One talks to aliens, another injects her 15-year-old daughter with Botox, and one is married to Spencer Pratt!
The Human Barbie craze, also known as “The Barbie Flu” is a pernicious virus that, though it seems to favor Ukraine, knows no geographical or socio-economic boundaries, nor does it discriminate based on age.
Popdust put 7 of these curious creatures through our official Weird-O-Meter.
Here are the results:
Heidi Montag: American “Reality” Barbie
1: Surgery: The 28 year-old underwent an infamous 10 plastic surgeries in one day in 2010, and unlike her Ukrainian peers, admits to them all.
2: Love life: Married Spencer Pratt
3: Booze bag: Loves red wine and tequila. Nothin’ weird about that.
4: Spending: $100,000 a month on hair and make up alone!
5: More Spending: $20-30,000 a day on clothes!
6: Hospitality: Invited troubled former child star Amanda Bynes to live with her!
7: Ambition: Poured $2.5 million into producing a pop album in 2010, which failed miserably-only selling 1000 copies!
8: Regrets: "I definitely regret the surgeries that I have had over the years, I think I was so young and in such an unstable situation in my life with so much going on and so much pressure."
Weird-o-meter reading: 6.2
Alina Kovalevskaya: Slightly less crazy than the other Ukrainian Barbies
1: Surgery: Age: 21, claims she's has “never had plastic surgery” blahblahblah
2: Ambition: Also wants to be a psychologist. WTF?
3: Favorite Show: Keeping Up with the Kardashians.... WTF?
4: Friendship: Can’t stand frenemy Valeria Lukyanova "I have had certain misunderstandings with her after which we ceased to communicate," Kovalevskaya said. "I realized she is not a person with whom I would like to talk to or even be friends."
5: Celebrity crush: President Obama. She even photoshopped a picture of herself with him and posted it on Facebook!
6: Diet: Eats bananas, kiwis, and oranges
7: Says shit like: "I look like a doll. I like big eyes, little nose, small plump lips. I love long hair, my hair is a meter long."
8: Has real boobs: Weird for a Human Barbie, normal for normal people.
Weird-o-meter reading: 7.5
Lolita Richi: Ukrainian Jail bait Barbie
1: Surgery: Despite sporting a Michael Jackson nose, Angelina Jolie lips, eyes the size of tangerines, and measurements of 32F-20-33, she won’t even admit to having fake titties! 'I had great features to start with and I just improved on them. My big breasts are natural although I sometimes wear a push-up bra to enhance them.”
2: Ambitions: Wants to become a psychologist after she finishes school
3: Diet: “Whatever’s available in the fridge whether that’s sausages or fruit.”
4: Dating: '”People have openly told me that they're jealous of me and how good I look. All of the boys at school fancy me as well but I don't like any of them. They are not to my taste. They aren't good enough for me and they have an immature mentality.
5: Biggest fan/photographer: All those sexy shots of her in bikinis and corsets? Her mom took them!
6: Age: The aptly named Lolita turned 17 on December 1.
7. Says shit like: “I started dressing up like this because I want to look perfect. I think that all women should be well-kept and immaculate. I wanted to be my own inspiration.”
And:
“If a girl doesn't have beautiful eyes then they should wear contact lenses to sort it out. If they have a crooked nose, then she must do something about it, whether that's plastic surgery or not.”
8: Is a baldist: “I want to be with a really manly man who is polite, sensible and who doesn't run away from problems. He also needs to have a full head of hair. I don't like bald men.”
Weird-o-meter reading: 7.1
Sarah Burge: British MILF Barbie
1: Comes correct: This refreshingly honest Barbie cops to spending $600,000 to look like the famed doll. Honest: Yes. Weird: Definitely.
2: Early start: Now 53, Sarah had her first surgery at the age of 7 to correct prominent ears.
3. Parenting: Is teaching her 7 year-old daughter how to dance on a stripper pole.
4: Plastic surgery: It’s in the genes: In 2010, Burge began injecting her then 15-year-old daughter with Botox. “'I wanted to have Botox for two reasons - it prevents wrinkles and everyone at my school was talking about having "B" I had a couple of lines on my forehead and around my mouth, which I was unhappy about. Appearance is important to me and I don't want to look haggard and ugly by the time I'm 25,” little Hannah explained.
