of the same title, provides a uniquely nuanced depiction of mental illness—and highlights the gaps that still exist in the ways we tell stories about it.

On the episode of Modern Love called "Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am," Anne Hathaway's character Lexi spends half her time in bed.

She spends the other half of her life gallivanting around New York City, wearing sparkles and styling herself after famous actresses, asking out men in grocery stores and making up for the time and the lovers she lost while she was catatonically depressed.

At best, the episode is a uniquely nuanced depiction of real mental illness, emphasizing the fact that Hathaway's illness may not be easily curable, refusing the temptation to glamorize her symptoms or suffocate her with pity and pessimism. At worst, it still falls into some old traps and perhaps could've done a better job of explaining the specifics of Lexi's diagnosis and the actuality of what bipolar is and is not.

Like all the episodes of Amazon Prime's new series Modern Love, it's based on a real-life story published in The New York Times' column of the same name. Hathaway's character is based on an essay by a woman named Terri Cheney, who specifies in the first paragraph that she suffers from what she refers to as "ultrararidian rapid cycling."

There are many different forms of bipolar disorder, far more than the typical binary of Bipolar I and II imply. Bipolar I, the best-known type, involves periods of severe mania and severe depression, whereas with Bipolar II, the manic episodes are usually slightly less severe, though periods of depression can be extremely intense. With both of these types, lengths and symptoms of manic and depressive episodes can vary, though most people experience one or two cycles per year, with episodes lasting around 13 weeks, according to a 2010 study. Episodes can be triggered by events such as seasonal changes, trauma, or grief, but they can also happen naturally due to to the vicissitudes of brain chemistry and daily life. Sometimes symptoms of mania and depression can co-occur, and this is referred to as a mixed episode.

There are many other variants of bipolar disorder, including cyclothymic disorder, which describes brief periods of mania and depression that are slightly less severe than full-on Bipolar I or II. Then there's the kind of extremely rapid switching that Hathaway's character experienced. Affecting 10-15% of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder, rapid cycling is officially diagnosed when someone experiences four or more cycles in one year. Ultra-rapid cycling is when a person cycles through episodes in one month or less, and the sort that Cheney and Lexi have is called ultra-ultra-rapid cycling or ultradian cycling, which means that cycles can occur within a 24-hour period.

As with most mental illnesses, every person's diagnosis is different. For Cheney, ultradian cycling means that she'd often spend days or weeks in bed, only to awaken suddenly to the sound of birdsong and a feeling of euphoria. Like her TV adaption, Cheney tells us that she tried dozens of treatments, including dangerous electroshock therapy, while keeping her illness secret from friends and family and making up for her down periods by exceeding expectations when she was up. She was able to pull together a life, but all this didn't make dating easy. "When dating me, you might go to bed with Madame Bovary and wake up with Hester Prynne," she wrote in her Times column.

Refreshingly, neither Cheney's essay nor the TV adaption equates the right treatment or the perfect person with a cure and a happy ending. Instead, after following their protagonist through a failed relationship that began during a manic episode and quickly tanked when her mood turned, the essay and show end with a bit of realistic hope. "I've finally accepted that there is no cure for the chemical imbalance in my brain, any more than there is a cure for love," Cheney writes, lines that Hathaway repeats in the episode's conclusion. "But there's a little yellow pill I'm very fond of, and a pale blue one, and some pretty pink capsules, and a handful of other colors that have turned my life around."

Battling the Stigma Onscreen: Violence, Love, and Bipolar Representation

While illnesses like depression and anxiety have become more socially acceptable and widely understood (although too often they're still not viewed as valid illnesses, instead treated like something that can be willfully overcome with a little yoga), bipolar and other personality disorders are still heavily stigmatized and misunderstood.

For example, people who suffer from personality disorders are far too frequently blamed for things like mass shootings, when actually only 3-5% of violent crimes are perpetrated by people with mental illnesses (and 97% of mass shooters are white males with histories of misogyny and domestic violence).

