Luke P. Resorts to Gaslighting Through Christianity

In their blowout last night, he fell back on the same pattern: confront, manipulate to gain power (occasionally lying), and then backtrack to save face.

We've all had enough of Luke Parker.


It's a general truth that a majority of the Bachelor Franchise's contestants are Christian.

There have been virgin contestants, a born-again virgin Bachelor, and then a straight-up virgin Bachelor. Yet, over the past two decades, the show has refrained from airing discussions of touchy topics like religion or sex. Participants on the show have disclosed that many deep conversations regarding such matters go unaired.

Then, last season, one contestant, Caelynn Miller-Keyes, disclosed her sexual assault to the Bachelor, Colton Underwood. The heart-stopping moment became a revelatory scene in reality television. Viewers everywhere could hear, relate, and connect to the moving story. Powerful moments like those are more common now that participants are breaking away from the show's traditional boundaries, storylines, and rules. In turn, production has begun to re-shape the show; while the series has become more sex positive, religion has remained a taboo subject—until last night.

Throughout this season, Bachelor Nation has witnessed an emotional abuser remain on their TVs for far too long—even by the standards of reality TV, it's been alarming. Luke P.'s concerning behavior, from aggression to excessive lying, has prompted viewers to question, "What in the hell are we not seeing?" Hannah Brown and Luke P. have had a connection that viewers cannot not wrap their heads around, but it turns out that viewers were missing half the story. While Luke P. has stirred the pot by repeatedly disrespecting Hannah and his fellow contestants, viewers have questioned if an inexplicable spiritual connection has been drawing the two together.

Finally, the other half of the story was unveiled during Fantasy Suite week. After the two made-out during their day touring Santorini, Luke P. began their dinner by gaslighting Hannah:

"I am very confident that we're on the same page with our morals, and I just want to hear it from your mouth. I've heard people proclaim their faith, but yet they've said things like, 'I'm excited for Fantasy Suites. I want to explore this relationship on a sexually intimate level, and that's what I'm looking forward to.' And to me, that's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa excuse me? What? There's something I'm missing here. Like I don't believe that's something you should be doing, and I just want to make sure that you're not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here. Like, I totally have all the trust in the world for you, but at the same time I just want to make sure we're on the same page. Like, if you told me you're going to have sex or you had sex with one or multiple of these guys, I would be wanting to go home 100 percent."

Hannah Sends Luke P Home After Fantasy Suite Warning! | The Bachelorette US

If delivered differently and with more tact, his concerns could've been reasonable. Instead, he began by aligning the other contestants against him and weaponizing his connection with Hannah to make assumptions about how she should act. Then, he backtracked by asserting that he had faith in her and finally threatened their relationship if she didn't live up to his standards. The loaded speech demonstrates his continued pattern of emotional manipulation. When Hannah disagreed with what he said, he continued to backtrack by claiming that he would work with her through anything, even a "slip-up." Similarly, earlier in the season, he informed Hannah that he would stick by her even if she made a "boneheaded mistake."

Time and time again, Luke P. has utilized gaslighting as a way to maintain control in his relationship with Hannah. Whenever he's felt confident in their relationship, he's directly addressed his concerns with Hannah, but when he's felt their relationship was in jeopardy, he's used manipulation tactics to assert what he wants out of the relationship. However, whenever he's "slipped up," the responsibility hasn't fallen on him because he's protested that he was just "misunderstood"—after lying straight to Hannah's face.

Overall, every time Luke P. has been in the wrong, he's asserted his needs, manipulated the truth, and then backtracked whenever Hannah responded poorly. In their blowout last night, he fell back on the same pattern: confront, manipulate to gain power (occasionally lying), and then backtrack to save face.

Whatever good Hannah saw in Luke P. prior to Fantasy Suite week has been washed away. When Luke P. tried to wield religion against Hannah to shame her, she called him out on it. The Bachelorette proved that she had her Biblical receipts, retorting, "You know the story in the Bible when the woman was called out for adultery, and she was stoned in the village, and Jesus said, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. You're holding your stone up at me and asking me what I've done."

Unfortunately, gaslighting in the Christian community isn't anything new. Too many self-righteous believers still condemn, shame, and utilize their beliefs to shame sinners and preach a narrow way of life. Hannah aptly addressed Luke P.'s hypocrisy by informing him, "Sex might be a sin out of marriage, but pride is a sin too." She continued, "It's like you're holding other people to a standard that you don't even live by."

Faith is meant to spread love and light. Like Hannah said, "I know that I have God in my heart, so I know that everything I do and who I am is light. I am light. Do I make mistakes? I'm not Jesus." Her commentary shed light on the stark contrast between more progressive, inclusive Christians who have embraced the modern world and others who stick to their outdated, hypocritical agendas (like those who are pro-life but don't care about keeping children in cages).

For the formerly apolitical show to air their conversation is a sign that the genre of "reality" TV is still expanding its social consciousness; in particular, it displays that the Bachelor Franchise has solid potential (even after 17 years) to spark new conversations and highlight important narratives. Unfortunately, as portrayed in the previews for next week, the producers seem to allow Luke P. to come back, undoubtedly to exasperate Hannah and continue the toxic drama that is Luke P.'s existence.

