I’ll admit it here: I didn’t read Dune. But I’ll also swear on my life that I’ve had Frank Herbert’s massive odyssey of a novel on my TBR long before the new adaptation, Dune: Part One(let alone Dune: Part Two), was set in motion by Denis Villeneuve. I'm not new to this, but I'm also not true to this.

It’s my father’s favorite book, so I grew up half-grateful, half-scornful he didn’t name me Chani. Now that Zendaya is playing that role, I’m still ambivalent about the choice.

Which is to say, all these long years, I still haven’t even turned to the first page. Therefore, I don’t know how it ends — specifically if Prince Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) gets the girl in the end. I guess I’ll find out on March 1st, Dune: Part Two’s long-awaited release date (shoutout to the SAG strike). But until then, I have even hotter Dune tea to contemplate: Did Timothee dump Kylie Jenner?