Culture Feature

7 Times Ryan Reynolds Proved That He's Too Good to Be True

The teddy bear reward is just Ryan Reynolds' latest good deed...but it conceals a dark terrible secret. Scroll to the end to earn the truth.

There's something not quite right about Ryan Reynolds...

It's not his strong jawline, his muscled figure, his quick, self-deprecating wit, or even his singing voice. Those are all pretty great. No, it's the fact that he has all of those things, and also seems to be a loving husband and father who is passionate about helping others and the planet. Like... pick a lane, dude.

He can't be 2010's People's sexiest man alive, and also be a comic book nerd who makes his nerd-dream come true, and also an avid environmentalist, and also a successful entrepreneur, and also one of the funniest actors in Hollywood, with a beautiful family, and Hugh Jackman for a side piece. He can't. It's too many things, and if it doesn't stop soon, we will have no choice but to dig around until we discover the dark, terrible secret that he must be concealing.

Because no one is that good. No handsome, successful, clever man who isn't trying to hide something would do all that. He's too good to be true. Just look at...

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Meet the Failed Humans Pretending Bullied 9-Year-Old Quaden Bayles Is an 18-Year-Old Scam Artist

Facts can't stop the absolute scum of the Internet from coming after a nine-year-old, and oh man, they're coming at him hard.

*Trigger warning: suicide-related content*

In a heartbreaking video out of Brisbane, Australia, mother Yarraka Bayles filmed her nine-year-old son, Quaden, experiencing a suicidal breakdown after a bullying incident at school.

According to Yarraka, bullying is a constant presence in Quaden's life, largely due to other children making fun of his dwarfism. In this instance, Yarraka and her daughter witnessed one of Quaden's classmates "patting him on the head and making references to his height."

"You could tell he was very uncomfortable, but he was so good at trying to shrug things off. He doesn't want people to know how much it's affecting him; he's so strong and confident, but it's times like these when you just see him crumble. It was just heartbreaking to watch, it made me feel helpless," said Yarraka to NITV News.

The video quickly went viral, offering a candid look into the emotional effects that constant bullying can have on children, especially those with disabilities. And while Yarraka got some pushback for broadcasting such a personal experience for her child, the video caught the attention of celebrities from MMA fighters to pro-footballers to Hugh Jackman. Comedian Brad Williams, who also has dwarfism, even raised $200,000 to send Quaden to Disneyland.

But bullies don't just exist in elementary school anymore. They're all over the Internet, they're (presumably) older than nine years old, and they have no qualms about attacking children over harebrained conspiracy theories.

There's no better way to get this point across than to state it outright: A lot of people online are absolutely awful and very, very, very stupid.

In this particular instance, a whole slew of them have decided that Quaden Bayles, a 9-year-old bullied boy with dwarfism, is, in reality, an 18-year-old scam artist and wealthy influencer who staged a suicidal breakdown for monetary gain. Their evidence is as follows:

-They found Quaden's child acting profile.

-They found Quaden's Instagram, which he almost definitely runs with the help of his mom.

-Some of the pictures feature Quaden in coordinated outfits.

-There is a picture of Quaden at a birthday party in front of the number 18, which means that out of the five people in the picture, Quaden must be the one turning 18 (as opposed to, say, the bigger guy on the left).

That's it. That's their evidence. They keep talking about how Quaden changed all of these supposed references to his "real" age after the video went viral, but not a single one of them has provided any ounce of actual proof. It almost feels like giving them too much credit to even attempt to debunk their conspiracies, but it's worth pointing out that in another picture from that 18th birthday party, it very clearly says "Garlen's 18th Birthday."

Furthermore, it makes perfect sense that Quaden would have a social media presence and an acting profile––His mom, Yarraka, has been involved in a Dwarfism Awareness not-for-profit organization since 2014, and building up advocacy efforts around her son is a great way to draw awareness to the issues that affect him. Oh, and here's one of his media appearances from 2015, when he was five. You'll notice in the video that he is clearly a five-year-old child.

But hey, even facts can't stop the absolute scum of the Internet from coming after a nine-year-old, and oh man, they're coming at him hard.

These people are out here sh*tting on a bullied nine-year-old with dwarfism because they believed something some rando said on Instragram. So in this case, yeah, let's write humanity off as a failed experiment and call it a day.


Robert Pattinson Can't Be "The Most Handsome Man in the World"

That concept is nonsense—and also, it's Jason Momoa.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

It's not just a comforting bromide to tell ugly children; it's an undeniable fact of our reality. Each individual's experience of the world is purely subjective—informed by personal history and unique brain chemistry—which is what makes it so absurd when the Daily Mail declares Robert Pattinson "the most handsome man in the world." We cannot share an identical response to any stimulus, which means that we will never achieve an objective measure of a fundamentally experiential quality like handsomeness. Whoever they chose would necessarily have been controversial—except, of course, the correct answer: Jason Momoa.

Jason Momoa Wet T-shirt

How does the Daily Mail even come to its conclusions? Did they do a survey of the entire world—sending photographers to every rural market in Zimbabwe and through the favelas of São Paulo? Did they spend their entire decade's budget on compiling images of the world's men, or do they not consider the plebeians outside their TV screens and magazine pages to be truly human? Are we not men to them? Clearly we are not, because if they had scoured our planet's bus stops and the secluded tribes of Papua New Guinea—seen every last one of us—they would have realized that there is no jawline as perfectly sculpted as Jason Momoa's, no brow that arches with so much intrigue and allure.

In reality, the Daily Mail made their conclusion based on consultation from cosmetic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, who has created a system for defining perfect beauty in mathematical terms. The system relies on the irrational number phi (1.618339…), and the ancient Greek concept of the golden ratio—also known as the "divine proportion"—which has been dubiously ascribed various significance. Dr. De Silva's system measures each feature of a person's face and how the features relate to one another with that ratio in mind. Last year he used his method to declare Bella Hadid the world's most beautiful woman. No doubt a lot of effort went into consolidating data on what people find attractive and fitting it to a theory of phi. It's actually an endeavor that makes a lot of sense for someone in Dr. De Silva's field, despite the limitations of codifying subjectivity and the factual reality of Jason Momoa.

Young Jason Momoa

That said, there are some obvious flaws in how those measurements are made—using only 2D images rather than a 3D scan—and it seems a bit weird that "the most handsome man in the world" would only align with about 92% of Dr. De Silva's Platonic ideal of a male face. But what is far more troubling—and possibly grounds to revoke his medical license?—is the fact that Dr. De Silva put in all this work and didn't take into account the existence of two piercing hazel eyes that squint pure joy directly at your soul each time Jason Momoa smiles.

To be fair, the star of The Lighthouse, and the Twilight series is technically a decent looking human male—as are Henry Cavill, Bradley Cooper, and the other men who ranked highly according to Dr. De Silva's system. Pattinson has some solid bone structure and a wild mane of hair that always looks a little dirty, but in kind of a fun way. If we're going to be as generous as possible, it would be appropriate to say that he's sort of a pasty, British, low-T Jason Momoa. But could he pick me up and hold me in his arms like an actual superhero—a Polynesian demi-god—and carry me away from all the world's pain while I hold tight to his beard and run one finger along the bold scar above his eye? No. He's not a sculpted 6'4" tower of benevolent muscle. He's a measly 6'1"—basically a 9th grade basketball player, and just as moody.

Jason Momoa as Aquaman

To put it simply, beauty is entirely subjective and impossible to quantify, and also the Daily Mail and Dr. De Silva are spreading blatant lies and committing Jason Momoa erasure. Canceled.