TV Features

This Haunts Me: Wolf Blitzer Crashing and Burning on Celebrity Jeopardy

Because sometimes the people in charge of keeping us informed are morons.

Celebrity Jeopardy has been a source of comedy since Will Ferrell first donned a fake mustache on SNL in the 1990s.

The idea of placing people whose main qualification is looking nice in front of a camera in a format designed to pit trivia nerds against each other is fundamentally silly. The skills that make you a good late-night talk show sidekick have nothing to do with having a wealth of trivial knowledge at your fingertips. Of course there are some exceptions. When one of the contestants is among the most prominent news anchors on television (tasked with curating current events for millions of people who trust him to have the requisite education and understanding to place those events in context), you have to assume he has a certain advantage over the likes of Andy Richter—whose job is just to make Conan O'Brien seem funny.

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With the constant onslaught of complicated news that 2020 has brought, sometimes you just want to be able to shut off your brain, relax, and feel happy.

Enter comfort films. These are the feel-good movies that feel like a warm hug when you finish them, the ones that allow you to escape for a short while. We often turn to these types of films in times of trouble or extreme stress, and when we're not sure what films of this nature we should watch, we turn to the Internet for options.

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CULTURE

This Week in Internet Hell: No Cats or Teenagers Were Hurt During the Making of This List

What do Shane Dawson, Wolf Blitzer, and egg rolls have in common? They each ruined our week.

123rf.com

March Madness is the Internet's favorite time of year if you don't count April Fool's, the Super Bowl, and any time after midnight.

This week, we've been shocked to find that YouTubers might be desperate for attention, criminals also love greasy takeout, and Wolf Blitzer wants to be a teen idol. Here are five bright, horrible moments from the Internet this week.

1. This Is Probably NOT Human Slavery on eBay...but also Is It?!

No, no—this creative teen is probably poking fun at Internet job postings, or eBay, or rampant consumerism that commodifies every aspect of human experience. Right?! Her entire listing for "Hailey J. Eilert - Varsity Appllication [sic]" reads: "I am a hardworking individual who is ready to start working! I love the unique style of the company and feel I would be a good fit as I am a fast learner and team player. As a sophomore, I have a very flexible schedule and a car so I can easily adapt to a busy work schedule. For privacy concerns, I attached another document to my original email providing more detailed information about my references and employers as well as my school schedule. Thank You!"

Ebay - haileeiler-0

2. YouTuber Shane Dawson Probably Fucked His Cat

3. Florida Man Arrested, Accused of Shoving Woman to Get Egg Rolls

This is a story about a man who got arrested after trying to shove his way into a woman's house to access egg rolls. I like it because the dude just really wanted some egg rolls. That's pretty wholesome. Obviously, this was in Florida.

Yeah, he looks like he just had egg rolls.Klew TV

4. Reality Is the Best Prank Ever

Is this real or a dream or a gift?

5. Remember Craigslist: Missed Connections?

Guys, this gentle soul even included a map. Send help!

Craigslist - New York - Missed Connections


Meg Hanson is a Brooklyn-based writer, teacher, and jaywalker. Find Meg at her website and on Twitter @megsoyung.


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