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Ace Watkins Will Be the First Gamer President

Meet Ace Watkins, the gamer aiming for the Whitehouse.

thehardtimes.net

The 2020 political landscape is bloated with candidates, kind of like Fortnite. But one candidate stands supreme above the rest: Ace Watkins, the man who will be the first gamer president.

Ace Watkins announced his presidential candidacy in early July. Unlike his opponents, whose campaigns hinge on their ability to appeal to wide audiences, Watkins fights staunchly for one of America's most underrepresented minorities––gamers.

Gamer President Campaign Announcement www.youtube.com

Watkins cares about the issues that real gamers care about. If elected president, Watkins will undoubtedly bring about real change––changes like legally clarifying the pronunciation of "GIF."

And finally ensuring that the alphabet properly lines up with gaming tier lists.

As president, I will make sure that S is the first letter of the alphabet so that it matches with tier lists.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564708829.0

Perhaps most importantly, Watkins plans to finally do something about awful, predatory lootboxes in video games.

Please vote for me to be President of the United States.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1565208441.0

Or wait, no, this is definitely most important:

If you let me be president, I will just straight up tell you if aliens exist.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564419547.0

Watkins also has the personality for the job. He's humble.

Presidents should have a certain measure of humility. That's why when I achieve the high score on an arcade machine, I use the initials USA.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564964451.0

Unlike our current president and a few past ones, too, Americans never need to worry about whether or not Watkins will become embroiled in a sex scandal.

You cannot have a sex scandal if you have never had sex.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563907740.0

But being a gamer doesn't mean that Watkins doesn't also hold legitimate political positions. He's actually a very forward-thinking guy. For instance, Watkins supports trans rights.

Getting many questions asking if I support trans rights. Of course I do. I'm a Gamer, not a gamer.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1562773624.0

He believes in closing tax loopholes for the billionaire class.

Billionaires are OP and need to be nerfed.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1562610000.0

And actually jailing all the criminals on Wall Street.

Many RuneScape players were tricked as children by people who said they were "duplicating" their gold but then simp… https://t.co/50aL5vsEDY
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563413280.0

Watkins won't be soft on North Korea.

We need a President who can take on BOTH Koreas. North for human atrocity reasons, but of course, South for StarCraft reasons.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563477109.0

He rejects America's deeply ingrained class system.

America needs to follow Skyrim's lead and get rid of the class system.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563067086.0

Watkins won't support the abuse of immigrants by ICE.

We need to abolish ICE. My administration will not stand for spawn camping at the border.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563141600.0

And amazingly, Watkins has laid bare his thoughts on the most raging political divide: anime tiddies or anime ass?

Too much of our national discourse has centered on the size of anime titties. This is nothing but a distraction. Ev… https://t.co/ozniu3qWnd
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1562793684.0

Watkins is also totally unafraid of his opponents. Years of gaming have trained him to face his enemies head-on, and Watkins takes that training to heart, striking first and striking hard. He's gone for Trump.

Donald Trump will surely try to cheat his way into being reelected in 2020. That's why we need a candidate who can… https://t.co/Jj2W2bWiqM
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563382028.0

Watkins hasn't let Trump's GOP cronies off the hook either, calling them out for their absurd attempts to blame mass shootings on video games.

I worked all morning on a statement about these horrific shootings, but then I realized @DanPatrick and @GOPLeader… https://t.co/7LaxLZ6zIz
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564942776.0

Watkins has also come for Democrat candidates in preparation for his own nomination. He's roasted Biden.

Joe Biden is so old and close to death he's blinking red.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564624685.0

He's roasted Bernie.

Since announcing my candidacy, Bernie Sanders has been scared. First he tried starting a Twitch account to split th… https://t.co/24fmTaQaHy
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1565230885.0

He roasted all these generic white guys.

I got rejected from tonight's debate server to make room for these no skin default fucking losers. https://t.co/VlNe7adP7Q
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564507626.0

And then he really honed in on Delaney.

https://t.co/wgqrIA6Mry
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1564622951.0

Like, absolutely destroyed him.

I've been grinding away by defeating lower level candidates like @JohnDelaney over and over again.
— Ace Watkins (@Ace Watkins) 1563663960.0

Ace Watkins is indisputably the best candidate of 2020, and we look forward to his inevitable gamer presidency with bated breath. Make America git gud.