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New Professor Oak Has Major Boomer Energy in Pokemon Home

Professor Oak has evolved into Grand Oak, and it's not pretty.

The Pokemon Company

Pokemon's cloud-based storage system, Pokemon Home, has finally been released for Nintendo Switch and mobile devices, and there's a major surprise in store for longtime fans: Professor Oak is back.

Everyone's favorite Pokemon professor, the man who gave many of us our very first Bulbasaur, Squirtle, or Charmander in Pokemon Red & Blue, has returned to assist us in bringing our old friends into the modern era. Except Professor Oak has changed. Oh boy, has he changed.

Professor OakThe Pokemon Company

In a horrific twist of fate, the Professor Oak we once knew, the Professor Oak who elegantly sported a white lab coat and said quippy phrases like, "The early bird gets the worm, or in this case, the Pokemon!" is gone. Or rather, he's evolved.

Grand OakThe Pokemon Company

Now calling himself "Grand Oak" and sporting an overgrown gray mane of hair, a popped collar, and green arrow rave glasses, the world's foremost Pokemon professor has hit a late mid-life crisis.

Currently, Grand Oak seems much more likely to brag to trainers about his Jimmy Buffet cover band than to actually provide any helpful insight into the world of Pokemon. By this point, Grand Oak has undoubtedly purchased a motorcycle and most likely bought into some racist conspiracy theories about "the kind of people who join Team Rocket." He also got very mad when his grandson, Gary Oak, asked him to remove those stupid glasses––like seriously dude, you're in your 70s, what are you thinking?––and has firmly decided that Gary's entitlement validates his vote for Giovanni.

As time moves on, the Pokemon franchise does, too. You either die a respected Pokemon professor, or you live to become whoever the hell Grand Oak is.

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A Meowth Solo Run of Pokemon Sword and Shield: How Meowth Became My Favorite Pokemon

Meowth is best cat.

Screenshot from FULL MEOWTH EVOLUTION TEAM! ( ALL FORMS ) / PIMPNITEPIMPNITE / YouTube.com

Going into Pokemon Sword and Shield, I was unimpressed with the new starter Pokemon.

I normally gravitate towards fire-type starters, but Cinderace was a little too humanoid-rabbit-wearing-pants for my tastes. Inteleon was just "lol no." Rillaboom hit the closest to my usual favorite powerhouse aesthetic (think Charizard, Blaziken, and Incineroar), but something about him didn't quite feel right (or maybe I just don't connect with grass types?).

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#GameFreakLied: All of Game Freak's Lies About Pokemon Sword and Shield

Why #GameFreakLied is trending worldwide

Nintendo/ The Pokemon Company

With the launch of Pokemon Sword and Shield only a day away, Pokemon fans are absolutely fuming.

According to them, the long-standing Pokemon development company, Game Freak, lied to them about all sorts of things, and they've taken to Twitter to air out their grievances under #GameFreakLied. But what did Game Freak lie about specifically? Let's find out.

1. Dexit was a result of all new in-game models

GrookeyNintendo/ The Pokemon Company

In every other mainline Pokemon game, throughout the entire history of the franchise, all previous Pokemon could be obtained in the newest entry. But, in a move that fans have dubbed "Dexit" (a play on Pokedex and Brexit), Sword and Shield will be lacking over 400 different Pokemon species including favorites like Blastoise, Mewtwo, and Garchomp.

While Game Freak asserted that this was, in part, a practical decision due to the necessity of creating new, updated in-game models of every Pokemon for the Nintendo Switch, fans aren't buying it. Dataminers have synced up newer models with older models from Sun and Moon, seemingly showing that some models were, in fact, reused.

2. Playing Pokemon will make you popular

Pokemon GoNintendo/ The Pokemon Company

Game Freak has always suggested that playing Pokemon games will help you to become popular. That's why they put such an emphasis on trading and battle, to encourage social interaction, right? Maybe it's time we put this Game Freak lie to rest, too.

Talking about Pokemon games does not necessarily make you friends, and setting all my online dating profile pictures to me holding a giant Pikachu plush does not seem to be upping my game. This is just a blatant marketing tactic by Game Freak to convince lonely, socially anxious people (like myself) to buy yet another product that will increase their social clout.

3. Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide

Epstein and TrumpPORTRAIT OF AMERICAN FINANCIER JEFFREY EPSTEIN (LEFT) AND REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER DONALD TRUMP AS THEY POSE TOGETHER AT THE MAR-A-LAGO ESTATE, PALM BEACH, FLORIDA, 1997. CREDIT: DAVIDOFF STUDIOS/GETTY IMAGES

Game Freak keeps pushing the narrative that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide, but that's not what the autopsy says.

Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. Regardless of what Game Freak says, don't believe for a single second that the cameras outside the guarded prison cell of a billionaire pedophile with ties to some of the richest, most powerful people in the word, who is also on suicide watch, would just randomly "malfunction" and that, during that small period of time, said pedophile would be able to hang himself. No way, Jose. Jeffrey Epstein was murdered. Jeffrey Epstein's death was an inside job. #GameFreakLied
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Gigantamax Pikachu Is CHONK AF

Our son THICC.

