MUSIC

The Legacy of Kanye's "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy"

The rapper's magnum opus turned 10 years old over the weekend.

It's almost eerie how accurately Kanye West predicted his own fate when he uttered the words "I miss the old Kanye" on 2016's The Life of Pablo.

In my head, and likely in the memories of many others, there are two Kanyes: a then and a now. Both are cocky, self-important, certifiable jerks, but then, he at least still felt a marginal need to continue proving himself.

Now, he's so immeasurably detached from reality that it's a little hard to take anything he does or creates seriously—at this point, I find it difficult to even care. I don't want to explicitly cite a certain presidential election and its aftermath as the dividing line between the Kanye of then and now in my conscience, but...yeah, Kanye rubbing elbows with Trump was pretty much the last straw for me.

Keep Reading Show less
Culture Feature

Here's What Would Have Happened in Every Major Sport This Season

The beauty of sport lies in its capacity for possibility.

The beauty of sport lies in its capacity for possibility.

Though only rarely is sport meaningfully memorable, there's always the potential that the game you're watching will matter historically. The batter walks to the box, knocking his bat on his cleats with that certain look in his eyes, and it's entirely in the realm of possibility that this is it, the home-run that goes farther than any ever has before.

In a time of frightening what-ifs, we could use the welcome and innocent unknown of sport more than ever. Alas, the seasons have been suspended or cancelled, and we are left with only our imaginations to fill in the blanks. But if our imaginations alone are going to decide the outcomes of such seasons, let's use that imagination to the fullest. Let's assume that every sport was going to have its most wild and historic season of all time. So, here are hyperbolic predictions for nearly all the major sports we won't actually get to see played this year.


National Basketball Association

The NBA never pauses play. Lebron James continues to lead the league in assists, continues to garner MVP-buzz over early-season favorite Giannis Antetokounmpo. With an eighth of the season left to play, however, many are still reluctant to cast their MVP vote for James. After all, Giannis had the highest PER (player-efficiency-rating) of all time. Of all time! Things look pre-decided.

Lebron holds a press conference with nine games left in the season, saying something along the lines of "I'm the best to do it. I'm no doubt the MVP. And I'm going to prove it." And then he proves it. Lebron goes at least 45-10-10 (points-rebounds-assists) every game until the end of the season, and copyrights the phrase Best To Do It, which gets immediately attached to shoe advertisements and Twitter bios alike. He wins MVP in a sudden landslide.


Lebron James goes up for a wind-mill dunk against the Houston Rockets NBA.com


The playoffs are otherwise a wash. Nothing else matters besides the collision course between Lebron, on a warpath, and Giannis, out to prove the doubters wrong. Both Lebron's Los Angeles Lakers and Giannis' Milwaukee Bucks sweep their first two playoff rounds, embarrassing teams by 20, 30, even 40 points. In the Conference Championships, the Lakers drop their first game to the Clippers, only to come back and win four straight. In that last game, however, Anthony Davis of the Lakers takes a hard fall and strains his back. Will he be able to play in the Finals? All anybody knows is that Giannis just went off for 60-21-8 as the Bucks beat the Boston Celtics in six games, setting up a showdown of titans.

Davis isn't coming back. He won't be cleared in time for anything but game seven, if the series even gets that far. And it doesn't look like it will. The Bucks beat the Lakers 122-100, 130-126, and 118-117 in three consecutive games. Lebron just ain't got it. Nobody's ever come back from 3-0. Khris Middleton of the Bucks says something acerbic in a presser, and fans on Twitter start making death threats, claiming he's jinxed the team.

And he's seemed to. The Bucks drop three-in-a-row, all close games, two of which go to overtime. Davis comes back in the Final game, and he helps the Lakers take a 25-point lead by the third quarter. They never let it go. The narrative around Giannis becomes dark: is he a born loser? Will he ever succeed in the NBA ? Can he be the best guy on a Championship team?

Meanwhile, Lebron gets another ring, and another MVP, and another Finals MVP. The line between him and Jordan looks cloudier than ever. Best to do it? Maybe so, after all.