ABC's production seems to take a positive step forward by airing their candid conversation, but they still kept around an emotional abuser and then brought him back to let him try to manipulate his way back into Hannah's heart. At least Hannah Brown finally gained clarity and found her way out of a controlling relationship (for now). Hopefully, like other leads who have been forced to endure harmful, disruptive, racist, and misogynistic contestants, Hannah can come out on top, with continued love and respect for herself and her relationship with God.


The Jonas Brothers' upcoming "Happiness Begins" tour is a nostalgic flash of early 2000s pop music, Disney Channel's golden age, and trendy purity rings that successfully marketed sex to tweens by constantly reminding them not to have sex.

Nick Jonas recently shared his discomfort at the time, telling The Guardian, "What's discouraging about that chapter of our life is that at 13 or 14 my sex life was being discussed. It was very tough to digest it in real time, trying to understand what it was going to mean to me, and what I wanted my choices to be while having the media speaking about a 13-year-old's sex life. I don't know if it would fly in this day and age. Very strange." Undoubtedly it was strange; for a while in the 2000s we treated the topic of sex like a minefield that would detonate if we spoke of its reality. Thankfully, we seem to have gone from praising Disney Channel stars' manufactured wholesomeness to embracing frank depictions of puberty in all its disgusting glory.

From Big Mouth and Pen15 to Eighth Grade, media's depictions of teens figuring out sex, masturbation, and sexuality have taken full 180 turns from the shame-based silence and push for abstinence that dominated the 90s and 2000s. In reality, "The Rise and Fall of the Pop Star Purity Ring" was the result of a generally conservative political climate and brilliant marketing. Specifically, the sinking record company Walt Disney Records found their saving grace in marketing their stars' virginities as standout additions to the lust-addled pop music scene. The Muse noted, "The real reason puritanical sex ed managed to infiltrate Top 40 radio for a bizarre moment in the aughts had less to do with the actual personal beliefs of its stars and far more to do with the conservative political climate that helped create them."

Indeed, Nick Jonas, now 27 years old, has described his family as "incredibly religious" and recounts "a person in [their] church who at one point demanded that all the kids in the youth group put these purity rings on and make this commitment. So without a full understanding of what we were stepping into, we all made this commitment."

Additionally, while the Jonas brothers, famously lauded and mocked for their purity rings, believed in the token sentiment, no young teen wants the public to fixate on their sex life. "It was such a strange thing to a lot of people to wear these purity rings, especially as young men in a pop boy band," Nick added. "But I think when I'm looking back on it, although it was challenging to live with that, to be seen and have that attached to our name was very tough."

jonas brothers purity ring NexisLexis

In fact, between 2007 and 2008 the use of the word "virginity" in news, blogs, and magazines saw a huge spike in popularity. Politically, there were powerful conservatives pushing abstinence and fostering a "purity panic" to maintain their influence over policies. Sara Moslener, professor of religion at and author of Virgin Nation, noted, "The purity movement was about conservative evangelicals keeping access to political power. And it was young people, sexually pure young people, who could best make that case." Consequently, abstinence-based sex education programs in schools flourished in the '90s, including organizations like Silver Ring Thing, which received over $1 million in federal funding thanks to President George W. Bush's 2001 Community-Based Abstinence Education (CBAE) program.

But how does that lead us to Big Mouth's celebrated depictions of awkward early sexual encounters, manifested onscreen as a lascivious hormone monster and menacing shame wizard? Well, studies prove across the board that abstinence-only education doesn't work. They're "not just unrealistic, but it leaves our young people without the information and skills that they need," one researcher concluded. We fail our young people when we don't provide them with complete and medically accurate information."

big mouth hormone monster Big Mouth: Hormone MonsterGiphy

big mouth shame wizard Big Mouth: Shame WizardNetflix

Also, the Jonas Brothers and other Disney darlings who launched purity rings to popularity, like Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, and Demi Lovato, have all grown up. Some have gotten married. They have all had sex (a fact they've confirmed in what were probably not awkward interviews at all). Nick Jonas has reflected that the purity ring trend had the positive effect of showing him why sex shouldn't be taboo. He said, "I think it was a good thing. It gave me a really good perspective, to whereas now my main thing is about being OK with who I am as a man and the choices I've made, and I think everyone should have a good and solid conversation with either their parents or loved ones about sex and about what they want to do with their life, because it shouldn't be taboo. It's a big part of who we are and what makes us human, and if we can't address these things head on, then I think that it can really be challenging."


Today's buzzwords focus on inclusion and self-acceptance through body positivity and LGBTQ+ awareness, which are pieces of a cultural attitude towards sex positivity and away from shame-based abstinence. Sure, there's a risk of producing over-sexed media that could influence teens' behavior, but history shows that making sex taboo through abstinence-only programs have not reduced rates of teen pregnancy or STDs, so what's the danger? Media will always influence teens' behavior, no matter what. So, from showing that all genders experience crude changes to their hormones to depicting fumbling sexual experiments, series like Big Mouth and Pen15 show that sexual awakenings are awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing. The point is to subvert the history of shame surrounding sex talk, rather than obfuscating the fact with silence and using chastity as a brand. After all, it's 2019; haven't you heard—The Jonas Brothers like sex now.