Ever since the National Dex got scrapped for Pokemon Sword and Shield, excitement has been dwindling for the newest games in the long-running franchise. But that's about to change.

See, Nintendo just revealed a few new Gigantamax Pokemon forms, a new game mechanic whereby Pokemon turn huge for giant battles. One of those new Gigantamax Pokemon happens to Pikachu, and oh damn, he's fat.

Fat Pikachu has Twitter HYPED. A big reason for that is the fact that Fat Pikachu's design seems directly based on the original art from Pokemon Red and Blue, back when Pikachu was a juicy lad.

So now, pretty much everyone is freaking out over Fat Pikachu.

Look at this Fat Pikachu plush. Now we can basically PLAY AS HIM.

Here's another chunky Pika. Wow. So chunk.

Fat Pikachu is so fat that he literally warps time-space.

Some people are even weighing Fat Pikachu against the missing National Dex, and frankly, Fat Pikachu might be so fat that he actually tips the scales.

I'd honestly play Big Chungus Pikachu on PS4.

Dude. He is so fat. SO FAT. Don't you just want to touch his belly?

This one person literally drew Fat Pikachu art a few months back, and now all of her dreams are coming true.

Fat Pikachu is love. Fat Pikachu is life.

#FatPikachu

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New Legendary Pokémon (and Everything Else) Revealed So Far in Pokémon Sword and Shield

Your one-stop breakdown of every new Pokémon and game mechanic in Pokémon Sword and Shield

Pokemon

Photo by Thimo Pedersen on Unsplash

This morning, Nintendo Direct gave us a slew of new information on Pokémon Sword and Shield, including the free-roam Wild Area, the Dynamax mechanic, and two new Legendary Pokémon.

You can watch the full Nintendo Direct here, but if you're short on time, here's a rundown of everything new to the Galar region:

New Pokémon

Grookey, Scorbunny, and Sobble

Sword and Shield's Starter Pokémon were revealed long before this Nintendo Direct, but we got to see them playing around, and they look especially cute animated on Nintendo Switch.

Wooloo

Pokémon designs have become more derivative with each generation, but it's hard to fault them too much now that there are over 800 species. To be clear, Wooloo is a sheep Pokémon that's not Mareep, because Mareep is Electric type and Wooloo is just a sheep.

Gossifleur

This thing is just a stupid flower.

Eldegoss

Gossifleur evolves into Eldegoss, and they're cotton now? Do flowers turn into cotton? Also, they just did Whimsicott in Generation VI, so whatever, I guess we have multiple cotton Pokémon.

Corviknight

Corviknight looks pretty cool, and it seems like we'll be seeing a good deal of them since it works as Galar region's taxi system. Also, surprisingly, this is the first raven Pokémon.

Drednaw

This is just a Digimon.

Zacian

Okay, Zacian is insanely cool. It's basically Sif from Dark Souls but Pokémon-ized. They're also definitely the cooler of the two new Legendary Pokémon.

Zamazenta

The other new Legendary Pokémon, Zamazenta, is like a less cool version of Zacian, because Zacian has a sword and Zamazenta just has a weird body.

New Characters

Champion Leon

Leon may be the Champion of the Galar Pokémon League, but he also thinks that wearing a cape over a sports jersey makes him look cool. Very weird dude; steer clear.

Rival Hop

Hop is a chump, and he'll never be a worthy rival. He's also Leon's little brother, so we can all look forward to destroying his whole family.

Professor Magnolia

Women. In. STEM. Move aside, Professor Oak, the future is female!

Assistant Sonia

More. Women. In. STEM. Who says fashion and lab work can't go together?

Gym Leader Milo

The first new Gym Leader, Milo, is an absolute unit. Look at the sheer size of this lad. Too bad he uses Eldegoss, the lame cotton Pokémon. But dang, this boi hits the rack.

Dynamax

Dynamax is a new battle mechanic in Pokémon Sword and Shield that you can use once per battle in order to make your Pokémon gigantic for three turns. Their attacks obviously become super-powered, too.

The Wild Area

The Wild Area is the new open space between towns and cities where Pokémon can roam free. Unlike previous mainline Pokémon games, Pokémon can be seen on the map. Events change based on date, time, and weather, and the environment holds many interactive secrets to uncover through exploration.

Max Raid Battles

Pokémon Sword and Shield's newest multiplayer feature, Max Raid Battles, allow you and three other players to join forces in the Wild Area to fight and catch special, ultra-powered Dynamax Pokémon.

Pre-order Promotions

Amazon

Amazon is currently offering Prime members a $10 promotional credit when buying the game.

Pokémon Sword

Pokémon Shield

Best Buy

Best Buy is offering a $10 promotional credit, too, and also has a special dual-pack available which includes both Sword and Shield.

Pokémon Sword

Pokémon Shield

Pokémon Sword and Shield Double Pack

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