Twitter has been abuzz today about which cartoon theme song is best.

This is no doubt a ploy by Disney to get everyone nostalgic enough to sign up for Disney+, and everyone has been predictably biased to focus on the shows that they loved when they were kids. But as someone who grew up in the 1990s—the true golden age of Saturday Morning TV—I felt the need to step in and provide the objective analysis the topic required. Without further ado, here is the definitive list of the greatest cartoon theme songs of all time. Don't even try to argue.

11.Batman: The Animated Series

This one has the distinct advantage of being composed by legendary film composer Danny Elfman, and borrows heavily from his work on Tim Burton's Batman, for which he won a Grammy. The dark, orchestral intensity sets the tone for one of the most serious and intense children's cartoons of all time.


Life is like a hurricane. If you don't already have the words "here in, Duckburg" playing in your head, you are a broken soul. Hughie Dewey and Louie, along with their uncle Scrooge, were the definition of cartoon adventure in the early 1990s, but the simple, catchy lyrics of the theme song are truly what keeps this show alive in our hearts. It's the reason I can't hear the word racecars without immediately thinking of lasers and "aeroplanes."

9.Darkwing Duck

Synthesizing the previous two entries with a duck-themed slapstick parody of the Batman universe, we have Darkwing Duck. While the content of the show was less memorable than Ducktales, the driving bassline and the high-energy vocals of the extremely 90s theme song are somehow timeless. The refrain of "When there's trouble, you call DW," and Darkwing's interlude, "Let's get dangerous," will live forever in my memory.


Arthur was always kind of boring compared to other cartoons, yet I watched it a lot as a kid, because it was boring in the same way a big comfy sweater is boring on a cold day. It's a show full of sweetness and optimism, and never has a theme song so perfectly captured the hopeful and positive message of a show better than Ziggy Marley's "Believe in Yourself." You know you want to sing along to this one.

7.Gravity Falls

Gravity Falls taps into the weirdness and mystery of childhood to deliver one of the best cartoons of the past decade. And the instrumental theme song somehow manages to be eerie, mysterious, and madcap all at once, in a way that only the supernatural adventures of Dipper, Mabel, and Gruncle Stan could live up to. The snappy, fast-paced percussion combine with the playful penny whistle to instantly put me in a good mood.

6.Teen Titans

Teen Titan's Go! has gotten a lot of love and a lot of hate in recent years, the latter coming mostly from fans of the show's 2003 predecessor. Whatever you think of the two shows, there's no denying that the original show's high-energy Japanese surf rock theme song by Puffy Ami Yumi absolutely slaps. It's worthy of a listen even if you don't care about the show.

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I have a crush on you

Photo by Leonardo Sanches on Unsplash

Gail Simone, the comic book writer behind DC's Birds of Prey (amongst others), randomly tweeted this today:

But because this is the Internet and we're all very sexually confused by cartoons, Simone's "Stupid Question Of The Day" quickly became one of the top trending topics on Twitter with #1stCartoonCrush.

Many of the responses were exactly what one would expect.

Complex tweeted Lola Bunny for Space Jam which...yeah, obviously.

What would any first cartoon crush list be without Jessica Rabbit? The literal definition of a cartoon crush.

Daphne from Scooby Doo seems like a pretty solid choice, too. Her fashion sense was always on point.

Robin Hood was a real fox, for sure.

Meg from Hercules had that sensual, wispy art style. Totally get it.

All the Sailor Scouts showed up, but Sailor Mars is the correct answer.

Okay, I'm kind of feeling Molly MacDonald from Arthur, too. She seems like the kind of girl who would choke me, and I kind of dig it.

Y'know what, yes, I do think James had a certain sexual flair. I'm still here for this.

No. Not Shrek. Not funny. Okay, screw it, maybe.

Squidward was hella chiseled. Absolute smash.

Lorde? Come on Comedy Central, she's not even a cartoon. But also yes.

TIL childhood was a massive cartoon sex fantasy, because we're all glorious trash monsters.


Dystopian Censorship: Alabama Refuses to Air Gay Wedding in "Arthur"

Alabama: where two men getting married is never okay unless they're brothers.

Welcome to everyone's favorite dystopian nightmare. Alabama, best known for nearly half its population continually supporting an alleged pedophile, pro-rapist laws, censored a cartoon rat wedding because two men getting married is apparently too much for Alabamans — unless those men are brothers.

On May 13th, PBS aired a new episode of their hit show Arthur, an educational children's cartoon about an anthropomorphic aardvark in elementary school. Titled "Mr. Ratburn and the Special Someone," this new episode follows Arthur and his pals as they attend their teacher Mr. Ratburn's wedding. Except Mr. Ratburn is lowkey gay so he's walking down the aisle with another male animal cartoon, and that's a big no-no for regressive nutjobs in Alabama.

Alabama Public Television (APT) director of programming, Mike McKenzie, made the call to pull the show, choosing to air a rerun instead. "Parents have trusted Alabama Public Television for more than 50 years to provide children's programs that entertain, educate and inspire," McKenzie told "More importantly – although we strongly encourage parents to watch television with their children and talk about what they have learned afterward – parents trust that their children can watch APT without their supervision. We also know that children who are younger than the 'target' audience for Arthur also watch the program."

Yes, McKenzie just needed to make sure that children wouldn't be caught unaware by the oh-so adult topic of attending a wedding. It's worth noting that Arthur once had an episode revolving around Arthur crushing on his older babysitter and then drawing a picture of her getting eaten when he discovers she has a boyfriend. Nobody in Alabama ever seemed to have a problem with that, though, because hating women is basically Alabama's official state pastime.

Of course, Twitter is having a field day.

But don't worry. If you're trapped in Alabama, there's still hope. You can find the full episode here and watch it even though your oppressive state doesn't want you to. But mainly, consider moving.