Major League Baseball

The New York Yankees, Los Angeles Dodgers, Milwaukee Brewers (great fake season for Wisconsin), Cleveland Indians, and San Diego Padres all win 100 games a piece. It's the first time five teams have accomplished such a feat in League history. Meanwhile, the cheating Houston Astros lose six of their nine Opening Day starters to various injuries. Either they were intentionally hit by fastballs, or divine intervention saw fit to take them from the game: torn ACL's, hyperextended knees, groin sprains galore.

Actually, the violence surrounding the Astros becomes one of the League's great storylines. Never before has the entirety of the MLB been so united against a common enemy, and by mid-way through the season, any instance of hitting an Astros player with a pitch is punishable by a full year suspension, as per commissioner Rob Manfred.That stops most people, but not everyone. Astros game viewership skyrockets, highest in the League. Everyone wants to know who's going to get beaned next.

The Yankees break their own record for most consecutive games with a home-run, at the same time as the Dodgers' superstar pair, Mookie Betts and Cody Bellinger, become an unprecedentedly efficient duo. The two coastal powerhouses meet in the World Series, which goes to seven games. Aroldis Chapman of the Yankees gives up a home-run in the top of the 9th-inning to put the Dodgers up by two. The Yankees get one more chance, however.


Yankee Stadium in all of its glory. Yankee Stadium - Wikipedia upload.wikimedia.org


The first two batters go down swinging. Yankee Stadium is almost silent as Aaron Judge, the potential last out, comes up to the plate. Boom, he hits a solo home-run to bring the game within one run. Giancarlo Stanton, who only played half the season due to injury, does the same. And then Gary Sanchez etches his own name in Yankees history, hitting a third consecutive solo shot, lifting the Bombers over the Dodgers 6-5. It's their 28th title of all time, and perhaps the most dramatic.

The trio come to be known as the Tri-State Toreadors, and all stay with the Yankees for their next nine seasons, five of which result in championships. T-shirt sales hit unprecedented numbers.


National Hockey League

The abysmal Red Wings of Detroit don't win again for the rest of the season. With 11-games left to play, the 17-54 Red Wings just kind of roll-over and die. After their losing streak climaxes with one of hockey's longest-ever scoring droughts, the performance is deemed so bad by fans that after pouring out of Little Caesar's Arena, the Detroit crowd becomes riotous, flipping cars and breaking glass windows and looting wildly. Mike Duggan, Mayor of Detroit, declares a State of Emergency. The National Guard is called in. The NHL convenes a meeting of the owners. Citing "destructive fan tendency" but really just making good on a tacit promise made years ago to a pair of oil men in Little Rock, the league ignores the Red Wings' unprecedented 22-year-playoff streak in favor of the recency bias. The team is moved out of Michigan altogether. Stripped of city and name, they are re-christened the Arkansas Spartans. Their new logo is fittingly the omega symbol, as they are cursed by the Hockey Gods not to win another title for 75 years, when the NHL is finally splintered and moved off-planet.



All of the Detroit Red Wings' championship banners and retired jerseys hanging from the rafters. Detroit Red Wings Retired Jerseys and Championship Banners… | Flickr live.staticflickr.com


Though still a spot out of the playoffs when the season briefly stopped, the Vancouver Canucks use the short break to recover from their multitude of injuries. Vancouver superstars Elias Petterson and Quinn Hughes combine talents with recently traded-for asset Tyler Toffoli, who spins his injury-replacement role into a full-time starting gig, and the team manages to squeak by into the playoffs. And they keep on squeaking by. They win series after series by late-game goals, by overtime magic, barely overcoming opponents. Yet despite Vancouver's best efforts, the Philadelphia Flyers (Flyers coach Alain Vigneault does incredible work with a young team and, especially, a young defense. Goalie Carter Hart proves himself one of the elite goaltenders in the sport, putting on a clinic night-after-night, helping the team remain nearly unbeatable at home) best them after six hard games in the Stanley Cup Finals. "Shockingly," Philadelphia also goes up in flames. Someone steals the Liberty Bell. Eight people die. A Ticker Tape Parade is still held. Cameras catch the deceased ascending to Valhalla.


