FILM

Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend of May 31

King Ghidora is #1 kaiju: CONFIRMED.

Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."

This week, Godzilla smashes scaly monster bods with King Ghidora.

WIDE RELEASE:

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

The plot of Godzilla: King of the Monsters doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is that Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, and King Ghidorah are going to be smashing into each other for two hours, and King Ghidorah is the coolest kaiju, straight-up. This is the Godzilla movie you played out with your toys as a kid and that I still play out as a giant man-child, albeit very gently because all my Godzilla figures are mint-in-box.

Rocketman

Rocketman (2019) - Official Trailer - Paramount Pictureswww.youtube.com

Rocketman is a musical biopic about Elton John's rise to fame. Taron Egerton (Kingsman: The Secret Service) looks great as the larger-than-life musician, and early reviews have praised his performance. The color palette looks bright and vibrant, mirroring Elton John's glittery persona. If you're a fan of Elton John's music (honestly, who isn't?), this looks like one of the better musician biopics in recent years.

Ma

MA - Official Trailerwww.youtube.com

Ma's premise is so stupid. Like, inconceivably stupid. It's a horror movie where the killer is a random lady (Octavia Spencer, way too talented for this) who lets teenagers drink at her house, and the teenagers accept her invitation because apparently, they have never heard of stranger danger. If the entire conflict of a movie can be solved by everyone agreeing not to go to a stranger's house, is that even a conflict? I like terrible movies, though, so I kind of want to see it.

LIMITED RELEASE:

Always Be My Maybe

Always Be My Maybe | Trailer | Netflixwww.youtube.com

Co-written by and starring both Ali Wong and Randall Park (Fresh Off the Boat), Always Be My Maybe is a romantic comedy about two childhood friends who should probably end up together, except one of them is hooking up with Daniel Dae Kim and then Keanu Reeves. Ali Wong is a really great comedian, so it'll probably be pretty funny, and it's always great to see Randall Park getting more work, especially as a leading man. It's on Netflix this weekend, so definitely check it out.

Domino

DOMINO Official Trailer (2019) Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brian De Palma Movie HDwww.youtube.com

Poor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau just can't catch a break. First, his entire character arc was destroyed in the final season of Game of Thrones. Now, he's starring in this absolute clunker. But how can you tell Domino is a clunker without even seeing it? Great question! Normally, action movies put high-octane action scenes in the trailer. Domino decided to go the much less established route and have a man falling very, very slowly from a low roof. Someone, please get Nikolaj Coster-Waldau a new agent.

The 2019 Hellboy reboot was a colossal, $50 million failure. From the script, the story, and the pacing to the special effects, tone, and acting, this movie manages to be terrible in almost every conceivable way.

But let's be fair: it did get some things right. They surely used an expensive camera to shoot the movie, and you can tell because you couldn't see any pixels on the screen. The actors memorized all their lines, and from the looks of it, they fit into their outfits really well. David Harbour, who plays the titular Hellboy, looks very well-fed, so the craft-service situation on set must have been A+. It's nice to know that Milla Jovovich is still able to find work after the Resident Evil series prematurely ended. Her dead, vacant eyes lend themselves perfectly to the role of the Evil Bad Lady #2. Plus, Daniel Dae Kim is hot, so the producers were smart to get him shirtless within the first hour of screen time. We can all be thankful for that. And Sasha Lane was there too! Is she the first clairvoyant millennial with dreadlocks to fight evil in a Hollywood "movie?" Probably. That's fun.

If you've Google'd "Hellboy" at any point recently, you've probably read all this. But here are highlights from five of the most reputable news sources with their take on this shit-pile of a film:

Roger Ebert

- You will never realize how much you need Guillermo del Toro in your life until you see the reboot of "Hellboy."

- "Hellboy" stops being fun when it stops being funny

The New York Times

- …"Hellboy" is a crack pipe of a movie.

- Marshall… directs like a dog at a squirrel convention,

Washington Post

- At one point, Hellboy and his colleagues must fight zombies bursting out of the ground. The actors seem to realize this scene is just filler…

- (Harbour's) dramatic scenes fall curiously flat, and his comic one-liners inspire little more than stony silence.

NBC News

- The new, inexcusable Hellboy movie, was directed — if that's the word I want — by Neil Marshall, whose terrific horror flick "The Descent" suggested that he might be up to the job of making a fun and scary Hellboy movie. He was not.

- "Hellboy" is not even really a movie; it's a launchpad for five different movies that will never get made because no one wants to watch a launchpad for five different movies when they've paid to watch this movie.

The Atlantic

- The end result is an R-rated slog that's heavy on bad attitude and creative dismemberments, and completely missing the humane core of Mignola's original story.

- …this film ends up perfectly laying out the case against its own existence.


Ahmed Ashour is a media writer, tech enthusiast, and college student. He has a Twitter: @aahsure


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