CULTURE

You Can't Change My Mind: Astrology Is Worse Than Nonsense

People invest their money and their lives in a system that's based on nothing

If, within ten minutes of us meeting, you were to tell me your star sign, your rising sign, and your time of birth, I would already know so much about you.

I would know that you believe in astrology.

What astrology promises is almost irresistible. With one fact about you—run through a system of intricate calculations to pinpoint your place in the universe—you can uncover wisdom about your love life, your career, your emotions, your future. It's both a personality test and a fortune in one. It's the best way to discover who you truly are and to help you navigate your life. With the amount of anxiety and uncertainty that rules our lives, having a system in place that you can rely on for answers and support is huge. For even the few among us who have actual friends we can talk to in times of crisis, serious and unequivocal advice is hard to come by. Horoscopes, though? Horoscopes are everywhere.

Mercury in retrograde

And actually, there are some real differences that arise based on the time of year you were born. A variety of factors, including Vitamin D levels in early development, the mother's activity during gestation, and your age relative to your classmates' can influence everything from temperament to athleticism to developmental disorders. No doubt people have been observing these differences for as long as societies have existed, and they've attempted to codify them into different systems of understanding. Likewise, since time began people have been obsessed with tracking the movement of heavenly bodies and their relationship to seasonal changes. The mash-up of the two was inevitable, but there is no possible cause and effect there. Your fate is not connected to the passage of the sun between the earth and a random assemblage of constellations.

That said, you really can't blame people who get sucked in. The power of wishful thinking makes a strong cocktail in combination with coincidence, genuine observation, and so-called Foer Barnum statements like, "You often have great ideas that you just never have the motivation to follow through on." These are the sort of assertions that astrologers can safely make, because they are designed to seem more personal than they actually are. They tap into a common tendency expressed in another Barnum statement: "You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others." We all hold back to a certain extent. No one likes to be fully open and emotionally vulnerable in their day-to-day lives. When these hidden commonalities are tied to a mystical identity, it can feel like our place in the universe has meaning—like we are seen and known by forces that extend beyond us and connect us to the mysteries of existence. Cool.

Universe connection

If that was all that astrology was—that comforting sense of a vague spiritual connection—I would have no problem with it. But Astrology did not become a $2 billion industry with that kind of innocent, half-believed fun. Popular apps like Co–Star and the Pattern seem relatively harmless in and of themselves, but far too many Astrologers prey on people who rely on the accuracy and wisdom of their "insights." If you pay to get a detailed chart for fun, and your astrologer does not offer a disclaimer that the information is imprecise and open to broad interpretation, then you are supporting a career scam artist who is recklessly disseminating advice that will be taken as gospel, and—even more than actual gospel—is based on virtually nothing.

Think about when you give advice to a close friend in a time of crisis. Occasionally there will be an iron-clad course of action that you can offer without reservation—ask for a raise, drink more water, leave the abusive partner—but more often than not, life's big problems require nuance and careful weighing of imperfect answers. It may be comforting to get an infallible directive from the universe, but it erases the uncertainty that really ought to be there—uncertainty that can be stressful, but is nonetheless a natural and healthy part of life.

And because of the casual users who prop up the industry, there are thousands of gullible people who feel comfortable to take it all too seriously—whose lives are under the sway of Bronze Age interpretation of stars and planets that predates even the basic knowledge of the scale of the night sky, or even what those celestial objects are. If this seems overblown, keep in mind that it wasn't too long ago that the President of the United States was basing high-level planning on the advice of a celebrity astrologist. Is that worse than leaving national security in the hands of a narcissistic Twitter addict? Probably not, but it's definitely not great. Under the guise of wisdom and comfort, this kind of advice adds a layer of chaos into an already chaotic, messy, and frightening world.

Ronald Reagan

To bring the point home, it's worth laying out the underlying theory of how Astrological systems supposedly control the course of our lives. Leaving aside the fact that there is no evidence for the effects that the movement of the heavens supposedly have on earthly events, how is the whole system supposed to work? According to Astrology, each year on a given date, the sun will be in the same place in the sky (it's not). As a result, a baby born on that day will be affected by the energies of the constellations and planets visibly near the sun's position…for reasons. Those energies, somehow linked to the four elements, will leave an indelible impression on that baby that will shape its personality for the rest of its life and determine the effect of future heavenly movements.

