FILM

"The Dead Don't Die" Review: Very Slow Kills of Even Slower Zombies

If you're looking for zombie-killing action, remember this is a Jim Jarmusch movie.

The Dead Don't Die is exactly what one would expect a Jim Jarmusch zombie movie to be.

At least, it's exactly what anyone should expect a Jim Jarmusch zombie movie to be. This is the director of Broken Flowers and Paterson, so audiences know going in that The Dead Don't Die won't be the typical Bill Murray romp (when was the last time Murray did a romp anyway?)

The plot centers on the small town of Centerville as it faces a zombie outbreak, which is caused by polar fracking spinning Earth off its axis. Officers Cliff Robertson (Murray) and Ronnie Peterson (Adam Driver) have to warn the town and fight zombies after dark.

These are definitely zombies at a Jim Jarmusch pace. Not only are they the traditionally slow, lumbering, George Romero-style zombies (no fast running zombies here, thankfully), but Jarmusch slows down the action even more. For some reason, the characters take their time killing the zombies.

Don't expect Dawn of the Dead-sized hordes, either, or even Walking Dead-sized. This is an indie movie, after all. There's a horde of only seven or eight zombies on Main Street, although there are a lot more at the cemetery. Zombies on the athletic field allow for some fun gags, so Jarmusch does indulge in some of the traditional "zombies resuming their routines" jokes.

If you've seen other Jarmusch movies, like Paterson or Coffee and Cigarettes, you can sort of apply those tones to this zombie movie. The Dead Don't Die isn't even as loyal to its genre as Ghost Dog was to samurai movies or Only Lovers Left Alive was to vampire movies; those films still took their time, but they adapted to the genre. Instead, Jarmusch adapts zombies to his tone and pace.

The Dead Don't Die has a light tone, but it's not laugh-out-loud funny. Quirky would be the clearest way to describe it. Nobody's making jokes, but they're saying things that are a little off-kilter. The first meta joke was fun, but after the second meta joke, you can totally predict what the third meta joke will be.

There are a lot of characters standing around talking, making changes or guessing where tourists (led by Selena Gomez) are from. The mortician, Zelda Winston (Tilda Swinton), addresses every character by their title and full name, because that's an unusual way to talk. Murray does exactly one lone pratfall. In 2019, let's celebrate what little Bill Murray-physical comedy we still get.

At least there are plenty of gory zombie bites. When zombies are killed in this movie, they spray black dust instead of gory innards, which gives it a somewhat classier effect. If you're looking for zombie-killing, once again these characters take their time killing zombies. Even though they know the rules to aim for the head, they're in no rush.

I have to call a little B.S. on Jarmusch's deep cut references, though. Zoe (Selena Gomez) tells store clerk Bobby Wiggins (Caleb Landry Jones), "Your film knowledge is impressive" on the basis of his references to Psycho, George Romero, and Nosferatu. Come on, Zoe, aim higher. But maybe she was just being nice to the townie.

Jim Jarmusch is not at everyone's speed, but he's firmly established his own style and pacing, so everyone should know what to expect from The Dead Don't Die. It's not Zombieland. The Dead Don't Die is a traditional Jim Jarmusch movie—slowed down by zombies.

FILM

Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of June 7

Dark Phoenix turns one of Marvel's greatest stories into typical blockbuster jargon.

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

This week, Dark Phoenix turns one of Marvel's greatest stories into typical Blockbuster jargon.

WIDE RELEASE:

Dark Phoenix

"The Dark Phoenix Saga" is still regarded as one of the best X-Men runs by many long-time comic book fans. The story revolves around Jean Grey's absorption of and corruption by the Phoenix Force: "The embodiment of the very passion of Creation—the spark that gave life to the Universe, the flame that will ultimately consume it." The transformation is dark, jolting, and ultimately tragic, resolving in one of the greatest character moments in Marvel's history. The new Dark Phoenix movie, on the other hand, looks very, very generic. The trailer is practically indistinguishable from every other run-of-the-mill, big explosion superhero movie from the past five years. Aside from the brilliant casting of Sophie Turner (she was born to play Jean Grey), there's nothing exciting to see here. What a shame for such a great storyline to burn out like this.

The Secret Life of Pets 2

The Secret Life Of Pets 2 - The Final Trailer [HD]www.youtube.com

If you wagged your tail for the first The Secret Life of Pets, then you'll be sure to howl at the moon for A Dog's Purpose 2. What else is there to say about this movie? You know exactly what it is––86 minutes of animated animals to shut your kids up. Except now the main dog, Max, is being voiced by Patton Oswalt instead of Louis C.K. because you know exactly why.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Late Night

Late Night Trailer #2 (2019) | Movieclips Trailerswww.youtube.com

Emma Thompson and Mindy Kaling star in Late Night, a movie about a long-running late night talk-show host who hires an inexperienced, minority female writer to round out her all-white male staff. The script was written by Kaling, and initial reviews suggest the movie is both funny and culturally prescient. Kaling is ridiculously talented, so if you're looking for a dose of socially conscious comedy this weekend, Late Night is your best bet.

The Last Black Man in San Francisco

The Last Black Man in San Francisco | Official Trailer HD | A24www.youtube.com

The cinematography in this trailer is absolutely gorgeous. Shots frame characters amidst gorgeous sets filled with rich history. This is fitting as the plot follows two men, Jimmie and Mont, as they try to reclaim an old house built by Jimmie's grandfather in San Francisco. It won the Best Directing award and a Special Jury Prize for Creative Collaboration at Sundance this year, so it's most likely very good.

Itsy Bitsy

Itsy Bitsy (2018) Official Trailerwww.youtube.com

Itsy Bitsy is a horror movie based on the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" nursery rhyme. This is honestly one of the worst horror movie trailers ever. The premise is awful, the acting looks awful, and heck, even the spider looks rubber. I kind of love it. In fact, screw it, this is my number one must-see movie pick for this weekend.

"A legend can't be explained by science," says an old man in the trailer. Seriously, please support this film.