The Mini-Games of "Dead or Alive Xtreme," RANKED
This lecherous series kicked off on this day in 2003
Superfluous anime moans, lewd innuendos, and those famous "jiggle mechanics," Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball is a game series unlike any other.
On this day in 2003, The Dead or Alive series, known for its high-res fighting games, followed-up DOA 3 with a salacious beach simulator. Strictly featuring the female DOA characters of series past, the ladies all slipped into their skimpiest swimwear and oiled up for a series of competitive mini-games on Zack Island, owned by its licentious sole male inhabitant, who is obviously named Zack.
But the most agonizing aspect of DOA's Xtreme trilogy is that the objectifying sim is actually pretty fun. Each entry in the series is undoubtedly more salacious than the last, but it's bothersome how enjoyable the core gameplay remains as the years have gone on. With that being said, it is still a ludicrous series that carries little merit. The main reason one purchases Dead or Alive Xtreme is to listen to digital anime women playfully moan and smack their butts together. Here are all the game's minigames, ranked from least to most absurd.
8. Beach volleyball
The series wouldn't be called Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball without offering some beach volleyball, the tamest and actually most enjoyable of the minigames. In a 2v2 faceoff, you and a buddy can team up and play against other players in a satisfying game.
The mechanics actually move well here, even though there isn't much to them. Players can spike the ball but in terms of specialty moves that remains the only one. If the controls had more depth, and more co-op combos to initiate with your partner, a stand-alone DOA volleyball game would actually be quite enjoyable.
7. Gambling
One of the main objectives in DOA Xtreme is to rack up money and develop relationships with the other women on the island. In that regard, gambling moments like Blackjack and the slot machines are (mostly) devoid of sexual content and instead are just fun gambling simulators that take a surprising amount of skill and luck to succeed. Not to mention, if you hit the jackpot, you get to see a girl of your choice sensually pole dance a routine of your choosing.
6. Pool Hopping
It's true that those jiggle mechanics are fully in bloom in Xtreme's pool hopping mini-game, but hear me out. When played with a friend, the game is actually fast-paced and surprisingly competitive. One misstep can cost you the game no matter how far ahead you are, and if both players are on the money, then it's anyone's race right from the get-go. Fast-paced and rewarding, pool hopping is one of the better mini-games offered in the Xtreme series.
5. Tug of War
Timing is everything in the tug of war mini-game, and fast reflexes are the only way you can win. Luckily, it's not a one-and-done tug and pull. A few sharp tugs will cause a player to stumble, but quick reflexes can turn the tide of the game in a second. But chances are if you bought Xtreme, you actually want to see your girl loose and end up in the water, sigh.
4. Rock Climbing
A slow and monotonous mini-game offered in Xtreme 3, to win at rock climbing the player merely has to hit the correct button at the right time. While in some instances that might be challenging, players need not worry. The ladies move so slowly it's nearly impossible to fall off. Rock climbing is near the top of this absurd list because its only purpose is to watch moaning, half-naked anime girls scale up a mountain.
3. Beach Flags
This 1 0-second mini-game solely exists to watch these anime ladies bounce and run down the beach for a sec. It's not very competitive, pretty much whoever rips away from the start-line first will win, and it's over in a flash. It's frankly a pretty absurd and useless mini-game.
2. Butt Battle
The most ludicrous game mode in DOA Xtreme, two girls of your choosing compete to knock one another off the floating platform into the pool, with their glutei maximi. The sole purpose of this mini-game is to watch digitally constructed women clap their cheeks together and fall in the water as they moan in defeat. The mini-game is problematic in so many ways, but we'll save that for another article.
1. Relaxing
Of course, if one wants to just ogle at anime women all day, they can do that too. The "Relax" option basically takes a woman of your choosing and has her lounge in various sexual ways around the beach. That's it. You just watch as they relax and sometimes touch themselves.
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