TV

How Every Main Character in "Game of Thrones" Was Ruined in the Last Season

Game of Thrones' showrunners basically declared "Dracarys" on all the character development in their series.

Showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss seem to have approached Game of Thrones season 8 with one goal in mind––to destroy every single narrative arc that has made the series compelling thus far.

The final season is so god awful that hating it is becoming cliche. From the hacky, fan-fiction-esque dialogue of every interpersonal scene to the unwatchable lighting of the most important battle of the series, the only salvageable element might be the set design. Minus the Starbucks cup snafu, of course.

But worse than any surface-level issues, this season of Game of Thrones seems to completely throw away everything that makes our favorite characters compelling. It's fine to make a character we love do something we don't want them to do, even if that something is downright evil––as long as that action is properly motivated. Likewise, we might enjoy watching a character we like doing something cool (like shanking the Night King), but unless that action feels earned, their feat rings hollow. So without further ado, let's dissect exactly how Benioff and Weiss have decimated all the best narrative arcs:

Daenerys

The core issue with Daenerys laying waste to King's Landing was not that she did something evil. In fact, Daenerys' shift from "Breaker of Chains" to "homicidal lunatic" could have been a fantastic character shift if it made even a lick of sense. But based on everything we've seen in the entire show, Daenerys destroying the townsfolk of King's Landing was simply something her character wouldn't do.

D&D want us to believe that Dany, whose entire arc has revolved around freeing slaves and coming into her own as a benevolent ruler and figurehead, would suddenly commit genocide because her friend was murdered, a few of her advisors are gone, and her nephew (Jon Snow) doesn't want to sleep with her anymore. They try to convince us of this by having characters around her say things like "don't do anything crazy, Daenerys!" and second-guess her authority in the episodes leading up to the genocide, even though she hadn't done anything to warrant those actions.

They could have found ways to make her descent into madness convincing. They also could have reached the same point in the plot without actually making her intentionally genocidal. For instance, she could have burnt the Red Keep, triggering a chain reaction of wildfire planted by Cersei beneath the city. This would have been consistent with Daenerys' impulsive nature, while not going against everything she's stood for as a character (ie: freeing slaves, killing slavers, not murdering innocent people). It also would have looked like genocide to the people on the ground, meaning the need for her political removal would still ring true. But nope, Daenerys is a genocidal monster now because girl power or something.

Jaime

Everyone loves a great redemption arc, and Jaime certainly seemed to be heading in that direction. Jaime's case was especially interesting because the actions he was being redeemed from––chief amongst them, pushing a child out a window––seemed so unforgivable. This made his general likeability, a budding friendship with Brienne, and occasionally noble actions all the more compelling. Jaime may have done awful things because he loved Cersei, but he also understood his flaws and wanted to change for the better. Could a character like that ever be redeemed?

Everything in the show seemed to point towards "yes," giving Jaime one of the most powerful redemption arcs in fiction. He had fully broken free of Cersei's grip and moved on to another woman (Brienne) who accepted him for who he was––that is, until Cersei sent Bronn to murder him with a crossbow and, for some reason, that experience makes Jaime decide to leave everything behind and return to her. It's fine that Jaime never completed his redemption arc; it's not fine that his motivation for going back was nonsensical. Why, after everything Jaime had been through, would Cersei sending someone to murder him cause him to run back to her?

Brienne

What better way to deal with a strong bastion of female empowerment like Brienne––a woman in a patriarchal society who has dedicated her entire life to subverting gender roles and becoming a knight––than turning her into a sobbing mess over a man leaving her for his sister after taking her virginity? Would the Brienne we knew in the first seven seasons ever act like that? Really? REALLY?

Tyrion

Tyrion is very clever. We know this because everyone in the show is always talking about how clever Tyrion is supposed to be. Except he's not clever anymore. He was certainly clever during the earlier seasons, but that might as well have been a different character. Currently, Tyrion has an almost prophetic ability to pick the most incorrect option imaginable, from thinking Cersei would actually help him fight the White Walkers to backing Daenerys right before she commits genocide. For whatever reason, D&D turned Tyrion into a total moron.

Jon Snow

Jon is a great leader. We know this because...sensing a pattern here...everyone tells us he is. At one point in the show, Jon really did broker some degree of peace between the Night's Watch and their sworn enemy, the Wildlings. But at this point in the show, Jon seems to prefer being entirely useless at all times. His best recent "leadership" moves were kind of shouting at a zombie dragon and meekly telling two dudes to "fall back" after King's Landing had already been on fire for three hours. He also really loves "muh queen," which is apparent because the script makes him say this constantly.

Varys

People say Varys is one of the few characters who stayed consistent. They're wrong. Old Varys would never have politicked out in the open. He was the "Master of Whispers," not the "Master of Shouting Intent." Why, then, did he make his intentions to overthrow Daenerys so crystal clear to everyone around her? Did he forget how to Game of Thrones? Good riddance.