5: Record holder: The single mother-of-three holds the world record for the most cosmetic procedures
6: More bad parenting: Gave her 7-year-old daughter $20,500 worth of vouchers for a future boob job and liposuction
7: Party animal: Has a party planning business that gives spray tans and hair extensions to girls between the ages of 7 and 13.
8: Public Relations: Managed to offend unflappable reporter Anderson Cooper so much her called her “dreadful” and threw her off his show.
Weird-o-meter reading: 9.4
Honorable mention: Kiki Kannibal: Murder and Mayhem Barbie
1: Rise to fame: Not a “Barbie” per se, Kiki (née Kristen Ostrenga) started her first MySpace page when she was 13 with her parents' permission, and gained thousands of fans with her kooky outfits and provocative photos.
2: Rape and suicide: At 14, she started seeing 18-year-old Danny "Mr. MySpace" Cespedes. He allegedly raped her one night, but when police tried to arrest him months later in October of 2007, he threw himself off a parking garage and died.
3: Stalker: Chris Stone of the tween gossip site Stickydrama, began hounding Kiki, blaming her for Danny’s death. He posted her family’s address online and she and her family were forced to move due to constant harassment and death threats.
4: Poop: Stone later offered one of Kiki’s ex-boyfriends money to defecate on her photo.
5: Imitators: There are close to 600 Facebook profiles claiming to be Kiki Kannibal, including one with over 20,000 fans
6: Diet: Strict vegetarian
7: Delusions of grandeur: Claims to have “brought stripes back” by lowlighting brown stripes through her blonde hair.
8: Pop culture break through: Kiki Kannibal is now a word on Urban Dictionary meaning: A stupid ignorant scene poser that claims to bring back social and popular things that people ALREADY do
Weird-o-meter reading: 6.4
Valeria Lukyanova: Ukrainian time-traveling spiritual guru Barbie
1: Surgery: Michael Jackson nose, Angelina Jolie lips, eyes the size of tangerines... (sound familiar?!!) and measurements of 39 E 18-35, she claims to have had no plastic surgery except for breast implants.
2: Diet: A devoted Breatharian, Lukyanova subsists on a diet of light, air and other “cosmic micro-food.”
3: Love life: Despises her boyfriend, the Human Ken. When the pair met, they instantly hated each other.
4: Communicates with aliens: “My communication with aliens is not verbal—we speak the language of light. I have learned a lot from my contact with them. Now I know that my spirit is very old. And also that humans are the least sophisticated civilization—we’re on the lowest level of evolution. Aliens helped me understand everything about the creation of our world. It turns out that the truth has nothing to do with how religions interpret it.”
5: Says shit like: “The aim of my life is to come to this planet to help people realize that it is necessary to move from the role of ‘human consumer’ to ‘human demi-god;'”
6: On marriage and family: The 29-year-old Said she would rather be tortured than have children. “I’d rather die from torture, because the worst thing in the world is to have a family lifestyle.”
7: Race relations: Believes plastic surgery has exploded because of race mixing: "For example, a Russian marries an Armenian," Lukyanova told GQ. "They have a kid, a cute girl, but she has her dad's nose. She goes and files it down a little, and it's all good. Ethnicities are mixing now, so there's degeneration, and it didn't used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this. I love the Nordic image myself. I have white skin; I am a Nordic type—perhaps a little Eastern Baltic, but closer to Nordic."
8: Occupation: She is an astral projection teacher at the School of Out-of-Body-Travel.
Weird-o- meter reading: A perfect 10
Jenny Lee: Franken-Barbie
1: Surgery: Spent close to $200, 000.
2: Rise to fame: Gained national attention after appearing on an Oprah show about cosmetic surgery addiction.
3: Good Genes: Was voted “Most Beautiful” in her high school, before ever going under the knife
4: Franken-babe: Requested a nose like Michael Jackson’s, Angelina Jolie's lips, Jennifer Aniston’s jawline, Jennifer Lopez’s profile and gigantic knockers
5: Early start: Had had 28 surgeries by the time she was 26
6: Parenting: “Where [my daughter Kaleigh's] concerned, I've always made it very clear that she needs nothing,” Jenny said. Phew!
7: At least she knows there's a problem: Admitted to suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder on Larry King Live.
8: The full monty: Had a full body lift- a procedure usually reserved for old people or patients who have lost 100 pounds or more
Weird-o-meter: 7.4
Meanwhile, if you want to get even weirder... check out Popdust's gallery of photos of the woman who spent $50,000 on plastic surgery to become a human blow-up sex doll.....
