CULTURE

Ace Watkins Will Be the First Gamer President

Meet Ace Watkins, the gamer aiming for the Whitehouse.

thehardtimes.net

The 2020 political landscape is bloated with candidates, kind of like Fortnite. But one candidate stands supreme above the rest: Ace Watkins, the man who will be the first gamer president.

Ace Watkins announced his presidential candidacy in early July. Unlike his opponents, whose campaigns hinge on their ability to appeal to wide audiences, Watkins fights staunchly for one of America's most underrepresented minorities––gamers.

Gamer President Campaign Announcement www.youtube.com

Watkins cares about the issues that real gamers care about. If elected president, Watkins will undoubtedly bring about real change––changes like legally clarifying the pronunciation of "GIF."

And finally ensuring that the alphabet properly lines up with gaming tier lists.

Perhaps most importantly, Watkins plans to finally do something about awful, predatory lootboxes in video games.

Or wait, no, this is definitely most important:

Watkins also has the personality for the job. He's humble.

Unlike our current president and a few past ones, too, Americans never need to worry about whether or not Watkins will become embroiled in a sex scandal.

But being a gamer doesn't mean that Watkins doesn't also hold legitimate political positions. He's actually a very forward-thinking guy. For instance, Watkins supports trans rights.

He believes in closing tax loopholes for the billionaire class.

And actually jailing all the criminals on Wall Street.

Watkins won't be soft on North Korea.

He rejects America's deeply ingrained class system.

Watkins won't support the abuse of immigrants by ICE.

And amazingly, Watkins has laid bare his thoughts on the most raging political divide: anime tiddies or anime ass?

Watkins is also totally unafraid of his opponents. Years of gaming have trained him to face his enemies head-on, and Watkins takes that training to heart, striking first and striking hard. He's gone for Trump.

Watkins hasn't let Trump's GOP cronies off the hook either, calling them out for their absurd attempts to blame mass shootings on video games.

Watkins has also come for Democrat candidates in preparation for his own nomination. He's roasted Biden.

He's roasted Bernie.

He roasted all these generic white guys.

And then he really honed in on Delaney.

Like, absolutely destroyed him.

Ace Watkins is indisputably the best candidate of 2020, and we look forward to his inevitable gamer presidency with bated breath. Make America git gud.