FILM

Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of May 24

Watch Will Smith degrade himself with blue body paint in Disney's "Aladdin."

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

This week, Will Smith degrades himself with blue body paint for our amusement.

WIDE RELEASE:

Booksmart

BOOKSMART Trailer (2019) Lisa Kudrow, Olivia Wild, Teen Movie www.youtube.com

Directed by Olivia Wilde and produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, Booksmart looks like a Gen-Z version of Superbad. The movie follows two high school seniors, Amy and Molly, who decide that the eve of their graduation is the perfect time to make up for "wasting" their teenage years on studying and achieving good grades. Early reviews are overwhelmingly positive, and the movie looks raunchy, edgy, and representative. Booksmart is easily my pick of the week.

Aladdin

Disney's Aladdin Official Trailer - In Theaters May 24! www.youtube.com

Disney's latest live-action adaptation is here, and like all the live-action adaptations before it, Aladdin looks...okay, I guess. Honestly, it's hard for me to understand the appeal of all these live-action Disney adaptations. They're technically fine, but considering the fact that animation brought so much of the inherent charm and magic to the originals, these remakes seem doomed to always come up short. Take Genie, for example. Animated goofball Genie is fun and awesome. Partially-CGI-blue-body-paint-Will-Smith Genie is just unsettling.

Brightburn

BRIGHTBURN - Official Trailer #2 www.youtube.com

What if Superman...was evil? That's pretty much the premise behind Brightburn, a superhero horror movie produced by James Gunn and written by his brother and his cousin. I love the idea of a horror movie that subverts superhero archetypes, but at the same time, the trailer looks surprisingly dull considering the subject matter. Ultimately, this might be more of a generic spooky boy flick than anything truly groundbreaking.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Diamantino

Diamantino – Official Trailer www.youtube.com

A Portuguese-language, genre-bending political comedy that made waves at Cannes 2019 (ultimately taking home the Grand Prize during International Critics' Week), Diamantino looks absolutely absurd. The plot follows a disgraced soccer star who sets out on a journey to find a new purpose for his life. The movie seems to involve incredibly bizarre imagery, including futuristic technology, galactic landscapes, and puppy fever dreams. If you appreciate bizarre cinema and can find Diamantino playing near you, I'd highly recommend checking it out.

Isabelle

Isabelle | Official Trailer (HD) | Vertical Entertainment www.youtube.com

If you ever watched The OC and wondered what Adam Brody is doing now, here's your answer. Isabelle is one of those horror movies that seems designed solely to pad Netflix's Halloween offerings. We've seen the premise a bajillion times––a couple gets haunted by some generic ghost girl––and outside of Ringu, I don't think it's ever been done well. I don't know what audience this movie is geared towards, but if it happens to be you, just go watch Ringu again instead.

Culture Feature

​​This Haunts Me: The Shredded Cheese Wife Guy

One Texas couple became a meme after they went 18 minutes without shredded cheese on their fajitas. What could be worse?

Courtesy of Junkee

Karens. Even if you don't know them by name, you know who they are.

Karens have been asking to speak to managers all over American suburbia ever since Kate Gosselin debuted her infamous reverse-mullet on Jon and Kate Plus 8 in 2007. "Karens"—the collective nickname for middle-aged entitled white women who love nothing more than being pains in your ass—have been walking among us for quite some time, but as shelter-in-place orders and mask mandates have taken over the world, the presence of Karens has become even more apparent.

Last weekend, a Karen went viral in a since-deleted Tweet for a reason only Karens would empathize with. Jason Vicknair, a 40-year-old man from Allen, Texas, was just trying to enjoy his first date night out in three months with his wife at a Tex-Mex restaurant called Mi Cocina. Things took a turn for the worse.

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FILM

Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of May 3rd

Honestly just don't see UglyDolls.

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

This weekend we have an UglyDoll musical for some ungodly reason and spinning umbrella blades.

WIDE RELEASE:

Long Shot

Long Shot (2019 Movie) Official Trailer – Seth Rogen, Charlize Theron www.youtube.com

Charlize Theron is the US Secretary of State in the midst of a presidential campaign. Seth Rogan is a schlubby, unemployed journalist who she babysat when they were kids. A chance encounter leads to her impulsively hiring him as a speechwriter, kicking off a totally improbable romance amplified by the globetrotting lifestyle of her career. This is the first major rom-com to hit theaters in a long time. With a major emphasis on comedy and two solid lead actors, Long Shot seems like an especially fun watch, especially if you miss the era where every weekend brought a new rom-com to the big screen.

The Intruder

THE INTRUDER - Official Trailer (HD) www.youtube.com

In this weekend's dose of obligatory horror, a young couple moves into their dream home out in the country, only to discover that the previous owner (Dennis Quaid) keeps coming back. The premise is actually pretty scary, considering that this is a real thing that happens. When I was a kid, the last guy who owned our house just showed up in the backyard one day to look at the flowers outside. He looked a lot frailer than Dennis Quaid, but it was still creepy.

UglyDolls

UglyDolls Trailer #2 (2019) | Movieclips Trailers www.youtube.com

Remember those UglyDoll plushies from the 2000s? Well, they have their own movie now, and for some absolutely bonkers reason, it's a musical. Now you can watch Blake Shelton sing about body acceptance through the guise of a one-eyed green blob monster. Gabriel Iglesias is also billed, so you know the comedy is going to be terrible. I'm unreasonably confident that this movie is going to be an absolute dumpster fire. Just kidding. It's totally reasonable. Pitbull voices one of them too and he's never been attached to anything positive in his entire life.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix www.youtube.com

From the same director behind Netflix's Ted Bundy Tapes, this portrayal stars Zac Efron as the prolific serial killer. Told from the perspective of his long-term girlfriend, Liz Kendall (Lily Collins), Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile focuses more on Bundy's psychology and strategies of manipulation than his actual murders. There's always a glut of content out there for true crime enthusiasts, but it's not every day you see Zac Efron involved.

Shadow

Shadow Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips Indie www.youtube.com

Yimou Zhang ( House of Flying Daggers) is one of the best martial arts film directors in history. His movies combine incredible action with stunning cinematography, resulting in pure visual spectacles. This time, he's employed spinning blade umbrellas––a whole platoon of them. I'm not one to judge people based on their opinions, but if that doesn't excite you then you're wrong and I don't like you on a personal level.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com


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