Night King

The Night King was set up to be the greatest evil in the history of the world, the worst threat humanity has ever faced. From the beginning of Game of Thrones, we heard one refrain over and over: "Winter is coming." The Night King was winter, and he came only to get single-handedly thrashed by a teenager. He never got reason or motivation or character development either, which probably would have been fine if he had actually been the great evil he was chalked up to be. But, again, he got absolutely bodied by a teenager within two seconds of meeting her. Total waste of space.

Arya

Yes, Arya is very badass. She can teleport and shoot arrows and kill the world's most ultimate evil, no problem. She can also steal people's faces, or at least she could at one point but seems to have forgotten how, so who knows? When she's running scared in the middle of King's Landing she doesn't seem to have her teleport powers either, but luckily she still has the thickest layer of plot armor that anybody has ever had. Her plot armor is so thick that everyone seems to die in her part of King's Landing except her. So Arya's still totally cool, she just doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Euron

Euron is the best character on the show, hands down. People love shitting on Euron, but he's the perfect embodiment of everything Game of Thrones has become. Every scene with Euron is like watching some guy from a different set wander on to create a mess. Need something killed to move on the plot? Have Euron do it. Need a ten-minute fight scene for no reason with a character nobody currently has any reason to fight? Have Euron do it. Want somebody to talk about sticking fingers up people's butts out of nowhere? Euron's your guy. He's like some weird Jack Sparrow x Game of Thrones fanfiction bullshit and the show is totally ruined now so hey, why the hell not? #TeamEuron


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com


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While we're admittedly disappointed by the lack of nipples featured in Season 8, Episode 2 of Game of Thrones, we're really over-the-moon about Arya's unexpected sexual dominance over that filthy, filthy blacksmith. Sure, we didn't get any particularly unexpected moments or well-written dialogue, but we did get plenty of unnecessary exposition! As usual, we're left with more questions than answers.

Is Sansa going to be disappointed by Theon's lack of equipment?

What were we supposed to have gathered from that long gaze between Sansa and Theon? Are they about to apocalypse bang? Isn't he kind of gross? Doesn't he lack the necessary equipment to make that happen? How does Joe Jonas feel about this?

Is this an allegory for climate change or is it just zombies vs. dragons from the mind of someone who stopped emotionally developing at 13?

There is absolutely an argument to be made that there are some pretty high-minded metaphors going on in this wet dream of a TV show, but there is also convincing evidence that a dragon vs. ice zombie fight with an HBO budget is going to be the coolest thing anyone's ever seen. So, honestly, who cares if the world is ending?

Why did they try to copy that scene from Lord of the Rings where Pippin sings while Faramir gets shot?

Pippin's Song: Edge of Night (LOTR) HQ + Subs/Lyricswww.youtube.com

Yes, a haunting ballad is an excellent backing track to a significant plot moment, but that doesn't mean you can just straight up steal from Peter Jackson. Sure, the man desecrated his reputation with The Hobbit movies, but we still owe him at least a shred of respect for the way that grape tomato represented Faramir's life!

Why didn't Jon or Dany mention the incest elephant in the room?

Yeah, we get it, Dany is supposed to be all power hungry now and we're all questioning her ability to lead, she's complicated, WE GET IT. But seriously, not a single mention of the fact that Aunt's usually don't have passionate boat sex with their nephews? Nothing?

Arya has boobs?

In theory, we knew this. But I don't think we really knew until today. How do we feel about this? Honestly, kind of like we saw our cousin naked. But then again, in Westeros, that's not really a big deal.

Why did Jon stay in the crypt the whole time?

So we hate to say it, because there is no question that the man broods deliciously, but is Jon...getting boring? You're really going to spend the whole damn day with your dead relatives underground instead of fucking your hot aunt before you turn into a zombie?

Is Jaime...a feminist?

Sure, Hillary lost the election but Brienne was knighted.

Will the white walker dragon breathe dry ice?!

This isn't even a question. If the white walker dragon doesn't blow ice into his dragon brother's fire so that the two elements mix in the air to create a magnificent, high budget explosion, we're cancelling our HBO subscriptions.

Can we PLEASE just see Jon Snow's butt again?

That's it. That's the whole question. There is no farther explanation needed.

Is Bran...okay?

We get it, you're spooky now, but my god the room-clearing one liners are getting out of hand.

Is Tormund saying "suckled at her teet" the worst or best line ever uttered on this god forsaken television program?

First of all, Tormund is a gift. Second of all, did he get any of that beer in his mouth?

As always, valar morgulis, nerds. Check out the trailer for episode 3 below!

Game of Thrones | Season 8 Episode 3 | Preview (HBO)www.youtube.com



Brooke Ivey Johnsonis a Brooklyn based writer, playwright, and human woman. To read more of her work visit her blog or follow her twitter @BrookeIJohnson.


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