Satire

Sylvester Stallone's Dream Home Is for Sale (with One Nightmare-Inducing Feature)

The whole house looks amazing, but the master suite contains nightmares

Considering his career of playing barely-articulate purveyors of violence in Rocky, Rambo, and The Expendables, Sylvestor Stallone's mansion in La Quinta, California is surprisingly classy.

If you don't mind the faux-Italian villa aesthetic, the four-bedroom, five-bath home has a lot to offer. At nearly 5,000 square feet, the house is appointed with vaulted ceilings, multiple terraces, pools, and fireplaces. Located in a private community with its own golf course, the home's spacious rooms open onto lavish outdoor spaces with beautiful views of California's Coachella Valley. And while the $3.35 million asking price is a lot to ask, it's substantially less than Stallone paid for the house in 2010—more than a million dollars less. It's so much less that you may begin to wonder why the house is being offered at such a steep discount.

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FILM

Stop Putting Jared Leto in Movies

Morbius is going to suck.

Sony

There's a big problem with the trailer for Morbius, Sony's upcoming Marvel outing that is definitely not part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe even though it has Michael Keaton reprising his role as Vulture (please let us keep our license, Disney!).

See if you can spot it.

MORBIUS - Teaser Trailer www.youtube.com

If you answered, "Sampling Beethoven's 'Für Elise' to line up with blue-tinted action shots is the absolute lowest effort, brain-dead attempt to signify 'gothic vampire movie' in the entire history of movie trailers," you're correct, but that's still not the biggest problem with Morbius. No, the biggest problem is that Morbius is played by Jared Leto.

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Brian Dennehy, an actor known onscreen for movies like First Blood, Cocoon, and Tommy Boy, died yesterday in New Haven, Connecticut, of cardiac arrest at 81 years old. His family says his death was not related to COVID-19.

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