CULTURE

Sell Your Weekend 2 Ticket — Coachella Has Fallen Off

Is Coachella even worth it anymore? Apparently, the once-must-go music experience has fallen off and 2023’s Weekend 1 proves it.

Is Coachella worth it?

Photo by Andrew Ruiz on Unsplash

On Wednesday, April 19th Frank Ocean announced that he would not appear for his scheduled Weekend 2 set at the Coachella music festival, fans everywhere lost their minds. But after his controversial Weekend 1 performance, most Frank Ocean devotees were not surprised. And given the festival’s declining attention, many claims this is the final nail in the Coachella coffin. So sell your ticket and spend your weekend doing literally anything else — Coachella is dead and Frank Ocean buried it.

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Americangirl.com

Few toys were as imperative to girls' childhoods in the 1990s and 2000s as American Girl dolls.

I vividly remember the excitement I felt when I received my first and only American Girl doll for Christmas when I was nine years old. The character was Molly, an argyle- and glasses-wearing installment of American Girl's historical series and whose storyline took place in the 1940s. Molly's father was stationed as a doctor in England while her mother worked for the Red Cross, so she spent a lot of time with her siblings and housekeeper.

After getting Molly, I'd spend the next couple of years collecting as many of her outfits as possible, while also harboring a precocious fascination with World War II and Nazi Germany. Yes, American Girl dolls were unfortunately expensive and therefore only available to well-off families—but they really taught us history!

Since 1986, the Pleasant Company (now Mattel) has manufactured a rotating cast of historical American Girl dolls, with each one representing a significant decade in American history. The first was Samantha, a wealthy girl growing up in the Edwardian era. Some of the other first American Girl dolls released were Kirsten, a Swedish immigrant; Addy, whose family escaped enslavement during the Civil War; and Josefina, who lived in New Mexico prior to its acquisition by the U.S.

But now I must be the bearer of bad news: American Girl just announced their newest character, whose storyline takes place in 1984.


American Girl is clearly running out of decades, and I feel ancient. This new character is named Courtney Moore, whose primary hobby is playing Pac-Man at the arcade. She comes wearing an acid-wash denim skirt and white leather booties that I must begrudgingly admit are extremely cute. Her accessories include a stick of LipSmackers on a lanyard and a cassette player. Let me spell that out for you: There is an American Girl doll who makes mixtapes.

But honestly, as much as they might've been a status symbol growing up, American Girl dolls did a fantastic job at getting young girls interested in history (even if it means you've been weirdly wanting to visit Auschwitz since you were in second grade). Each doll came with a corresponding series of short chapter books that taught about crucial periods in American history, like the Great Depression and the American Revolution.

American Girl dolls were fairly racially diverse, too. In 2002, they introduced Kaya, a Native American living on a reservation during the 18th century; and in 2016, they released Melody, a Black girl growing up during the Civil Rights movement. (Their Asian representation, however, leaves little to be desired.)

Having an American Girl doll got me way more immersed in the details of World War II than any of my history classes did growing up, and I'm sure my fellow former doll owners could say the same regarding their doll's assigned decade. But, while I personally was not alive in the 1980s, I do realize that the '80s were very recent.

I own clothes from the '80s. I regularly listen to music from the '80s. I have friends who were born in the '80s. I don't recall learning much—if anything—about the '80s while I was in school. And now American Girl is so casually releasing a doll who looks straight out of Stranger Things, as if to personally offend me.

Not to sound like a boomer, but this is the oldest I've felt since...last week, when I remembered there are currently students in college who were born after 9/11. But what terrifies me most is the realization that, logically, the next American Girl doll to be released will correspond with the 1990s, the decade in which I was born. Will she wear Dr. Martens and be radicalized by the music of Nirvana and Bikini Kill? I can only hope.

Top Stories

How to Be a Nepotism Baby

In my next life, I hope I'm born a nepotism baby. In this life, I'll fake it.

Los Angeles, USA - December 01, 2022: Hailey Bieber are seen. selective focus.

Photo by Midary on Shutterstock

I believe the children are our future. I’ve never believed it more than while watching footage of North West at the Jean Paul Gaultier show during Paris Haute Couture Week.

The 9-year-old daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West was front row at several Paris fashion shows this season, rocking a slew of big street style fits. But as much as I adore her style, her hair, her big sunglasses (we’ll get back to this later), nothing was more show-stopping than her viral moment: holding a sign that said “STOP” to the paparazzi.

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CULTURE

This Haunts Me: Justin Timberlake’s Diss Track About Prince

Justin Timberlake's outsized ego really made him think he had license to write a verse about … Prince

Left: Prince // Right: Justin Timberlake

Uncredited/AP/Shutterstock // RMV/Shutterstock

Photos via Shutterstock

It wouldn't be hyperbolic to say that Prince is one of the most influential musicians of all time.

Beyonce credits Prince with taking her to the next level as an artist by recommending she learn to play piano. Lianne La Havas had tea parties with him. Frank Ocean — despite his own almost mythical status — was rendered starstruck just by the sight of him. And countless artists credit Prince's majestic performances and his iconic catalogue as major inspirations.

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CULTURE

Baby THIS is Keke Palmer's Baby

Keke Palmer's baby is here!!!

Live from New York City, it's Keke Palmer

via NBC

I haven't been this jealous of a baby since ... about two weeks ago when Rihanna's unborn child had the best seat (in utero) to watch her Super Bowl Performance. And before that, it was May 2022 when Rihanna gave birth to Fenty, her first child with A$AP Rocky.

So yes, I've been jealous of babies, wishing I lived their goo goo ga ga lives — especially now that Keke Palmer's baby is here.

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Culture News

Louis CK Exposed Himself On Stage and It Wasn’t Very Funny

Louis CK's new set wasn't just offensive. It was straight up bad comedy.