The 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics

Simone Biles performs a coterie of unseen moves that come to be known as the Simone Sequence. Each one she has created, innovated, and mastered. They're aptly named the Biles, the Biles II, the Biles III, and the Gymnast Formerly Known as the Biles. No other entrant dares attempt even a single one of them. Biles breaks her own record for gold medals won (they make a new category for her, Women's Domination, at her behest), but after the Games have ended, she bafflingly announces that she's hanging up the leotard, opting instead to focus on philanthropy. The Biles Brigade helps bring school supplies and talented teachers to under-served communities. Biles, through smart investments and evergreen accomplishment, becomes the first Olympic Billionaire. In 2036, she runs for Governor of Ohio.


Simone Biles straight flexin' at the 2016 Olympics in Rio. File:Simone Biles na Rio 2016.jpg - Wikimedia Commons upload.wikimedia.org


The Tokyo Olympics elevate Competitive Rock Climbing to the world's stage. Niche climbers and amateurs alike fall in to watch the festivities, to see what was once a hobby become a sensation. There were more of them than even they thought. Led by a resurgent performance from American climber Brooke Raboutou (following in the footsteps of Phelps and Bolt), climbing enters the public imagination. A generation of kids dream of competing in the new events themselves, not least because it looks so fun, and the forthcoming, figurative Mt. Rushmore is in need of faces. Harvard announces the country's first climbing scholarships. Yale, steeped in tradition, defies the wave. Within five years, they're excommunicated from the Ivy League, replaced by Bard College. The number of climbing gyms triple in the United States, and professional climbers become household names. Watching the 2020 Games from her home in Upstate New York, eight-year-old Connie Rodriguez dreams of becoming the youngest Olympic-climbing qualifier ever. Four years later, she does just that, landing the cover of Time Magazine, with an interview titled "World Domination, and Home in time for Supper."


Professional Golf Association

Tiger Woods wins the Masters. Again. It's one of the greatest sports stories of all time, pulling him within two of Jack Nicklaus' all-time majors record. And the specifics of the feat are even more staggering. Tiger's first two rounds are so full of mistakes he nearly misses the cut, but then he plays the two greatest rounds in Masters history, shooting a 62 followed by a 61.


Brooks Koepka answering questions next to his 2018 U.S. Open Trophy. File:Brooks Koepka with the U.S. Open Trophy.jpg - Wikimedia Commons upload.wikimedia.org


Simultaneous to Tiger's comeback, Brooks Koepka, world number three and then-leader, struggles in the final round, feeling Tiger's breath on his neck. After losing in a tense three-hole playoff, Brooks snaps his club on his knee, rips off his shirt, screams something in Latin, approaches and then assaults Tiger Woods on the green, bashing him in the face and arms repeatedly with the broken broad-side of a golf club. Koepka is sentenced to 20 years in Federal Prison for the crime, the televised trial of which draws O.J. Simpson-like press. Tiger is never able to play Golf again, but spins tragedy into accomplishment. He becomes an ambassador for the Sport, a role model for children, and a philanthropist. He sets a new record, delivering the most all-time College Commencement Addresses. The British Open is renamed the Tiger Cup. The PGA logo is changed to a silhouette of Tiger fist-pumping. He goes down as the consensus best athlete of all time. And if that weren't enough, he lives to become the oldest ever American, finally dying from heat stroke during a marathon at the age of 121. He is survived by 27 children mothered by 26 women.


NCAA Basketball Tournament

Baylor wins the women's tournament. Kansas wins the men's.

Culture News

Good Riddance, Chief Wahoo

The Cleveland Indians will no longer feature the racist logo and caricature of Native Americans on their uniforms, concluding a dark chapter in the sport's history.

Credit: Cleveland.com

After nearly 70 years, the most ridiculously racist logo in American sports is kaput.

Just before Thanksgiving, the Cleveland Indians unveiled their 2019 uniforms without Chief Wahoo, finally throwing the infamous Native American caricature into the dumpster fire of history. It was fitting irony that Chief Wahoo's last game on a Cleveland uniform was on Indigenous People's Day, as the Indians were swept out of the playoffs by the Houston Astros.