In reality, bipolar disorder has absolutely nothing to do with violence. It's also completely untrue that people with bipolar are unable to have relationships. Everyone is different, and people with bipolar disorder are just as capable (or incapable) of loving and being loved as anybody else.

While Hathaway/Cheney's illness appears to be unusually unpredictable, many people with mental illnesses can and do thrive in relationships. While unstable relationships can have particularly negative and triggering effects on people who suffer from mental illnesses, stable relationships of any kind can be incredibly beneficial. And while no one should use their mental illness as an excuse to use others as therapists or sole support systems, supportive friends, partners, and family members can be vital in terms of providing the kind of acceptance and structure that people with mental illness may have trouble giving themselves.

Still, it's a blessing that "Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am" doesn't over-glamorize the effects or importance of relationships. Anne Hathaway's Lexi finds relief in confessing to a coworker about her illness, but there is no implication that the coworker will be able to heal her or support her in any way. Confession and interpersonal love are perhaps over-emphasized in some forms of modern mental health discourse, but premature or forced confessions can have negative consequences, and confession by no means make up for actual treatment, large systemic changes, or genuine external and acceptance. Sometimes, acceptance means accepting the reality of illness and treatment in all their ugly and unpalatable forms, a reality that is too often forgotten in exchange for the more palatable narrative that tells us that love can heal all wounds.

The Future of Bipolar on TV: Hopefully More Diverse, and Created by People Who Really Suffer from Mental Illness

For her part, Terri Cheney, a prolific writer who has written several memoirs about her experience with mental illness, is apparently very satisfied with Hathaway's nuanced portrayal. "When you think of the illness in terms of a familiar face, it's less frightening and easier to understand," she told Glamour. "That's why having someone as famous as Anne portray a woman with bipolar disorder is so terrific: It's an antidote to shame."

As in her essay, Cheney is quick to emphasize the fact that sometimes there is no cure to mental illness; it's not like you can just confess that you have it and expunge it from your brain chemistry. "After a lifetime of living with a mental illness, I've discovered that the most helpful thing someone can say to me when I'm suffering is, 'Tell me where it hurts,'" she added. "I don't want advice. I don't want to be cheered up. I just want to be listened to and truly heard."

Hathaway also seems to understand the importance of her role. "I have people in my life who I love so deeply who have received various mental health diagnoses, and that's not the whole story of who they are," she said. "But in many cases, because of an intolerant society, that's the space of fear they're kept in."

As there's more mental illness representation on TV, hopefully we'll see more nuanced portrayals of people with mental illness. Many Hollywood shows and movies have heavily exaggerated the symptoms of bipolar disorder, giving characters who suffer from the disorder violent narratives or dramatic breakdowns (Empire, Silver Linings Playbook), painting them as anti-medication (Law and Order: SVU) and using episodes as plot devices (Homeland), despite gaining praise for featuring characters who suffer from it.

Perhaps in the future, shows will also begin discussing the disorder in more precise terms and becoming as open and explicit about treatments, medication, therapy, and the messy vicissitudes of daily life as they are with dramatizing mental breakdowns and choreographing manic episodes.

Maybe they could also try to focus on people of different race and class backgrounds, as mental illness is frequently whitewashed, though it cannot be separated from things like race and class, and certainly not everyone with bipolar has a swanky entertainment law job or lives in an apartment like Anne Hathaway's utterly absurd one. Perhaps Modern Love itself shouldn't be expected to get real about mental illness, for even this episode does feel lost in the show's saccharine, wealth-buoyed rom-com vibe, caught up in the "permanent delusion that New York makes people fall into a special kind of love, unattainable anyplace else (unless on a brief trip abroad)," as The Washington Post writes, a delusion that anyone who actually lives in New York knows is utterly untrue (but that always makes for a hit TV show).

Still, when all is said and done, there will never be a singular or perfect depiction of bipolar disorder, and a depiction of mental illness on a show like this one will certainly expose lots of people to a sympathetic narrative they otherwise might not have encountered.

