Don't let your Boomer family get your down
Thanksgiving has always been about food.
We suffer through the boomer small talk and anti-climactic football games for the sake of the meal that awaits us at the end of the day, and even then that "meal" is representative of ethnic cleansing and genocide. But there are a few other pros that lay outside of gorging yourself on mashed potatoes. The holiday always falls on a Thursday, which means you always have a four day weekend. Black Friday is also the following day, so despite whatever infuriating experiences you may have on Thanksgiving with your family, you can at least rest easy knowing you can go out and buy enough stuff to numb the pain.
These reasons alone are enough to warrant celebration. So while you clench your jaw through what is almost guaranteed to be a painfully long afternoon, why not curate some music to help elevate your mood and remind yourself that a four day weekend of relaxation awaits?
Here is the necessary playlist for those who are pumped to get plump.
"Thank U" By Alanis Morrisette
Leave it to Alanis to remind us how greedy we are on the day when we're meant to stuff our faces. "How 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up?" she cries out. The anthem may not be the peppy, optimistic, or what we want to hear on our day of gluttony, but it's what we need to hear.
Check out the rest of the playlist below!
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The "I Think You're Crazy Singer" has come through with another tone deaf take.
Singer-Songwriter CeeLo Green, AKA Thomas Callaway, has one of the best voices in the music industry.
It's why he was chosen as one of the original celebrity coaches on The Voice. He can hit notes that other singers wouldn't dream of and deliver them with some serious power. But too often the way he chooses to use that impressive voice is...not great.
When the Gnarls Barkley singer isn't harkening back to the golden era of soul music with breathy tones and soaring notes, he's harkening back to the fetid era of old school misogyny, with takes that are completely tone deaf.
Gobble Gobble, Motherf*ckers.
There are shockingly few Turkey Movies™.
Seriously. In all of human history, we've made the bare minimum amount of Turkey Movies. No, I'm not talking about Thanksgiving Movies™––if you want a boring list of mashed potato shlock, you can hop on over to any other website. Here on Popdust, I'm talking about movies that literally feature turkey characters in a prominent role. And I'm telling you, after over a decade of grueling research, there are basically only four movies that fit my criteria––which is pretty much just that there is a character who is also a turkey.
Much like a Thanksgiving turkey, I'm sure you're dying to get stuffed with hot Turkey Movie facts:
One might call Free Birds the definitive Turkey Movie, as it stars not one, not two, but three leading fowls. Starring the voices of Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, and Amy Poehler––all as turkeys––Free Birds follows a presidentially "pardoned" turkey who travels back in time to save all of turkeydom from the evil, turkey-hunting colonialists. If, for whatever reason, you want to watch a family-friendly, turkey-centric adventure movie on Thanksgiving, this is pretty much the only one that exists.
ThanksKilling (and also ThanksKilling 3)
Let's say you're spending this Thanksgiving without any kids around, so you decide to watch something a little spooky but also would prefer it to revolve around turkeys. I don't know what poor life decisions have led you down this path, but I'm excited to inform you that there is a movie franchise tailor-made for you. It's called Thankskilling, and it stars a demonic turkey who murders people while saying fun catchphrases like, "Nice t*ts, b*tch!" There is no ThanksKilling 2.
Turkey Hollow is a The Jim Henson Company TV movie that aired on Lifetime and features narration by American rapper Ludacris. If that sounds, well...ludicrous...yeah, it really does. The plot revolves around two kids in a remote town who try to track down a mythical monster called a "Howling Hoodoo" and stumble upon a group of turkey-like creatures. So yes, I'm stretching because they're not actually turkeys, but they look kind of like gross diseased turkeys and the movie is called Turkey Hollow, so sit down and shut up.
A poorly animated turkey named Gobbles invites you to a Thanksgiving party where he sings and dances for you. It is over one hour long. There is no Wikipedia page. Gobble is an abomination. You can watch Turkey Town on Amazon Prime. Good luck.
And that's it. I've gifted you every single Turkey Movie in existence. I'm leaving now.
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