The major problem, apart from the questionable nature of those energies (some point to gravitation or electromagnetism, which begs the question of how a passing truck or a nearby lightbulb might also alter the baby's fate), is that the stars that make up constellations have literally nothing to do with each other. The idea that they are connected makes as much sense as the idea that your friend was really holding up the tower of Pisa in that picture. It's an optical illusion.

www.youtube.com

With some rare exceptions, they are actually many light-years distant from one another—in front or behind—with nothing to link them in an actual formation or to connect them with one element or another. If we could see those same stars from any other solar system, their apparent proximity would disappear. So why would they give off any unified energy? Their shapes only exist from our limited visual perspective and with the additional framework of ancient myths. To accept astrology is to deny the real composition of the universe. Worse yet, the sun isn't even where traditional, outdated charts say it's supposed to be. Stars move over time, as does the Earth's path around the sun, and the charts are centuries old. This led to the 2017 controversy of an updated astrological calendar that was roundly rejected by people who passionately identify with the sign they've invested years in.

scorpios

If you can read all that and still believe that the fact that I was born on November 7th is a determining factor in my writing this article, you may be beyond help. I just hope that you don't throw your money away on it. Also… that's not my real birthday. Try to guess it based on my personality.

CULTURE

Pokemon Sword and Shield Sales Prove "Hardcore" Video Game Fans Don't Matter

"Hardcore" Pokemon fans are still salty about Sword and Shield. Here's why their opinions are irrelevant.

The Pokemon Company

"Some might say that 1 or 2 million additional players lost is a rather small reduction," wrote Reddit user u/CalculatingCorvid in a post titled "Don't let anyone tell you that not buying SwSh won't make a difference" on the Pokemon subreddit. "Gamefreak will notice any declines, even a minor one, because they are a corporation that wants their products to grow."

CalculatingCorvid wrote their post a few days prior to the launch of Pokemon Sword and Shield, the newest set of mainline games in the Pokemon franchise and easily the most controversial entry in its 23-year history––at least amongst a certain subset of the fandom. In the minds of these self-proclaimed "hardcore fans," Pokemon's primary developer Game Freak slighted them; so in response, they pledged to boycott the new games.

Pokemon Sword and ShieldThe Pokemon Company

For weeks now, the Pokemon subreddit, which has over two million subscribers, has been barraged with a near-constant stream of negativity in regards to Sword and Shield. The controversy largely surrounds "Dexit," the community term for Game Freak's decision to pare the Pokedex down by roughly half. In other words, hundreds of popular Pokemon species, some of which players have been carrying with them from game to game for over two decades, will no longer be transferable to Sword and Shield––a first for a mainline entry in the series.

Hardcore fans have justified their outrage with "evidence," cherry-picking quotes from game director Junichi Masuda to convince themselves of a vast conspiracy wherein Game Freak lied to them about the reasoning behind Dexit. One massive list compiling everything wrong with the new games prior to launch received over 50,000 upvotes on Reddit. Hardcore fans even managed to get #GameFreakLied trending worldwide on Twitter, angrily turning on major community members who didn't back their cause.

Post-release, hardcore fans have proceeded to "review-bomb"Sword and Shield on Metacritic and whine about how critic reviews (which have been largely positive) are "just not fair," alongside their daily rant posts about a game the majority of them, presumably, are not even playing.

All of this is to say that if hardcore fans really are the core Pokemon fanbase, one would expect that the intensity and visibility of their outrage would lead to a decline in sales, if only a slight one. As CalculatingCorvid expressed in their post, 1 or 2 millions lost sales might be relatively small considering Pokemon's mass appeal, but it would certainly be noticeable to Game Freak.

Except CalculatingCorvid made a major miscalculation: They, like many other self-proclaimed "hardcore fans," trapped themselves in a bubble where they believed their sentiments were representative of the wider fandom.

If all 2 million r/Pokemon subscribers really didn't buy the new games, that would probably be a problem for Game Freak. But in reality, the number of hardcore fans who actually boycotted the game is likely much closer to the 50,000 who upvoted the big list of "problems"––and that's if we're being very generous with the assumption that everyone who upvoted really didn't buy the game. And while 1 or 2 million lost sales might be noticeable, 50,000 won't make a dent for such a major franchise.

Sure enough, the sales for Pokemon Sword and Shield have broken plenty of records for the Switch. Not only were Sword and Shield the fastest selling Switch games to-date, moving over 6 million copies in the first week alone (beating out Super Smash Bros. Ultimate), but they also accounted for the "highest-grossing launch of any Pokemon game."

"Hardcore fans" have chalked this up to any number of reasons, including casual players, uninformed consumers, and "dishonest" video game journalists. The truth is that "hardcore fan" isn't actually an accurate descriptor for the people outraged over Pokemon games.

More specifically, the vast majority of Pokemon fans, even the hardcore ones who breed for IVs, Masuda method shiny hunt, and reset every gift Pokemon a billion times for optimal natures (you'll know what all of those things entail if you're a hardcore Pokemon fan), don't have the time or energy to actually be angry about a video game. Well-adjusted people realize that their opinion, even about something they really truly love, is not objectively right or wrong, and they are not entitled to a product turning out the way they personally want it to. At the end of the day, even most hardcore fans play for enjoyment, and as soon as they no longer enjoy a game, they move onto something else that they do enjoy.