Chief Wahoo has been a black mark on America's pastime for many years now, similar to past baseball shames like the Color Line, the Black Sox scandal, or PED use. The logo debuted in 1947, and for 71 years it lingered on, drawing comparisons to the racist caricatures of black people from the 19th century.

Let's Go Tribe

I'm not an Indians fan, nor do I have any connection to Cleveland, so I can't speak to the fanbase's reaction to the logo's demise. But I can tell you what the logo meant to me as a baseball fan. In seventh grade, I learned about the United States' treatment of its indigenous people and the debate over Native American mascots. I recall being viscerally upset about Chief Wahoo. By the time I was a teenager, I was well aware of the mascot's status as a demeaning depiction of Native Americans based on harmful stereotypes.

To this day, whenever I see Wahoo's grinning, Sambo-like smile, there's always a sharp twinge of embarrassment. What bothered me most, however, was how much its continued existence stood in contrast to the sport's professed values. Baseball fans are always told about the inspirational story of Jackie Robinson and how it represents baseball constantly striving toward inclusivity. That Wahoo remained as long as he did showed the emptiness of those values.

My own disgust towards the logo was most plainly evident during the 2016 World Series. As a Cubs fan since childhood, the Series meant a lot to me, personally. For seven games, I was an emotional wreck, sweating and nail biting on each pitch. It's unlikely anything in my life as a sports fan will surpass the unbridled joy I felt when the curse was broken. It was a moment made so much sweeter, remarking on the fact that the Cubs defeated the Indians and their logo.

Throughout the series, I always hated seeing non-Native Americans in the stands with their faces painted red and adorned with fake headdresses. A small but indelible memory I have during that World Series was in Game 6, when Cubs shortstop Addison Russell slugged a dramatic grand slam. As the ball sailed out to the center field bleachers, I saw a fan brandishing a protest sign reading "No DAPL" — a reference to the struggle against the Dakota Access Pipeline. It was impossible for me not to notice the dichotomy, a team proudly displaying a symbol of historical oppression while members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe were besieged by a water cannon just for standing up to protect their ancestral lands.

What I realized in that moment was what indigenous people themselves had known for decades regarding Chief Wahoo. In the 1970s, indigenous activists protested the logo outside Indians games, and there have been protests every opening day since. They were especially prominent in Cleveland's last two World Series appearances. In 2000, the Penobscot Indian Nation formally called on the team to ditch the logo. Almost two decades later, the public pressure finally worked.

Still, even with Wahoo retired, offensive representations of Native Americans in sports are still too prevalent. After all, Washington's NFL team is still called the "Redskins" and the Atlanta Braves still do the tomahawk chop.

As someone with no tribal ancestry, I feel it's important to take a stand over Native American logos and mascots but to do so without being offended on behalf of indigenous people. It's much more valuable to allow authentic voices to lead the debate.

Even if racist sports logos aren't a life or death issue, as long as names like "Redskins" persist, Native Americans will never have the respect and dignity they deserve in our society. Defenders of these inaccurate and bigoted characters say they honor Native people, but what a poor way to celebrate the original inhabitants of this country. Instead, why not honor indigenous people by learning about the diverse tribal customs and history, celebrating their many contributions, shedding light on the challenges those communities face, and protecting their lands from exploitation?

Baseball's history has been one of progress from racism and discrimination toward equality and inclusion — with many starts and stops along the way. The sport has often been ahead of the rest of the nation on both positive and negative social trends. The major leagues were segregated just as segregation was legally sanctioned, and baseball was integrated years before the passage of the Civil Rights Act. And now, the MLB is ahead of the NFL when it comes to getting rid of offensive caricatures of Native Americans. Baseball fans should relish that the shame of Cleveland's racist logo is a thing of the past.

Good riddance, Chief Wahoo!


Dan is a writer and occasional optimist in this strange, chaotic world. You can follow him on Twitter @danescalona77.



POP⚡DUST | Read More...

Kevin Hart Steps Down as Oscar Host

Jessica Simpson Calls Out Natalie Portman

Kareem Hunt Is a Free Agent, Speaks Out After Assault Video