MUSIC

Not Everyone Should Have a Music Career: The 10 Worst Celebrity Songs

Just because someone can act, that does not mean they can sing.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

All too often, when a celebrity's head gets too big for their own good, their inflated brain decides they have what it takes to have a music career.

Technically, they're right––the only thing anyone actually needs to produce an album is cold, hard cash. But all the money in the world can't buy musical talent, which is why pretty much every celebrity album is screaming ear cancer. Come delight in making fun of people who are so wealthy that they fail to realize they have zero musical ability. These celebrity songs are truly the worst of the worst:

Jeremy Renner - Heaven Don't Have a Name

If anyone ever had a fever dream where Hawkeye from the Avengers sang a ripoff of Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive" that was somehow worse than "Radioactive," we're sorry to inform them that their nightmare has become a reality.

Heaven Don't Have a Name www.youtube.com

Brie Larson - She Said

Brie Larson's horrendous attempt at an Avril impression features inspired lyrics like "La dee da, la dee dee," along with a really poor Napoleon Dynamite impersonator in the music video.

Brie Larson - She Said (Radio Edit) www.youtube.com

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)

While "daddy issues" may be a sexist trope at this point, it's hard to describe Lindsay Lohan's music as indicative of anything else. "Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)" is less a "song" and more a "desperate cry for help."

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father) www.youtube.com

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World

Based on sound alone, Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World is honestly pretty generic pop. But this music video...just wow. It's about a little, toad-faced, creeper kid who gets straight up abused at school and then goes home to spy on his hot adult neighbor (Paris Hilton, of course) while she undresses. Then she grinds on him a bunch in her underwear. This is horrifying because he's like 13-year-old, max.

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World www.youtube.com

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

"Respect Yourself" is kind of like Aretha Franklin's "Respect" except instead of being sung by one of the most talented vocalists to ever live, it's sung by action star Bruce Willis and also has kind of weird religious undertones.

Respect Yourself ~ Bruce Willis www.youtube.com

Steven Seagal - Girl It's Alright

Steven Seagal has been hit with multiple accusations of sexual assault over the years, and this song is not helping his case at all.

Stiven Seagal "Girl it's alright" www.youtube.com

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

If Gwyneth Paltrow's "Country Strong" were revealed to be a parody of country music that she made solely because she despises poor people and anything that might interest them, it would be easy to believe.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong www.youtube.com

Heidi Montag - Blackout

Heidi Montag writhing around a pool in a bikini while shouting crappy, off-key, bubblegum pop directly into a camera is somehow the pinnacle of both blandness and grossness at the same time.

Heidi Montag - Blackout (Official Video) www.youtube.com

Robert Downey Jr. - Man Like Me

To Robert Downey Jr.'s credit, these vocals are raw, untouched by fancy audio effects that might possibly make his voice anything close to listenable. Because truly, his vocals are unlistenable. This is homeless man singing on the subway bad.

Robert Downey Jr. sings "Man like Me" www.youtube.com

Hulk Hogan - I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac

Okay, now this is epic. Hulk Hogan's "I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac" transcends the good-bad binary. It is a portal to another era, a simpler time when maybe someone really did want to be a "Hulkamaniac" but wasn't sure how to make that dream a reality. Luckily, Hulk Hugan was there to talk-rap instructions, encouraging listeners to take vitamins, say no to drugs, and have fun with family and friends. This actually might be the best celebrity song ever.

Hulk Hogan- I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac www.youtube.com

Wah! Wah! Wah! Poor old bullied Farrah Abraham... Wah!

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have spoken out in defense of the Teen Mom star following her shit-tastic and utterly insane appearance on the most recent season of Britain’s Celebrity Big Brother.

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As Popdust previously reported, Abraham paired up with fellow yank, and porn star, Jenna Jameson, during her time in the CBB house, and they made for a truly deranged and deluded gruesome twosome indeed.

Literally from the get go, Abraham was up in everyone’s grill, on the attack, accusing all the British housemates of being “phony” and filled with “Satan” and butting heads—particularly with comedian Bobby Davro and singer Natasha Hamilton.

Teen Mom Porn Star Farrah Abraham Writing Christian Parenting Book

To the casual and uniformed reality TV viewer, Abraham came across as the undoubted aggressor, stirring up a whoop ass can of shit and leaving a trail of verbal destruction in her wake—however, to the more seasoned and discerning reality TV viewer, not so!

In fact, according to Speidi, who were runners-up on season 11 of the show, back in 2013, it was actually poor old Farrah who was bullied and disrespected by the others—and, according to Speidi, the 24-year-old was set up and FORCED into acting like a psychopath.

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The renown and respected Reality TV sages shared their words of wisdom with US Weekly:

She’s had such unfair treatment all season long. They bait her, and she tries to make up with them and then they degrade her under their breath as a mom or a woman and whenever she stands up for herself, they call her crazy.

They’ve had no respect for her from the beginning. ... She was the only entertaining part of that show. She just owned it. It’s awful how they called her ‘disgusting on the inside,’ and they just wouldn’t stop. How would anyone react to that?

