FILM

"Cats" Is the Worst "Star Wars" Movie Yet

If you were hoping that Cats would be a great Star Wars movie, you're in for a disappointment. It's a bad one.

As a huge Star Wars fan, I've spent months looking forward to the latest entry in the saga: Cats.

I wish I could say that all the anticipation was worth it, but I honestly think it's the worst Star Wars movie yet—and yes, I'm including the prequels. While I understood the backlash to The Last Jedi, I didn't expect J.J. Abrams to so thoroughly retcon all of Rian Johnson's contributions to the Star Wars universe. It was like starting over from scratch.

Perhaps that's why he also felt the need to throw in such a huge cast of new characters we've never heard of before. New characters appear and are introduced so quickly that it's hard to know who we're supposed to care about, which really saps the energy out of all the intrigue and interpersonal drama. Leaving aside the introduction of new elements like the Heaviside Layer—which promises new life, erasing the stakes of mortal danger—I just didn't find myself invested in any member of the Jellicle tribe (who seem to be the new faction of the Resistance).

Early in the film it seemed that Rum Tum Tugger—a rebellious character with a lot of sex appeal, in the mold of Han Solo—was going to be central to the action now that Han himself has been killed off. But as things progressed, I was less and less sure. Was I supposed to be looking for some conflict to arise with the new Jabba the Hutt character—an imposing plutocrat named Bustopher Jones? Or is the true villain the kidnapper Macavity, played by Idris Elba, who steals away the sage, Obi-Wanesque Old Deuteronomy, as portrayed by Judi Dench?



And can we please talk about these new names? Star Wars has always had some weird ones—I'm not going to defend Jek Porkins—but Munkustrap? Skimbleshanks? Bombalurina? Do all the new characters have to have dumb names like this? Obviously I'll make an exception for the bright spot that is Mr. Mistoffelees—whose name is almost as cool as his mysterious new force powers.

Speaking of force powers, it's great that there are so many new force-users performing acrobatic Jedi moves, but does it have to be such a focus? The newest installment was so obsessed with showcasing these impressive abilities that it seemed to forget entirely about Star Wars staples. With very little in the way of training montages, characters seem to be able to perform superhuman feats the likes of which we've never seen before, but I don't think I saw a single light saber battle.

Speaking of Star Wars staples, did John Williams drop out of this one or something? The music in this one was fun at times, but it lacked the thrilling, epic scale of Williams' orchestral sound. And all the characters singing about themselves and each other didn't really help. I also thought it was a strange decision to make the switch back to CGI from the practical effects that have dominated in the sequels so far.

That said, replacing all the characters with sexy anthropomorphic cat people was a great call, and made me really excited for the future of Star Wars. Go see this one with your parents.

FILM

Why "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker" Is Breaking All the Ticket Pre-Sale Records

Unpacking the phenomenon of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Recently, the final trailer for the final movie in the final trilogy of the mainline Star Wars franchise dropped, and fans are taking out their wallets en masse.

Per Atom Tickets, pre-sale movie tickets for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker have been flying off virtual shelves faster than a womp rat in an X-Wing, or some other Star Wars reference. First hour sales broke the previous record holder, Avengers: Endgame's sale numbers by 45 percent. So what's all the fuss about?

To be honest, as a die-hard Star Wars fan, I was a bit disappointed by the trailer. I watched the entire thing wondering when the porgs would show up, but there were none. Believe me, I checked three times, and I can sadly confirm that there are zero porgs in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (at least if the trailer is to be believed).

No doubt, other hardcore fans will be devastated when they discover the lack of porgs for themselves. Us lifelong Starheads (that's what I call everyone in my Star Wars group chat) who have been watching since Star Wars: The Last Jedi understand that porgs––the cute little alien bird things that I bought a life-size plush of––are the lifeblood of the long-running franchise.

Sure, this new movie has C-3PO, a big lightsaber battle, and the hairy monster guy who screams a lot, but where are the porgs? I'm betting that most of the people clamoring to buy tickets right now are filthy casuals who don't know the first thing about Star Wars, because if they did, they'd be holding off until we have some sort of official statement on why porgs have been cut from this film. #NoPorgsNoTicket

Film Lists

7 Movies to Look Forward to in 2019 (That Aren't from Comic Books)

Look, "Pokémon: Detective Pikachu" looks like it could be really, really bad; but a true pokemon fan shouldn't care at this point.

Movie

Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

From new seasons of binge-worthy favorites to horrible reboots of reality TV, 2019 will bring some of our dreams and nightmares to the small screen.

