Culture Feature

Joe Rogan Is Right — Straight White Men Are Being Silenced!

Won't anyone please consider the plight of the straight white man?

I'm not supposed to be saying this.

I'm not really sure I'm supposed to be saying anything at all. Because the truth is... I'm a straight white man.

I know it's shocking. I'll probably be fired before I can finish typing this sentence. A straight white male being paid to voice his opinions in the year of our lord 2021 — and saying shit like "year of our lord" as if it weren't bad enough already.

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TV

My Secret Crush: Judge Judy

I'd often fantasize about the stability Judge Judy might be able to instill in my disjointed life.

CBS

After 25 seasons, Judge Judy⁠—the TV courtroom show starring the eponymous Judge Judith Sheindlin⁠—is coming to an end.

While discussing this monumental event, I let slip a deep, dark secret to my co-workers, a secret that I've never dared utter before: I might have a crush on Judge Judy.

My editor said I should write about it but then quickly retracted her approval. "Don't be creepy about Judge Judy," she said.

"The other day, we published an article about John C. Reilly's hot son," I said. If commenting on the hotness of John C. Reilly's (grown man) son isn't at least a little bit creepy, then me talking about my very real emotion-driven crush on Judge Judy shouldn't be creepy either.

Judge Judy has been a mainstay on daytime television for the vast majority of my life. She's 77 years old and has been presiding over her televised courtroom since 1996; I'm not even 30. I'm also in a committed relationship, and to be clear, I'm absolutely not saying that I would give up everything for the chance to date Judge Judy. Moreover, Judge Judy is married, so I doubt she'd be interested in dating me, anyways. No, my crush on Judge Judy isn't a youthful, naive, "throw caution to the wind" kind of crush. Rather, it's the kind of crush that develops almost out of necessity.

Judge Judy CBS

As a senior in college, I interned on a TV show called The Soup that centered around comedian Joel McHale making fun of humorous clips from other TV shows. While higher-ups on the totem pole mined current TV shows that viewers actually cared about, interns were tasked with finding "evergreen" content from daytime TV that could be used anytime, because nobody actively watched any of it. Thus, I got saddled with Judge Judy.

So for five months, I went into an office every other day, brewed myself a cup of coffee, and strapped in for six-to-eight hours of Judge Judith Sheindlin's no-nonsense judging.

Now might be a good time to note that I'm a deeply indecisive person, to the extent that my indecisiveness borders on pathological. Deciding what to order on Grubhub or picking a TV show to watch on Netflix is more than enough to send me spiraling into decision paralysis. Oftentimes, we're attracted to people who possess traits that make up for our own shortcomings, so naturally I was drawn to Judge Judy's perpetual sense of conviction.

Judge Judy had the uncanny ability to look at a case and know within minutes—sometimes even seconds!—who was right and who was wrong. Some defendants might have walked in with a smug demeanor and an "I didn't do anything wrong!" attitude, but Judge Judy always made sure that the bad apples got what they deserved.

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining," Judge Judy would say to slimeballs who attempted to lie in her courtroom.

As I watched episode after episode after episode of Judge Judy, I'd often fantasize about the stability Judge Judy might be able to instill in my disjointed life. If she could pinpoint an abusive ex-spouse with a single glance, she could also say, "We're ordering Chinese tonight" without a second thought. And if she was capable of discerning lies practically before they were even spun, she could definitely say, "Just put on The Office." There could never be nonsense on Judge Judy's watch. Judge Judy's time was precious—so unlike my own, as I spent day after day witnessing the carousel of liars, cheats, and thieves in her courtroom.

Eventually, my internship ended, and I never watched an episode of Judge Judy ever again. And yet, anytime I hear the name "Judge Judy," I'm hit with a strange sense of comfort. Perhaps my feelings are not directed at Judge Judy, the person, so much as the idea of Judge Judy, an almost mythical figure representing competence and conviction. Maybe amidst a life plagued by indecision and insecurity, the presence of Judge Judy feels like a bedrock of sorts, like no matter how hard things get, someone will know the right thing to do. Perhaps that someone is Judge Judy.

Or maybe I just think Judge Judy is kind of hot.

CULTURE

John C. Reilly's Son Is a Hot E-Boy, and I'm Very Confused

Meet Leo Reilly, the 22-year-old model, musician, and TikToker who looks nothing like his dad.

For most of us raised among slapstick comedy of the 2000s, John C. Reilly is most often associated with his roles in films like Step Brothers or shows like Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

But the actor, whose resume includes Chicago, Boogie Nights, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape, also has a family to attend to when he's not caught up in on-screen antics. While that's nothing new to write home about, I'm incredibly shocked to discover that Reilly and his wife, fellow actor Alison Dickey, have an alarmingly attractive son. This son is Leo Reilly, a 22-year-old model, TikToker, and pop musician who records under the alias LoveLeo. Backed by a few hundred thousand followers, he's garnered attention lately surrounding his debut single, "BOYFREN." But above all, folks of the Internet are in disbelief that he's from the same gene pool as his funnyman dad.

I'm not saying John C. Reilly is ugly, per se—in fact, he was quite handsome in his youth! But the lack of apparent physical features shared between him and his dangly-earring-and-nail polish-wearing, E-boy son is astounding. It feels as though the two have been plucked from entirely different universes; Leo looks like the Gen Z Freddie Mercury, while I can't see a photo of his father without hearing "Did you touch my drum set?"

www.youtube.com

But don't be fooled—the two seem tight. Leo shares his love for his pops pretty often on his Instagram, where his sense of humor is also evident. Back in 2008 during the Step Brothers press cycle, John shared that he'd be glad if his kids stuck around the house as adults: "Maybe there will come a time when I'll get tired of them, but I really depend on my kids for company," he told People. "I love every minute of being with them."

As expected, it appears Leo has a healthy sense of humor, too. His Instagram photos are often surreally Photoshopped, and the "BOYFREN" music video is comically quirky. Genetics, man! Crazy stuff!

www.youtube.com

FILM & TV

BOX OFFICE BREAKDOWN | Romance and Reality Hit Hard

SEPTEMBER 21ST-23RD | What's Coming to Theaters this Weekend?

Pack your tissues for a weeping weekend at the movies

In Popdust's column, Box Office Breakdown, we aim to inform you of the top flicks to check out every weekend depending on what you're in the mood to enjoy. Looking to laugh? What about having your pants scared off? Maybe you just need a little love? Whatever the case may be, we have you covered. Take a peek at our top picks for this week…

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Gunpowder and Sky

The Little Hours (Gunpowder & Sky)

Dir. Jeff Baena

Starring: Alison Brie, Dave Franco, Aubrey Plaza, Kate Micucci, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Fred Armisen, Jemima Kirke and Nick Offerman

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