Like all illnesses, bipolar disorder is an ongoing process that affects everyone in a completely unique way, and there is no quick fix for it. But with medication and support, it's something that's possible to live and thrive with—and yes, to love with.

Though Lexi never finds true love, she finds something else. She finds self-acceptance, openness, a growth mindset, and the belief that she isn't in need of fixing. And in this life, perhaps that's the best kind of fairy-tale ending we can ask for.

FILM

"Hustlers" Could Be the Best Movie of the Summer

STX Entertainment is about to rob us of our money and, honestly, I'm okay with that.

JLO STEP ON MY NECK

James Devaney/Getty Images

Jennifer Lopez, Constance Wu, Julia Stiles, Keke Palmer, Lili Reinhart, Lizzo, and Cardi B are coming for our necks, y'all.

After weeks of teasing us, the first full length trailer for Hustlers is here. Watch below:

Hustlers | Official Trailer [HD] | In Theaters September 2019www.youtube.com

The film, inspired by writer Jessica Presser's article, "The Hustlers at Scores," for New York Magazine, is about a group of strip club workers who decide to rob their deep-pocketed, greedy Wall Street clients after the 2008 market-crash. The too-good-to-be-true story follows Constance Wu's character, Destiny, as she looks for a life that allows her to take care of her grandma and "maybe go shopping every once in awhile." After Crazy Rich Asians, Hustlers appears to be the kind of "artistically challenging" role the actress has been looking for. Although, in the trailer at least, Jennifer Lopez outshines the rest of the star-studded cast as the seasoned matriarch of the stripper clan. The Academy should be prepared to finally give the triple threat the Oscar she deserves (Lopez was robbed for Selena. Yeah, I said it).

With Hustlers, writer-director Lorene Scafari—of Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and Seeking a Friend for The End of The World fame—decided to take on real women's stories instead of doing another reboot, and she had very specific stars in mind to make it happen. The screenwriter chased after stripper-turned-rap-sensation, Cardi B, and breakout star, Lizzo, for over a year to get them involved in the project. Before her screenplay was completed, the director envisioned Cardi B in the role of Diamond, elaborating for IndieWire, "I think musicians and singers, performers, they're just naturally very great at timing and rhythm and they just kind of are natural-born actors," She continued, "Lizzo, she comes with so much personality, Cardi comes with so much personality. I wanted to write them characters that showed off their personalities, but I also wanted to make sure that they still felt like they were part of the world and part of the ensemble and that nobody's sticking out and everybody is still existing in the same movie."

In the midst of a summer bummer at the box office, Hustlers gives us hope that the season will end on a high note. Scafaria seems to balance the film's big budget, star-studded appearances with the style and technique of a woman with a vision—and it's a delight to witness. Hopefully, the movie will live up to the trailer.

FILM

Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of May 17th

Drop everything you're doing and go see John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum.

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

Only one movie matters this weekend, and that movie is John Wick: Chapter 3.

WIDE RELEASE:

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

It's no secret that I'm a huge John Wickfanboy. Few other franchises in movie history have managed to take material typically relegated to blockbuster shlock––in this case, absurd, hyper-violent action fare––and turn it into high art. But from the vibrant choreography to the expert cinematography to Keanu Reeve's career-best turn as the titular hitman, both prior John Wick movies have been absolutely awe-inspiring for action aficionados. I expect the trilogy's conclusion to follow suit. If you see one movie this weekend, make sure it's this one. And if you haven't seen the first two, do yourself a favor and watch them now.

The Sun Is Also a Star

THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR - Official Trailerwww.youtube.com


This latest big screen YA novel adaptation, The Sun Is Also a Star, follows star-crossed teen lovers Daniel Bae (Charles Melton) and Natasha Kingsley (Yara Shahidi). He's a romantic. She's a pragmatist. Wacky hijinks ensue, mainly "will she or won't she be deported?" because, oh yeah, Natasha is an illegal immigrant from Jamaica. I doubt The Sun Is Also a Star will transcend its typical genre conventions, but it is nice to see a mainstream teen romance starring two minority characters.

