FILM

Even Keanu Reeves Can't Save "The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run" from Weird CGI

Keanu Reeves in a tumbleweed will still earn my ticket money, though.

Paramount Pictures

The trailer just dropped for the newest SpongeBob Movie, Sponge on the Run, and oh boy, it's a hella mixed bag.

Now I'll be totally upfront here, I almost always prefer 2D animation to 3D CGI. This holds doubly true for series like SpongeBob that started out as 2D, which makes changing everything to 3D for a big budget movie feel especially odd. 3D SpongeBob looked awful in the last SpongeBob movie, Sponge Out of Water, and while Sponge on the Run does a much better job fusing CGI with the cartoonish 2D vibe of the original series, I don't think I'm ever going to like CGI SpongeBob. But you can decide for yourself:

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run (2020) - Official Trailer - Paramount Pictureswww.youtube.com

Weird CGI aside, there's a lot to be excited for here. For one, a sage tumbleweed with Keanu Reeve's face in the middle of it is now official SpongeBob canon. That's nothing short of amazing, and no, I will never, ever, ever get tired of seeing Keanu Reeves in everything.

Another huge plus: Sponge on the Run, which centers around SpongeBob's quest to rescue his beloved pet, Gary, after an alleged snailnapping, features the entire original voice cast. Normally this would go without saying, but considering all the disappointment surrounding Shaggy's voice in the new Scooby-Doo movie, keeping the original voice actors for the blockbuster version apparently needs to be lauded now.

And I guess if I'm being totally honest here, weird CGI SpongeBob isn't the worst official interpretation I've ever seen of the nasally sponge. That pedestal will always be reserved for Broadway SpongeBob, who was just an annoying man in suspenders.

SpongeBob BroadwayNickelodeon

And oh God, look what they did to Mr. Krabs.

Mr Krabs BroadwayNickelodeon

So I guess if I want more SpongeBob (of course I do) and I need to choose between loosely dressed up humans or kind of off-putting CGI but also Keanu Reeves, I'll go with the latter.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run comes to theaters May 22, 2020.

CULTURE

The Hollywood Bad Boy Is Dead: Long Live Keanu Reeves

How Keanu Reeves became the most desirable man of the #MeToo era

Keanu Reeves

Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock

From Brad Pitt to Chris Brown, archetypal bad boys have dominated Hollywood's "Most Desirable Men" landscape since forever.

The bad boys of Hollywood exude raw sex appeal both onscreen and off, their personal lives as messy and dramatic as their biggest blockbusters. Their sweaty six-packs on glossy magazine covers erase any temporary fallout from scandals, affairs, or abuse. Sure, they may not be nice, but that doesn't mean they're not nice to look at.

Or at least, that's how things used to be. Nowadays, Hollywood seems more defined by rampant #MeToo scandals than anything else. For the first time, maybe ever, the bad deeds of the rich and famous actually seem to stick to their reputations––at least sometimes. Alongside the increased visibility of sexual assault and toxic masculinity, many formerly beloved stars now come with asterisks next to their names: *rapist, *pedophile, *woman beater, *accused. In the history of celebrity culture, never before has it been so clear that we don't actually know our idols––not Johnny Depp, not Morgan Freeman, not Aziz Ansari. Are all Hollywood heartthrobs potential scumbags?

Enter: Keanu Reeves. Recently, Keanu Reeves has been having a major cultural explosion. It's not that he wasn't big before––in his 30 year career, he's played iconic characters as varied as metalhead stoner Ted in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and office drone-turned-cyber warrior Neo in The Matrix. But only now, at 54 years old, is Keanu Reeves regarded as the ultimate heartthrob.

Unlike the many heartthrobs of Hollywood's past, and in spite of his badass action hero roles (like John Wick), Keanu Reeves isn't a bad boy. He doesn't party like a rock star. He doesn't move from girlfriend to girlfriend or marriage to marriage. He doesn't get into feuds. He's just a really, really, really nice guy. Unlike many other celebrities, whose media attention revolves around tabloid drama, Keanu Reeves' stories tend to revolve around being nice to strangers and actively not touching women in pictures. In many ways, Keanu Reeves is like the adult version of a teen heartthrob.

Since Disney's primary audience is young girls, their marketing of young teen idols can't rely on obvious sex appeal. A large chunk of their target demographic doesn't even actively understand what sex is. But that doesn't mean they're not interested in boys, so instead, Disney sells a boyfriend experience. Disney boys are kind, attainable, and most of all, safe. Boys like the Jonas Brothers circa the mid 2000s, purity rings and all, are the kind that young girls want to ask out to dances and share secrets with.

As girls get older, their love interests do too. Nice, wholesome boys give way to angsty, troubled teens who break all the rules and just want to get out of this suburban town, man. Those bad boys don't need to be nice; they need to be sexy. And unlike the fresh-faced young lads of Tiger Beat, the bad boys never go out of style. In fact, more often than not, the good boy teen idols transform their image into bad boys in order to stay relevant.

But that's what makes the Keanu Reeves effect so special. After years and years in the spotlight, no matter what else is going on culturally, Keanu Reeves remains consistently nice. No matter what roles he takes, his public image seems authentically kind. And in the age of #MeToo, when celebrities are being outed left and right as creeps and predators, Keanu Reeves' sincere goodness is in short supply.

That's not to say every bad boy is necessarily a bad guy, but even at their best, the bad boy archetype comes dangerously close to toxic masculinity. Bad boys tend to be defined through their negative traits like anger and angst and their misdeeds like cheating and punching jukeboxes. Their appeal lies largely in the desire to change them or the knowledge that even though they shun the rest of society, they're loyal to the proverbial you and only you. Culturally, we're finally moving away from glorifying that breed of masculine rage. We've come to understand that a lot of the time, angry guys aren't just misunderstood, they're dangerous. Bad boys may be hot, but no level of hotness is worth mistreatment, predation, or abuse.

Now, wholesomeness is more in demand. Why would anyone want a guy who's only nice to them when they could have a guy who's nice to everyone? As society shifts and grows, and more young girls come into their own as powerful women, notions of masculinity change too. Men shouldn't strive to be complex puzzles of darkness and rage. Men don't need to define themselves through pent-up violence. Men don't need someone to "understand" them and "fix" them; they need to take responsibility for themselves. Men can be kind and decent and friendly and still be just as masculine and attractive as even the baddest bad boys. Just look at Keanu Reeves.