Theater

Felix Mooneeram, Unsplash

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

This weekend we have an UglyDoll musical for some ungodly reason and spinning umbrella blades.

WIDE RELEASE:

Long Shot

Long Shot (2019 Movie) Official Trailer – Seth Rogen, Charlize Theronwww.youtube.com

Charlize Theron is the US Secretary of State in the midst of a presidential campaign. Seth Rogan is a schlubby, unemployed journalist who she babysat when they were kids. A chance encounter leads to her impulsively hiring him as a speechwriter, kicking off a totally improbable romance amplified by the globetrotting lifestyle of her career. This is the first major rom-com to hit theaters in a long time. With a major emphasis on comedy and two solid lead actors, Long Shot seems like an especially fun watch, especially if you miss the era where every weekend brought a new rom-com to the big screen.

The Intruder

THE INTRUDER - Official Trailer (HD)www.youtube.com

In this weekend's dose of obligatory horror, a young couple moves into their dream home out in the country, only to discover that the previous owner (Dennis Quaid) keeps coming back. The premise is actually pretty scary, considering that this is a real thing that happens. When I was a kid, the last guy who owned our house just showed up in the backyard one day to look at the flowers outside. He looked a lot frailer than Dennis Quaid, but it was still creepy.

UglyDolls

UglyDolls Trailer #2 (2019) | Movieclips Trailerswww.youtube.com

Remember those UglyDoll plushies from the 2000s? Well, they have their own movie now, and for some absolutely bonkers reason, it's a musical. Now you can watch Blake Shelton sing about body acceptance through the guise of a one-eyed green blob monster. Gabriel Iglesias is also billed, so you know the comedy is going to be terrible. I'm unreasonably confident that this movie is going to be an absolute dumpster fire. Just kidding. It's totally reasonable. Pitbull voices one of them too and he's never been attached to anything positive in his entire life.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflixwww.youtube.com

From the same director behind Netflix's Ted Bundy Tapes, this portrayal stars Zac Efron as the prolific serial killer. Told from the perspective of his long-term girlfriend, Liz Kendall (Lily Collins), Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile focuses more on Bundy's psychology and strategies of manipulation than his actual murders. There's always a glut of content out there for true crime enthusiasts, but it's not every day you see Zac Efron involved.

Shadow

Shadow Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips Indiewww.youtube.com

Yimou Zhang ( House of Flying Daggers) is one of the best martial arts film directors in history. His movies combine incredible action with stunning cinematography, resulting in pure visual spectacles. This time, he's employed spinning blade umbrellas––a whole platoon of them. I'm not one to judge people based on their opinions, but if that doesn't excite you then you're wrong and I don't like you on a personal level.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com


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Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of February 1st

What's playing this weekend? Glad you asked.

Theater

Photo by Felix Mooneeram on Unsplash

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

Maximize your time by only seeing the movies recommended to you by some guy on the Internet.

WIDE RELEASE:

Miss Bala

Miss Bala Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips Trailerswww.youtube.com

Gina Rodriguez's parents died, but that won't stop her from vacationing in Mexico with her best friend. It's just two gals livin' it up south of the border, when oh no, here come the cartels to kidnap them. Now sweet Gina needs to help the cartel if she wants to save her friend, but what will she do when the bad guy turns out to be hot? It kind of looks like Twilight except the sexy guy is a drug dealer instead of ancient vampire. Makes sense, considering it's directed by Catherine Hardwicke who also directed―you guessed it!―Twilight. Wait for the reviews.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Arctic

ARCTIC | Official Trailerwww.youtube.com

The ultimate survival match, Man v Nature. Mads Mikkelson stars as a plane crash survivor stranded in the arctic with a young woman who can't move on her own. Now if he wants to survive, he needs to trek through the wilderness, dragging the woman on a sled, fighting snowstorms and polar bears. The cinematography looks nice, but the movie seems harrowing. If you're into survival fare, this is right up your alley.

The Wild Pear Tree

The Wild Pear Tree (official trailer)www.youtube.com

Nominated for a Palme d'Or at Cannes, this Turkish film is about a young man who returns home after college while trying to save money to publish his first novel. There, he clashes with his gambling-addicted father and the various people and culture that shaped his youth. Even in the trailer, the imagery seems immediately profound. Reviews are also glowing, so if you're out to see a movie that will make you think and potentially analyze your own ambitions, this seems like a great choice.

They Shall Not Grow Old

They Shall Not Grow Old – New Trailer – In Theaters February 1www.youtube.com

Peter Jackson has created one of the most impressive documentaries ever made. They Shall Not Grow Old offers an up-close look at WW1 through the lens of first-person accounts and footage gathered from the BBC and Imperial War Museum, all restored with unbelievable clarity. The resulting product looks like it was shot in a Hollywood studio, and makes you feel closer to the Great War and the young men who died there than you might have believed possible.

NETFLIX:

Velvet Buzzsaw

Velvet Buzzsaw | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflixwww.youtube.com

Velvet Buzzsaw is a horror movie about the high art world from the writer/director behind Nightcrawler. It also stars Jake Gyllenhaal. If that's not enough to get you excited then, much like high art, you probably just don't get it. But as an added bonus, it's on Netflix so you don't even need to leave your house to see what's sure to be the most talked about movie release of the weekend. It also looks like a lot of fun.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com



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Overboard

Let's enjoy a remake of a film that I'm tired of seeing play on my television every other weekend. In this new take on the classic with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, a Mexican playboy named Leonardo is spoiled, rich, and selfish, and in need of a maid to help clean his yacht, which he finds in the way of Kate, a single, over-worked mom. After falling off the side of his ship and coming down with a case of amnesia, Kate visits him in the hospital and decides to get her payback by convincing him he's her husband and making him help out with the work. You're familiar with the story, so just settle in for the laughs.

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