POLITICS

Joe Biden Won the Election by Fewer than 50,000 Votes

Our broken electoral system makes the endless stress and confusion of razor-thin margins inevitable. But we can fix it.

Photo by SHAWN THEW/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock

The panic that enveloped the world on November 3, 2020 already feels like a bad dream.

Despite the best efforts of Bernie Sanders and others to prepare us for the inevitable chaos, the partisan divide between mail-in and in-person voting had the predictable effect last Tuesday.

As the in-person votes accumulated in several key states where mail-in totals were always going to be delayed, the sense that Donald Trump was outperforming expectations—and was likely to secure reelection—was pervasive.

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Culture Feature

Shocking Election Result: Kanye West Concedes

In a shocking upset, Kanye 2020 turned out to be exactly as misguided as it always seemed.

Everett Collection / Shutterstock

Americans went to bed last night in state of tense uncertainty that we wished to end, but we've woken up to a finality that many of us are unwilling to face: Kanye West has conceded defeat in the presidential election.

The second most delusional narcissist in the race, Kanye launched his campaign brimming with blind ambition and some deeply offensive takes on Harriet Tubman, of all people. But when he finally ended the saga, it was without fanfare.

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POLITICS

If Wikipedia Were Honest: Donald Trump

A profile of America's greatest conman.

Donald Trump

Shutterstock, By Evan El-Amin

Donald Trump

Donald John Trump (born June 14, 1946)–also known by the aliases John Barron, John Miller, and David Denison—is the former villainous star of reality TV show The Apprentice and current villainous star of actual reality.

Elected to the presidency of the United States—against the popular will of the voting public—by a vestige of America's history as a nation fueled by slavery, he has declared himself "the least racist person there is anywhere in the world."

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So You Moved Back in with Your Parents During Quarantine: A Field Guide

Listen, you nasty little Bushwick troll, go unload the dishwasher.

Photo by Deborah Diem / Unsplash

Photo by Deborah Diem / Unsplash

First of all, before you read this article, go unload the dishwasher. I promise it will buy you at least an hour off from questions about your plans for the future.

Good, now that you have a few free minutes, let's get into it.

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Culture News

Why Is San Diego Comic-Con Already Being Canceled?

Three months out from the event, it has already been canceled—with good reason

On Friday afternoon it was announced that this year's San Diego Comic-Con, scheduled for July 23-26, had been canceled.

The world-famous event has been held annually for the last 50 years and draws more than 130,000 attendants to the San Diego Convention Center to meet their favorite celebrities and artists and show off their elaborate cosplay. No doubt a lot of people were already looking forward to events like this, with the expectation that life will be returning to normal this summer. So why—with New York beginning to move past the worst phase of the pandemic, and Donald Trump already pushing for various states to be "liberated"—is Comic-Con being canceled more than three months in advance?


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April

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Most years, April Fool's day is a fun little break from the mundanity of daily life.

It's a day to celebrate chaos and mischief in the midst of an otherwise unremarkable part of the year. Whether you tend to be the prankster or the pranked, odds are that this is usually a day full of practical jokes, playful communications, and general antics.

But this year, things feel a little different. The rhythm of our daily lives has already been thoroughly shattered, and it's safe to say everyone is feeling a little fragile and spooked without the addition of surprise practical jokes. Honestly, none of us have the energy for April Fool's day. If anyone tries to plant a fake spider in my cupboard or rig the sink to shoot me in the face, I swear to f*cking god I will lose my ever loving MIND OKAY, STEVE?! OKAY? DO YOU HEAR ME?

Anyways.

While pranks may be out of the question, it feels like a shame to let a usually enjoyable day pass by unremarked. If you think about, life as we know it at the moment is already one big, startling, slightly mean-spirited joke. So, this year, how about we celebrate April Fool's Day with anti-pranks?

An anti-prank is the opposite of a practical joke. While a practical joke aims to shock, disgust, or otherwise inconvenience a victim in a comical way, an anti-prank aims to soothe, delight, or convenience a victim in a comical way. That's right, this year, April Fool's is all about making people feel good. Here are some examples of anti-pranks you can pull on your loved ones to celebrate April Fool's day in quarantine!

Compliment Drop

While the person in this video put water in the balloon over the door, we recommend filling your balloon with slips of paper that say things you like about the person you're pranking. That way, when they open the door and pop the balloon, a confetti storm of love falls down around them!

Buy Someone Toilet Paper

Whatever you do, don't you dare do any of these toilet paper pranks. Those kind of shenanigans are reserved for when toilet paper isn't worth its weight in gold. Instead, anonymously leave a pack of toilet paper on a neighbor's porch with a note that explains you're participating in Anti-April Fools Day. They'll be delighted and hopefully pass on the random act of kindness.

Call Your Mom

Instead of clogging up the phone lines with annoying prank calls, literally just call your mom and check in. That's it. That's the whole prank.

Make a Treat for the People You Live With

Instead of making something misleading and gross like onion's covered in caramel, just make a delicious treat to share with the people you're quarantined with. They'll appreciate it, and it'll help brighten up the monotony of self-isolation.