A Dog's Journey

A Dog's Journey - Official Trailer (HD)www.youtube.com


Look, I don't know who keeps watching these dog movies. Are they for children? Do children love watching Dennis Quaid playing with dogs? I have no idea, but apparently, A Dog's Purpose did well enough that it got a sequel, and this is it. Based on the trailer, the dog's purpose was to hang out with Dennis Quaid in the first movie, and now its purpose is to hang out with Dennis Quaid's grandkid. So if you fall into the cross-section of people who love dogs and people who love Dennis Quaid, I guess this franchise is perfect for you.

LIMITED RELEASE:

The Souvenir

The Souvenir | Official Trailer HD | A24www.youtube.com

Director Joanna Hogg presents a memoir-esque drama/mystery about a young film student (Honor Swinton Byrne) who enters into a complex relationship with an older man (Tom Burke) against her mother's (Tilda Swinton––Honor's real-life mom) wishes. The trailer looks great and initial reviews suggest that The Souvenir is a masterful narrative work. If it wasn't coming out on the same weekend as John Wick 3, I'd definitely be seeing it.

The Professor

THE PROFESSOR Official Trailer (2019) Johnny Depp Movie HDwww.youtube.com


Remember when Johnny Depp was a bankable star? Remember when the quality of his roles went downhill but he was still doing mainstream Blockbuster fares like Alice in Wonderland and Dark Shadows. Well, those days are gone. Now, Johnny Depp is starring in The Professor, a surefire future entry on every bad movie podcast in existence. The premise seems to be that a professor, played by Johnny Depp, responds to a cancer diagnosis by being a big annoying asshole to everyone around him. "He's smoking weed? IN CLASS?!?!? WUUUUUUUT!"


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com


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FILM

Chadwick Boseman Announces New Film

The Black Panther star will be playing yet another boundary-breaking action hero.

Deadline announced yesterday that the Black Panther star will be playing the lead in a new movie about the first African samurai, called Yasuke.

The film will tell the true story of its title character, a native of Mozambique who was brought to Japan as a slave in 1579. There, he became an indentured bodyguard to a Portuguese missionary, who eventually gave him to the Japanese warlord Oda Nobunaga in a diplomatic gesture of appeasement. Yasuke developed a complex friendship with the warlord, who eventually helped him to attain the elusive samurai title. He was the first and possibly only African to do so.

Boseman will be co-producing the film, alongside Picturestart and Michael De Luca, and with Stephen L'Heureux and Logan Coles' Xception Content. The script will be written by Doug Miro, co-creator of the Netflix series Narcos.

The Yasuke legend has been on Hollywood's radar for quite a while. MGM announced only a few weeks ago that it will also be releasing a film based on the story, indicating a potential battle-of-the-period-pieces—though it's hard to imagine that any adaption could match one that has Boseman at the helm.

"The legend of Yasuke is one of history's best kept secrets, the only person of non-Asian origin to become a Samurai," Boseman said. "That's not just an action movie, that's a cultural event, an exchange, and I am excited to be part of it."

According to the authors of the biography African Samurai: The True Story of Yasuke, a Legendary Black Warrior in Feudal Japan, by Thomas Lockley and Geoffrey Girard, "People in the streets did not only gape at him. They bowed, heads to the earth, as they addressed him." For a star who has portrayed the king of Wakanda, James Brown, and Jackie Robinson, this progression to a powerful new historical figure seems natural.

Chadwick Boseman, about playing James Brownwww.youtube.com

Boseman will also star in Netflix's Da 5 Bloods, Spike Lee's followup to BlacKkKlansman (2018), and he is currently filming 21 Bridges, a film by Game of Thrones director Brian Kirk about an NYPD detective with a second chance. His latest work, a reprisal of Black Panther's T'Challa in Avengers: Endgame, is in theatres now.


Eden Arielle Gordon is a writer and musician from New York. Follow her on Twitter @edenarielmusic.


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