As far as I’m concerned, with the way they’ve been attacking her, anything she does is self-defense. ... Farrah was totally set up. It’s not that I condone violence, but I completely understand why she’d react to these people because she has been bullied since the day she went in there.”

Did these two morons watch a totally different season of the show?!!!

Because, in the one that we watched, Abraham was the one threatening to “straight up fucking kill this whole fucking house” following a fight over a pair of flip flops; Abraham was the one screaming, shouting and acting like a clearly mentally unhinged piece of shit; Abraham was the one doling it out and then crying like a baby and ranting like a crazy woman when it came back to her….

Farrah Abraham: “The Sex Tape Ruined My Life!”

Oh, and let’s not forget—it was Abraham who, upon being voted out of the house, verbally attacked a previous CBB contestant, before going on to physically attack another, during a live TV broadcast of the follow-up show, landing another former contestant, Vicki Michelle, in hospital, and forcing the show to go temporarily off air.

But, hey, what do WE know?!!

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Abraham continued to play the victim card right up till the end—making sure she was photographed leaving a hospital in a wheelchair, and then refusing to attend the taping of the live finale for purposes of self preservation—tweeting, “I will NOT be attending the @bbuk finale tonight! I don't wish to put myself in a potentially hostile situation #Cbb.”

Meanwhile, the Farrah Abraham crazy train rolls on….

This week's episode of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars was the season finale, and after two weeks of hell the reality stars had to decide if they were going to stick it out in their relationships or move on without their other half.

At the end of last week, the couples were separated for a night to really think about the state of their relationships and decide if they were going to give their spouse back their wedding ring at the ring ceremony. Well everyone except for Tyson, because that prick never gave Rachel a ring in the first place.

Tyson was literally still second guessing what to do with Rachel, and all the other guys were getting seriously pissed off at him because he's such a pig.

"If Tyson was my sister’s boyfriend, I definitely would’ve told him he needed to propose  or get lost a long time ago," Spencer said.

Back on the women's side of the house, Aviva was questioning whether or not slimy Reid would give her back her ring at the ceremony.

"I think Reid and I have a great relationship and he’s an amazing guy," Aviva confessed. "BUT if I have done something ever to piss Reid off, it’s not beneath Reid to get me up there and to not give me a ring." That sounds about right.

Spencer was freaking out a bit because until recently, he didn't realize how serious Heidi was about starting a family with him.

"I did not realize how serious this baby shit was," he said. "But now this is life or death type shit. I thought this was marriage boot camp, not baby boot camp."

When Spencer met with Jim before the ring ceremony, Jim told him flat out that he needed to man up and make the right decision.

"If you’re just playing her along and you’re never going to have kids with her, then you’re a horrible person and you need to let her go," Jim said.

"I’m definitely debating not giving Heidi the ring because I feel like I’ve not treated her right and I don’t deserve to be wearing a wedding ring that’s connected to her," Spencer confessed."

Finally came the ring ceremony, and what a flop that was! Literally every single couple did the respectable thing and gave their spouses their rings back!! Even Heidi and Spencer, who actually decided to start trying for a baby in September.

The only couple that was left was Tyson and Rachel...surely they'll give us some drama, right?! WRONG! Rachel had made up her mind that if Tyson didn't propose at the ring ceremony she was going to leave him for good, but the pig actually got down on one knee and asked Rachel to marry him. Boooooring.

So does this mean they live happily ever after? Yeah right!

What did you think of the finale of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars? Sound off in the comments below!

 

On this week’s episode of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars, everyone gets hooked up to a lie detector and asked questions not only about themselves and their relationships, but about other couples in the group. Yikes.

Everyone is extremely honest on the lie detector tests, even admitting their own faults and f*ck ups. Everyone, that is, except Aviva and Reid. The two of them literally are deceptive on every single question, which shocks no one.

When asked if she came to boot camp to work on her marriage, Aviva lies and said yes. Of course you didn’t come to boot camp to work on your marriage! You came for an extra 15 minutes of fame. You don’t even like your husband!

After the lie detector exercise, the couples were told that the have a hall pass for their last night in the house to reflect on their relationships and make their final decision of whether or not they still want to be with their significant others.

The guys and girls split up and go in different party buses to different clubs. The guys are actually having fun and being really good. That is until Reid’s bright idea to invite a bunch of girls over do dance with them at the club. All the other guys are like WTF dude? Then he gets drunk and starts in with the LAMEST game you’ve ever heard in your life. He’s even offering $60 to some random girl to give Tyson a blowjob and he thinks he’s hilarious. No one’s amused.

The girls are having a great time, especially Heidi who is dancing her surgically enhanced ass off at that club.

“Heidi has been lying to us,” Syleena said. “Apparently she used to be a stripper.”

Guys are hitting on Rachel left and right and Heidi is drunk dancing like a slore, yet tells every guys who comes over to watch to f*ck off! On the party bus ride home, Heidi and Aviva get into a screaming match that leaves Heidi crying in a corner. Aviva of course plays the victim, which makes everybody hate her even more.