GigantamaxThe Pokemon Company

To be clear, it's totally valid to be bummed about Dexit. Nobody wants their favorite Pokemon cut from a game. But there's a difference between being bummed and deciding not to buy the game, and ranting ad nauseum, filling the community with toxicity because you didn't get what you wanted.

In other words, there are the majority of Pokemon fans, both "casual" and "hardcore," who care deeply about the franchise but are also well-adjusted enough to take a decision they may or may not like in stride, and then there are "maladjusted fans" who dedicate unprecedented amounts of energy to yelling online about video games. These are the people who give "gamers" a bad rap, living up to negative stereotypes about video games being enjoyed by angry, toxic people who seem to spend more time complaining about a supposedly fun hobby than actually engaging in it.

The best thing about PokemonSword and Shield selling so well is that it proves that the opinions of these "maladjusted fans" are entirely irrelevant. As it turns out, they really are just a very vocal minority who constitute such a small portion of the fanbase that even with their mass boycott and their insistence upon spreading toxicity on any Pokemon-related post, they couldn't even put a dent in overall sales.

That's not to say that none of their complaints stem from legitimate feelings. Speaking personally, I share some of these feelings myself. But being angry about Pokemon ruins the entire point, which is to have fun. My choice is either to enjoy Sword and Shield as it is, or to play something else instead. It's high-time that more people realize that when a fan community seems filled with outrage and toxicity, it's not necessarily reflective of the whole. Sometimes when maladjusted fans run rampant, it just means that the majority of healthier fans with more important things to care about have simply chosen to disengage from the community.

Nintendo/ The Pokemon Company

With the launch of Pokemon Sword and Shield only a day away, Pokemon fans are absolutely fuming.

According to them, the long-standing Pokemon development company, Game Freak, lied to them about all sorts of things, and they've taken to Twitter to air out their grievances under #GameFreakLied. But what did Game Freak lie about specifically? Let's find out.

1. Dexit was a result of all new in-game models

GrookeyNintendo/ The Pokemon Company

In every other mainline Pokemon game, throughout the entire history of the franchise, all previous Pokemon could be obtained in the newest entry. But, in a move that fans have dubbed "Dexit" (a play on Pokedex and Brexit), Sword and Shield will be lacking over 400 different Pokemon species including favorites like Blastoise, Mewtwo, and Garchomp.

While Game Freak asserted that this was, in part, a practical decision due to the necessity of creating new, updated in-game models of every Pokemon for the Nintendo Switch, fans aren't buying it. Dataminers have synced up newer models with older models from Sun and Moon, seemingly showing that some models were, in fact, reused.

2. Playing Pokemon will make you popular

Pokemon GoNintendo/ The Pokemon Company

Game Freak has always suggested that playing Pokemon games will help you to become popular. That's why they put such an emphasis on trading and battle, to encourage social interaction, right? Maybe it's time we put this Game Freak lie to rest, too.

Talking about Pokemon games does not necessarily make you friends, and setting all my online dating profile pictures to me holding a giant Pikachu plush does not seem to be upping my game. This is just a blatant marketing tactic by Game Freak to convince lonely, socially anxious people (like myself) to buy yet another product that will increase their social clout.

3. Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide

Epstein and TrumpPORTRAIT OF AMERICAN FINANCIER JEFFREY EPSTEIN (LEFT) AND REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER DONALD TRUMP AS THEY POSE TOGETHER AT THE MAR-A-LAGO ESTATE, PALM BEACH, FLORIDA, 1997. CREDIT: DAVIDOFF STUDIOS/GETTY IMAGES

Game Freak keeps pushing the narrative that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide, but that's not what the autopsy says.

Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. Regardless of what Game Freak says, don't believe for a single second that the cameras outside the guarded prison cell of a billionaire pedophile with ties to some of the richest, most powerful people in the word, who is also on suicide watch, would just randomly "malfunction" and that, during that small period of time, said pedophile would be able to hang himself. No way, Jose. Jeffrey Epstein was murdered. Jeffrey Epstein's death was an inside job. #GameFreakLied
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CULTURE

The Pokemon Mimikyu Is a Great Metaphor for Autism

Mimikyu speaks to something deep and existential about the human experience.

While every generation of Pokemon games introduces a new Pikachu-adjacent knock-off, Mimikyu is the first to feel truly original.

Potentially inspired by the Breton myth of the Bugol Noz––a kind woodland fairy whose appearance is so hideous that anyone who sees him dies of fright––Mimikyu is a ghastly looking Pokemon who inadvertently curses anyone who gazes upon its true form. As such, Mimikyu lives a life plagued by loneliness, craving acceptance, love, and friendship more than anything else. So, realizing that Pikachu is an incredibly popular Pokemon adored for its cuteness, Mimikyu creates a crayon-decorated Pikachu guise to hide beneath in hopes of acceptance.

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