On the silver screen, this year will bring a record-breaking number of superhero movies to theaters. But a windfall of new features from masterminds like James Cameron, M. Night Shyamalan, and J.J. Abrams are also slated for release. Here are seven upcoming films on which to pin all your hopes for the future of cinema:

1. Alita: Battle Angel

Release date: February 14

Most of America had probably never heard of Alita: Battle Angel before the teaser trailer dropped a little over a year ago, but heck, the visuals look darn good. Apparently this film has been a passion project of James Cameron's for years, as the director first announced it was going into development in 2003. The movie was held up due to Cameron's work on Avatar, and after proving his talent with some impressive rewrites, the reigns were handed to action film auteur Robert Rodriguez. This movie looks like an epic cyberpunk sci-fi classic in the making.

2. Us

Release date: March 22

Get Out was a perfect horror movie, and no one saw it coming. Us gives us the return of Jordan Peele as writer and director, and this time we're ready for it from the get-go. The trailer is a work of marketing genius, notably taking the Northern California hip-hop classic by Luniz, "I Got 5 On It," and weaving it into a haunting, ambient backdrop. The twist of the film seems to have already been revealed in all of the trailers, but for brevity: a family moves to a new beachfront home in California and are soon visited by shadowy figures. The film seems more like a straight-forward slasher film than the psychologically stimulating Get Out, and everyone should be pumped.

3. Glass

Release date: January 18

Okay, okay, so this is kind of a comic book movie—but not really! M. Night made these guys up all on his own, and as a sequel to his beloved sleeper-hit Unbreakable and Split, we should all be excited. It's uncharted territory for both the fans and M. Night himself, so we're all in this together. The trailers have been hyping the movie for months, and the cast is brimming with fan favorites, like the unparalleled Sarah Paulson, the ghoulishly talented James McAvoy, and the legend himself, Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, and Bruce Willis looks like he'll be in this too, but who knows if he'll be acting, or just kind of…there. Check out the trailer below.

4. Star Wars IX

Release date: December 20

Can the Star Wars sequel trilogy be redeemed from the abysmal fan response to The Last Jedi? Well, Disney scrapped the underdog director strategy and put the King of Cliffhangers, JJ Abrams, back in the saddle, so at least we know we're going to get something we're used to. Promotional material for this final chapter in the trilogy has been sparse, and the beloved main characters from the original trilogy are effectively un-reprisable. At this point, the fans are all just wondering what could possibly be next. Well, one bit of good news is we're getting the original Lando back!

5. Pet Sematary

Release date: April 5

Of all the horror movies that have been rebooted in the last 10 years, none has better deserved a revamp than Pet Sematary. The remake looks dark, eerie, chilling, and refined. From the trailer, Jason Clarke seems to bring a much more nuanced approach to the character of Louis Creed, and it also looks like they've done away with the distasteful element of the "ancient Indian burial ground." As far as horror movie remakes go, this one looks like it's worth the facelift.

6. Godzilla: King of Monsters

Release date: May 31

Alright, almost everyone in America was monstrously disappointed by the 2014 Godzilla reboot. The pacing was sluggish, and we didn't get any of that sweet, sweet Godzilla action until the last 15 minutes of the movie. Well, the producers at Warner Brothers heard our pleas and answered with Godzilla: King of Monsters. With two trailers promising epic monster brawls and dramatic existential conflicts, both the hardcore and casual Godzilla fan should be excited.

7. Pokémon: Detective Pikachu

Release date: May 10

If you were born in the 90's and had a halfway decent childhood, odds are you played a lot of Pokemon growing up. For us now-adult poke-fans, the idea of a live-action, feature-length film starring our favorite magical monsters seemed to be relegated to the world of cheap but excellent fanfiction. But no more. Our dreams have been made real, with the confusing (and potentially disastrous) casting of Ryan Reynolds as everyone's favorite electric mouse, Pikachu. It looks like it could be really, really bad; but a true pokemon fan shouldn't care at this point. We just want to see Pokemon in the real world - if we have to suffer through Reynold's annoying yammering for an hour and a half, so be it.


Ahmed is a media writer, tech enthusiast, and college student. He has a Twitter: @aahsure


POP⚡DUST | Read More...


Hulu Documents Hoax and Challenges Netflix with "Fyre Fraud"

This Egg Is Hotter Than Kylie Jenner

Why "Baby Shark" Is an Evil Song—And Top 40 Hit

FILM & TV

SATURDAY FILM SCHOOL | Westworld's' New Game Isn't in Our Favor

Looks like the robots and humans aren't getting along in Westworld season two.

HBO's 'Westworld'

Are you the white or black hat?

Keep ReadingShow less