CULTURE

The Full Breakdown of the 2020 Candidates' Dance Moves

Because the American people deserve to know

With less than a month left until the Iowa caucuses officially kick off primary season, it seems like we've spent the last decade slowly whittling away at an endless list of candidates.

Many voters have already seen their favorite contenders drop out of the race. Others have yet to figure out which person on a crowded debate stage best represents their interests. Obviously there are a number of axes on which you can compare the candidates, and countless articles that can help you navigate their differing economic policies, their stances on health care, or their various approaches to foreign policy. If those are the factors by which you judge a candidate, you should have no problem finding what you need to make up your mind. People like me are not so lucky.

Obama dancing with Ellen Degeneres

I have always been a single issue voter—consistently casting my ballot for the best dancer. In 2008 and 2012, I had an easy time of it. Barack Obama's blend of smooth and corny dance moves struck a perfect balance for my sensibilities, easily winning out over Mitt Romney's "Gangnam Style" convulsions, or John McCain's high-intensity robot. 2016 presented a more difficult choice. I nearly didn't vote at all, but ultimately decided that Hillary Clinton's stiff Whip and Nae Nae represented the lesser of two evils when considered against Donald Trump's apocalyptic rendition of "Hotline Bling."

Trump dance SNL SNL

Sadly, some 60 million voters didn't see what I did, and made the wrong call. I won't let that happen again. The American people deserve to see every candidate dance before they go to the polls. Until the DNC finally listens to wisdom and converts one of their debates to a dance off, I've compiled this list so that you can make an informed decision.

Elizabeth Warren

We'll get the top-tier candidates out of the way first. Senator Elizabeth Warren has nothing to hide. She has been the most upfront, transparent candidate when it comes to her big, structural dancing. And while it may not be everyone's first choice in style, you can not fault her fun-aunt-at-a-wedding energy. The latest example of her eclectic blend of fist pumping and hula dancing comes from last night's Brooklyn rally with—recent dropout and competent dancer in his own right—Julian Castro. She probably just needs a couple more glasses of zinfendel from the open bar before she really loosens up.

Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders is surprisingly spry. You might not expect a man in his 70s with heart problems to cut a rug, but Bernie is not your average senior citizen. He has the energy of a man half his age, and the timeless consistency of his dancing allows him to keep up with his young supporters.

Joe Biden

Former vice president Joe Biden dances exactly as you'd expect—slow, old fashioned, and "sweet" in a way that's uncomfortably intimate.

Andrew Yang

Silicon Valley entrepreneur Andrew Yang has more than enough spring in his step to keep up with any roomful of middle-aged women on the dance floor. His universal basic dance moves aim to remind us that we all share one dance floor.

Tulsi Gabbard

Congressional representative for Hawaii Tulsi Gabbard doesn't exactly dance—she dance-fights. Just as with her approach to debates or to the war on terror, her Capoeira moves may be a bit more aggressive than some voters want.

Amy Klobuchar

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar is known for her no-nonsense pragmatism. She strives not to make any promises she can't keep, so she will appear to be the adult in the room...but her dancing tells a different story. Klobuchar dances with the energy of a happy toddler who could enter full-blown tantrum mode at any moment.

Marianne Williamson

Marianne dancing

You may be surprised to find that spiritual guru Marianne Williamson is still in the race, but once you see her dance moves, you'll be surprised she isn't the front runner. She is as one with the music as she is with the vibrations of the universe.

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Music Reviews

Hear Fritz Hutchison's New Album "Wild Wild Acres"

Watch Fritz perform at 3PM on Popdust's livestream on Saturday, May 30th.

Fritz Hutchison just released his debut album, Wild Wild Acres.

It's the kind of album that will make you want to lounge in a hammock all day or ride a horse across the country or just drop everything and howl at the moon—it sounds like that kind of freedom. Hutchison is alternatively blunt and sincere, a trickster with a performative flair and a penchant for sunny hooks.

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Cardi B has been making waves for her style, powerful energy, and headline-worthy interview in a recent issue of American Vogue.

While she did address her relationship with Offset and how she balances being a mom and a star, she also took some time to discuss politics.

"You like a certain artist that do crazy s***," she said. "But this person is in charge of our country. This person is in charge of our well-being. When it comes to my president, I want my president to be, like, extremely holy. That is the person I want to look up to."

Revelist

So what would a holy president look like? "I don't want my president to have any hatred toward a certain type of people," she clarified. "I don't want my president to be arguing with freaking celebrities or caring what people think of him. I want my president to tell me an answer on s*** that really matters. I don't want my president to entertain me. I just don't."

Since 2016, Cardi B. has publicly endorsed Bernie Sanders, even appearing on camera in an endearing interview with the Democratic candidate, who is currently beating Trump in some polls. According to the rapper, she supports Sanders because he is a "humanitarian" who "has the perfect intentions" and "naturally cares about minorities. He actually cares about people getting Medicare because he knows they can't afford it," she said. "I don't feel like he's just saying these things 'cause he want the vote."

Bernie x Cardi B www.youtube.com

Medicare for All, she said, makes sense, especially in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. "It's like, why is this such a successful country and we don't have Medicare for everyone? It's like, how are people gonna work if they're sick? People gonna f*cking be paying forever. And we don't have freaking free schools? That discourages people to want to go to school if you gotta pay for it."

As a mother, she also sees Sanders as an investment in her child's future. "I give my daughter so much love, and I'm setting her up for a future," she said. "I want to tell her that a lot of the s*** that I have done in life—no matter what I did, knowing that I wanted to have kids made me go harder to secure a good future for my kids."