B.S.

This Week in Internet Hell: Evil Spirits for Sale and a Good Kind of Stroke

We ruined our browser history to bring you the best the freaky web had to offer.

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Shame, intrigue, and human connection are the pillars of Internet culture.

At least, those are lies we tell ourselves when we don't want to admit that all media is driven by loneliness, sex, and absurdity. While Internet rabbit holes are lovely, dark, and deep—exactly like that Robert Frost poem, an Anselm Kiefer painting, or puberty—some stories just keep on giving. Our ace Popdust staff has curated the best the freaky web had to offer this past week, gladly sacrificing time spent with loved ones, our ability to be appropriate at dinner parties, and our inner peace of mind. Here are this week's Internet gems:

1. Woman Suffers a Stroke Receiving Oral Sex

This story has sexy, life-threatening danger and uncomfortable detail about how nature's most intimate hug can go so terribly wrong. Plus, the woman turned out fine, so after the perverse thrill and vague undercurrent of shame, we all feel relief at the end.

2. www.reddit.com/r/Mirrorsforsale

Here's a fully active subreddit with over 50,000 subscribers entirely dedicated to looking at pictures of mirrors that are for sale somewhere. Mind you; the posters are not necessarily selling the mirrors themselves. They're just sharing pictures of them.

r/Mirrorsforsale


3. Imagine Beta O'Rourke in Sigma Alpha Epsilon

Yes, that's Beto O'Rourke's head photo-shopped onto a frat kid's body. It rocks because people will literally vote for a candidate because he's handsome.

4. EBAY: Wicca Priestess Evil Voodoo Doll Iva Haunted Active

The perks are endless: 100% buyer satisfaction, free delivery in 4 days, and step-by-step instructions how to activate and use your authentic Voodoo Doll, which was "individually handmade by the Witches of the Coven of Rosen who are Witches by birthright. They have not made up some coven or joined one." With "more than 93% sold," this is your last chance to own an authentically evil doll instead one of Mattel's manufactured ones, like creepy Little Mommy or Barbie.

Ebay: aspenfalllimitedllc

5. Florida Man Wearing Spider-Man Mask Robs Liquor Store

Dumb criminals wearing dumpster masks to their crime scenes is as common as celebrities turning out to be criminals, but Edward "Fast Eddie" Wilburn is special. As Deputy Bruce Milne said, "Wilburn might have gotten away with it if he didn't scout the store first and then return wearing the Spider-Man mask to rob the store."

ABC7 Chicago


Meg Hanson is a Brooklyn-based writer, teacher and jaywalker. Find Meg at her website and on Twitter @megsoyung.


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New Releases

Airports Drops Silky “U FEEL IT 2”

Sincere, vulnerable, and seductive.

Press Photo

Airports

Australian DIY pop artist Airports, AKA Aaron Lee, releases "U FEEL IT 2," following on the heels of his dreamy lo-fi banger, "Don't Sleep Anymore."

Aaron explains the double entendre of the song, "It started out being written as a song about a haunting relationship with depression in contrast to uplifting music, but when some of the lyrics started to spill out I realized I was also writing about positive romantic feelings for my partner." Featuring bleeding synths, blushing harmonies, and Aaron's velvety falsetto, "U FEEL IT 2" is a perfect summer anthem.

U Feel It 2


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H&M stores around the globe opened on Thursday morning to chaotic throngs of frenzied shoppers, all looking to score something from the long-awaited Balmain collection, a brand favored by Kardashians and young taste-challenged It-Girls everywhere.

Balmain's regular line of clothing is priced at $3,000 to $6,000, while the H&M collection is more affordable at just $30 to $500.

The brand's creative director Olivier Rousteing is a social media wunderkind and pal to personalities like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, not to mention Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner.

The collection was heavily touted on social media and fashion websites, ensuring that it would sell out in a matter of minutes.

At H&M stores in London, shoppers waited in line for hours, forced to wear wristbands for a ten-minute chance to dash around the store and find what they came for. In the end, those able to find anything in their size felt triumphant, if somewhat shaken by the experience. Police were called to one store where gangs of men jumped the line, planning to buy up the clothes to sell on eBay for huge profits.

Videos taken at stores in Istanbul, Croatia, and Sydney Australia showed crowds pushing and grabbing at merchandise, often at random. Naturally the store's website crashed when desperate shoppers tried their luck online.

Withing hours, pieces from the collection were listed on eBay. A jacket that sold for $499 had climbed to $1,300 with fives days left on the auction.

Why all this fuss?

Because Balmain has become shorthand for cool among young would-be it-girls and their male counterparts. The clothes themselves...that's another story. To many, the collection looks like cheap versions of the brand's inherently trashy aesthetic: Padded shoulders, sequins, beads, gold cord piping and whatever embellishments can be fastened to the tight black pieces that would not look out of place on an 80s era hooker.

But let's not quibble about taste! Balmain of 2015 is a scene more than a style. It says you belong to a racy set of wealthy celebutants, whose selfies have inspired dreams of fame and maybe even one's own flock of Instagram followers.

Watch scenes of chaos at H&M stores around the world and marvel at all the hysteria, below. You may need a sedative afterward, just a friendly warning!