Clip From Louis C.K.'s New Special

via YouTube.com

Comedy is subjective.

Some people enjoy Patton Oswalt, some prefer Jeff Foxworthy, and maybe one person somewhere out there liked Carlos Mencia at some point. But for a long time, many comedy fans could agree that Louis CK was one of the best living comedians on the circuit.

Pre-masturbation scandal, Louis CK's comedy was unparalleled. His sets were expertly timed with thematic through-lines and numerous callbacks. His character - a self-deprecating, bitter but ultimately good-natured middle-aged man - was funny and relatable to a wide demographic. And sure, oftentimes his comedy was offensive, but Louis CK had an incredible knack for imbuing even his edgiest jokes with genuine empathy.

That's why his newest set, performed on December 16th at the Governor's Comedy Club in Long Island, was so surprising. It's not that it was offensive; it's that the entire set was garbage, neither well-crafted nor particularly interesting. It was simply an angry old man making hacky jokes and yelling about how millennials ruined his life.

Standout bits included:

-Suggesting nobody should care what the Parkland survivors have to say because they didn't even get shot

"Testify in front of Congress, these kids, what the fuck? What are you doing? Cause you went to a high school where kids got shot, why does that mean I have to listen to you? Why does that make you interesting? You didn't get shot. You pushed some fat kid in the way and now I gotta listen to you talking?"

This is the one that's making all the headlines. And while it's certainly offensive, and definitely too soon, it's mainly just a really bad joke. If you think the notion of people surviving school shootings by pushing fat kids in the way is funny, you might be a 12-year-old kid. Except probably not, because real 12-year-olds go through school shooting drills and understand that dying in their classroom is an actual possibility, and the best course of action is to barricade rooms. Not "pushing fat kids." The entire joke hinges on the premise that you'll find the idea of a fat kid getting shot to be funny. Ha ha ha! It also suggests that Louis CK has more perspective on the realities of gun violence than a bunch of kids who recently watched their friends get slaughtered in front of them. Hate to break it to you Louie but no, you don't.

-Complaining about having a bad year

"You ever have a whole bad year? You ever have an entire year that sucks - 365 shit cunt days in a row? I mean fuck. You ever have a time that's so shitty it starts to get funny? Like you just don't fucking - after a while you're like fuck. At first you're like ohhh. Then you're like Jesus. Like I lost so much fucking money in a day."

Amazingly, Louis CK managed to avoid any potential introspection in this bit, focusing entirely on the fact that he's had a bad time and lost a lot of money. It comes off as a "poor me" rant, which isn't a great look for a dude who non-consensually jerked off in front of a bunch of young women whose careers he had the power to destroy. Poor Louie, definitely the victim here.

-Ridiculing people who use different gender pronouns

"They're like royalty, telling you how to address them. 'You should address me as they/them because I identify as gender-neutral.' Okay. You should address me as 'there' because I identify as a location and the location is your mother's cunt."

Hey, did you know that non-binary people sometimes ask to be called by different pronouns that make them feel more comfortable in basic interactions? Isn't that weird and strange? Isn't revising pronouns a huge burden on you? Louis CK certainly thinks so. The alt-right and your 80-year-old uncle who has never met a non-binary person in his life would probably agree. The rest of us are way past this.

-A long screed about the penis sizes of various ethnicities, culminating in the assertion that Asian men are actually women

"You know why Asian men have small dicks? 'Cause they're women. They're not dudes. They're all women. All Asians are women. And they have big clits, really big clits, and when they have sex they just stick their clits in each other's pussies and then they procreate using math."

This joke was particularly original, because very few comedians have ever tackled the relationship between penis size and race before. Black people really do have big penises! And Asian men are feminine and not masculine and have vaginas because Asian penises are so small! And Asians love math! Wow, so true! If you really analyze this joke, you'll see that it's funny because blatant racism is apparently hilarious. Old school Louis CK might have pushed this joke even further to ultimately parody the inherent racism at play. Current Louis CK is content with making racist statements and calling them jokes.

-A story about pranking his friend with gay sex

"So I put lipstick up my asshole. And then I say to my friend 'you want to fuck me up the ass?' And he's like 'yeah okay.' He's drunk. All drunk men are gay. So he fucked me up the ass. And then he went home and his wife sees lipstick on his dick and he's got nothing to say. I enjoyed that prank so much."

During the entire recording, one particular audience member is going nuts for Louis CK. He's howling, laughing like a maniac at every joke. At the end of this one, which he loved, he audibly says, "Fucking f*ggot!" This was a particularly enlightening moment of the set because it clearly answers the question that is bound to pop up over and over again if you were a former Louis CK fan listening to his new stuff: "Who is Louis CK trying to appeal to?" The answer is this guy - a dude who hears an overlong, rambling joke about a man convincing his drunk, straight friend to have sex, finds that super hilarious, and audibly says, "fucking f*ggot."

Throughout the entire laughless 50 minute set, a single joke stood out as being in-line with the old Louie - a bit about how his daughter told him she thought comedians were pointless. He rebuts that the only interesting thing about her is that her dad is a comedian. Louis CK's best jokes have always been ones like these, biting, real, and personal. It was almost depressing hearing one like this buried in a set that would have felt at home on Ben Shapiro's podcast.

The worst part is that, considering this is Louis CK's supposed comeback attempt, it could have been great. He could have been introspective, truthfully analyzing how and why he got into the situation he did, mining the darkest parts of himself for the sort of self-deprecating humor he's always been known for. He could have torn himself apart for raw comedy gold. Given his recent status as a sexual deviant and social pariah, he was in a unique position to do exactly that. Instead he punched down, played victim, and pandered to the worst elements of his fanbase. The only running theme was meanness and vitriol.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com



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