When they get back to the house and meet back up with the guys, everyone gets filled in on what happened with their significant others. Rachel is pissed when she finds out that Reid tried to buy Tyson a blowjob. As the night winds down, Reid and Aviva are on everyone shit list and everyone goes to bed knowing that they all have to make a huge decision the next day.

Who’s brilliant idea was this drunken hall pass?? Oh yeah, these quack TV counselors.

What did you think of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars? Sound off in the comments below!

Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars may be winding down, but things in that crazy house are just heating up.

Aviva Drescher and her husband Reid have been getting on everyone’s nerves pretty much since the beginning, but things escalated this weeks when yet again Aviva and Reid only half-ass participated with the group.

It just so happens that this particular drill included food…lots and lots of food. And the only natural thing for Natalie Nunn to do to vent her frustrations with Aviva is to start a food fight!

Hotdogs and cupcakes started flying between the two women, but in the end absolutely nothing got resolved.

“If you guys can’t participate, we will all gladly help you pack you bags and leave,” Natalie said.

Even the counselor Liz agreed that Aviva and Reid were being bullshit participants.

“As long as Aviva and Reid skirt the rules of our exercises, they wont only hurt their own development,” she said. “They’ll also be a distraction to the other couples.”

Aviva of course took zero blame and had the nerve to accuse Natalie of hitting her.

“I tried in good fun actually to get them back on her, and at one point she came and actually her fist hit my face,” Aviva said. “I mean that’s assault. We’re dealing with people here who are at best barbaric.”

Shocking how in a room full of about 14 people, NO ONE saw this alleged assault. Later, Natalie went to sort things out with Aviva. When she heard that Aviva thought she hit her, Natalie actually apologized that Aviva felt afraid. This sent the entire group into a tailspin because literally no one saw Natalie hit Aviva and they were pissed that Natalie apologized to that nutcase.

For once, it was Tyson Apostol who had some words of wisdom.

“Aviva is just here to get a little bit more famous and Reid is here to support her getting a little more famous,” he said.

But Tyson was in hot water later when in the final drill, the couples had to choose between two doors – the Selfless door or the Selfish door. Rachel Foulger (rightfully) chose the selfish door marked marriage because after 6 years of being pulled along on a string by Tyson, she deserves a real commitment. Tyson did what he does best…he chose the selfish door of Rachel with no marriage. Of course they choose opposite doors because they suck as a couple!

“You’re still choosing Tyson’s way,” Rachel cried. “You just don’t get it. We’re not on the same path and I’m losing hope.”

Tyson responds with, “I would prefer that you be maximum happy, even if it’s not with me.”

Aww, how romantic. Can we just stick a fork in them already?!?

What did you think of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars? Sound off in the comments below!

This week’s episode of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars is all about forgiving and forgetting, but that is much easier said than done for most of the trainwrecks in that house.

For the first drill, the boot campers have to identify traumatic moments from their past that have left them scarred and with baggage. Jim and Elizabeth Carroll use childhood photos of each of the celebrities to hopefully trigger the emotions and memories they need to heal.

Syleena Johnson admits that she was molested as a child, and that rather than protect her, her father was like a useless shadow living in her house. Heidi Montag opens up about being molested several times as a very young child and breaks down talking to the childhood photo of herself.

Aviva Drescher talks about the accident that occurred when she was six years old that resulted in her losing her leg. Her story is heartbreaking, but instead of feeling the raw emotion of her past like the others are doing, she is a stone cold robot that may as well be telling you a story about her last summer vacay in the Hamptons. She's SUCH a robot.

The other houseguests are understandably pissed that they were so open and so vulnerable, but Aviva refused to go there. In a therapeutic environment, they don't feel like Aviva is participating at all.

After that, Spencer Pratt sits down with Jim who has concerns that he's not fully committing to the process either. Spencer admits that he's not, and it's because he got so burned by a former reality TV producer who cast him as the "villain" in The Hills.

"I have to be extra guarded now because I got so played out and manipulated by reality TV producers," Spencer says.

"Do you think the producers here want to do that?" Jim asks.

"I have suspicions," Spencer replies.

For the final drill, the celebrities are forced to admit who in their life has hurt them the most and must choose between two doors, Forgive or Forget. Syleena chooses to forgive her father, and when she walks through the door he is standing on the other side. What a piece of shit this guy is. She cries her heart out to him, and he takes zero responsibility for anything. Why did you even go on the show then, dick?

Heidi admits that the person she's angriest at in her life is none other than Lauren Conrad. A therapist stands in to act as 'Lauren' and Heidi forgives her for treating her like an indentured servant and being a shitty friend.

Lastly, Spencer decides to forgive the reality TV producer that he says destroyed his life, past and future. Jim stands in as the 'Producer' and eggs Spencer on to get him to really deal with his hatred for this man. It's at this point we start feeling like Spencer has lost touch with reality and might actually knock Jim the f*ck out! It's just pretend Spencer! Security!!! He finally forgives the producer and everyone breathes a sigh of relief...especially Jim.

What did you think of this week's episode? Sound off in the comments below!