Really really don't do any of this, or anything else the president tells you to do
President Donald Trump made a medical breakthrough on Thursday, during his daily press briefing on the coronavirus pandemic.
Using his tried and true method of blurting out the first dumb idea that popped into his head, he stumbled upon the most dramatic advancement in health science since Jonas Salk invented the polio vaccine. No doubt he was searching for new options after a study from the VA seemed to show that hydroxychloroquine—previously his favorite miracle cure—provided little to no benefit to COVID-19 patients. And he found those options in the course of the seemingly aimless rambling that is currently being broadcast on every major network and cable news channel on a daily basis.
Want to stay young forever? Wrap your head in plastic<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzE2MzE2Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzY2NTcyN30.eaGkhSgf-IRHQRt4pJ5PvcQLPgsEkj7sJSnmdd4kF_0/img.jpg?width=980" id="311cc" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="765de1285fc41a2e627034053b9ccf88" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="Head in plastic bag" /><p>What do you do if you want to prevent your food from going bad? Bust out the plastic wrap. So why don't we take the same approach to the aging process? Just like fruit and vegetables, our skin gets wrinkly and limp as we age, so logic dictates that the same method should work for preserving your looks. If you wrap your entire head in a layer of plastic wrap, and crank the AC until your home is one giant refrigerator, your loved ones will never have to see you grow old.</p>
Cold feet? Pop them in the oven<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzE2MzIxMS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzczNzA1Mn0.AzkkAgtmAE91dkkjSPTIOenWGnehhzUTVaOpdOMkAAw/img.jpg?width=980" id="78c79" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5aebb08d52f1c1568d9d605d5544f161" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="oven feet" /><p>Sometimes, when your feet are really cold, even a thick pair of socks won't cut it. but you already know how to warm things up--you do it to your food all the time. So just turn on your oven, prop it open, and stick your feet inside. The great part is, it works for any part of your body that gets cold--just remember to bring a pillow if you're warming up your head.</p>
Need some help studying? Snort SD cards<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzE2MzI1MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTI3NjEwNn0.xVnWjwcLcqyo7UaiEPokPWwQ58VG4_irF1nRGQWcHZg/img.jpg?width=980" id="970e5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="dafea9af3f8d989480f591687faecf3e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="snort sd cards" /><p>It's said that the nasal passages provide a direct line to your brain—which is why degenerates and lowlifes snort drugs up there to make themselves dumber. But not you. You're smart, and you want to be even smarter. Well, what could be smarter than a computer? So the next time you're struggling to remember some important details, just grind up some computer chips or a handful of SD and snort up that memory-powder for some extra smartness.</p>
Tired of cleaning the toilet? Drink some bowl cleaner<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzE2MzI2OS9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNDUxMDA4M30.6OA6BjADOVA-sMrIVUdneD64mJHFZUMn1eQY5BwIFrU/img.png?width=980" id="93295" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e2f1a7b2558588bfe51b1aaf4a5e93a0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>This one is a real stroke of genius. No one likes to deal with a nasty toilet bowl full of weird pink stains and awful smells, but we don't all have Rockefeller-money to be spending on those little bowl inserts. Instead, just add a few ounces of normal toilet bowl cleaner to your morning coffee, and the next time you pee, it'll clean the toilet for you!</p><p>Just remember, once you've tried all these great ideas (please don't...), thank President Trump for the inspiration.</p>
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MOBIfest, a wellness festival by and for Black gay men and queer communities of color, will stream on June 4th.
For the past few years, MOBIfest has provided a free celebration of wellness and pride for queer communities of color.
Every year, MOBI (Mobilizing Our Brothers Institute) offers a circuit of community care and artistic expression through a variety of initiatives, culminating in an annual Pride festival. This year's MOBIfest will happen virtually, but its spirit and mission promises to be as strong and important as ever.
As its dance goes viral and we're stuck in our homes, "Savage" will remind us of this dark time years from now.
Earlier this month, Megan Thee Stallion released her most vulnerable project yet, Suga.
The Houston rapper quickly rose to massive Internet virality last year with her declaration of "Hot Girl Summer," a manifesto she's illustrated in countless tweets, candid videos, and of course a synonymous song (which became a Top 10 hit). Her popularity has set the hip-hop world ablaze, and she isn't burning out anytime soon.
"Savage," a characteristically cutthroat banger from Suga, is just the latest cut from Megan's growing discography to flourish on social media. On March 10, TikToker Keara Wilson first posted a clip of the dance she choreographed to "Savage." Since the original, Wilson has uploaded multiple TikToks of the dance, accruing hundreds of thousands of likes. She also posted a nifty tutorial for maximum trend potential.
Keara wilson on TikTok
Keara wilson on TikTok www.tiktok.com
NEW DANCE ALERT! 🚨 if u use my dance tag me so i can see🤗 @theestallion #writethelyrics #PlayWithLife #foyou #fyp #foryoupage #newdance #savage
As with all the best viral dances, Wilson's routine spread like wildfire, spawning recreations from TikTok royalty like Addison Rae and Charli D'Amelio, as well as from other Gen-Z favorites like Emma Chamberlain, James Charles, and Liza Koshy.
addison rae on TikTok
addison rae on TikTok www.tiktok.com
@sherinicolee OK MAMA
charli d'amelio on TikTok
charli d'amelio on TikTok www.tiktok.com
Soon enough, of course, the dance caught the attention of Thee Stallion herself, who shared her rendition of it from the comfort of home in a onesie. The caption reads "#quarantineandchill." As we're all cooped up in our houses, (hopefully) working remotely and (hopefully) practicing social distancing, the "Savage" dance has henceforth dubbed the foreseeable future as Hot Girl Quarantine. Years from now, when we're all finally allowed back into the bars and parties have resumed, "Savage" will begin playing in the distance. We'll look at our friends longingly and say, "Remember when we survived a pandemic?"
We all have songs that we associate with a certain event or period in time. Ex-Tumblr kids will remember the black-and-white clad aesthetic circa 2013 that became inextricable from songs like the 1975's "Chocolate" and the Neighbourhood's "Sweater Weather." Green Day's "Time of Your Life" is to high school graduations what Medicare for All is to Bernie Sanders' platform.
Now, the Very Online generation will forever associate "Savage" with the coronavirus. With so much free time on our hands, Internet scrolling is the new 9-to-5. With gyms on lockdown, dancing in our bedrooms seems like the most natural way to get endorphins. I, a grown adult, begrudgingly made my own painfully unsexy TikTok to "Savage," and would recommend you do the same to distract yourself from...everything else.
Though we won't be hearing it in clubs or at get-togethers with friends, "Savage" is still bound to become even more popular and inescapable as our time indoors trickles on. It's sassy, it's moody, it's nasty—in a weird way, it's just like a global pandemic.
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