And also Jason was a cyborg.
It's Friday the 13th, which seems like a particularly good time to ask the burning question that's been on my mind for quite a while now: Remember that time they made Friday the 13th, but in space?
There are a lot of really bad horror movie sequels that seem to totally miss every possible aspect of whatever it was that made the original great, like Jaws II, which features an inane premise about a different shark seeking revenge over the death of the first shark from Jaws. There are also some surprisingly great horror sequels, like Wes Craven's New Nightmare, which sees a "real" Freddy Kreuger terrorizing the actors from the original Nightmare on Elm Street in what ultimately functions as a meta-commentary on the genre. But then there's Jason X, and I honestly have no idea what to make of it.
The original Friday the 13th came out in 1980 and featured an incredibly simple premise: A masked killer murders teen counselors at a summer camp. That's pretty much it. There was a twist––the killer is alleged to be the vengeful zombie(?) of a deformed boy named Jason who drowned in the camp lake over 20 years ago, but it's really his mom!––but overall, Friday the 13th was a grounded slasher film. The weapons were mainly crap from around camp, like arrows and axes. The kills were mostly realistic.
That said, ten sequels change a franchise. In the second movie, Friday the 13th Part 2, the grown up Jason (he never really died!) took over his mom's role as the killer. In the sixth movie, Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives, Jason actually becomes an invincible zombie. In the eighth movie, Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason...takes Manhattan. So naturally, in the tenth movie, Jason X, Jason needs to go to space. Except, wait. What?
New Line Cinema
Like, I get Jason going to Manhattan. Camp Crystal Lake is in New Jersey, so that's basically a bus ride. Heck, I even understand Jason going to hell in the 9th movie, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (which it clearly was not, by the way). By that point, the franchise had already established supernatural zombie powers for Jason, so him being dragged to hell wasn't TOO far out. But f*cking outer space?
Jason X doesn't really have a plot. It's more like a circus of convoluted stupidity that results in Jason getting cryogenically frozen, launched into space 445 years later, then unfrozen and turned into a cyborg. While the first movie sported deaths like, "guy gets shot with arrows," Jason X has ones like "girl gets her face frozen with liquid nitrogen and then shattered." Also, this is a direct quote from Wikipedia: "Jason easily defeats KM-14 by punching her head off." KM-14 is an android, by the way.
Liquid nitrogen death scene - Jason X www.youtube.com
It's also pertinent to mention that the original Friday the 13th had ten character deaths total, which included the two kids in the "22 years ago" background portion and Jason's mom at the end of the movie. Jason X had a metric sh*t ton. A character literally got killed roughly once every 3.64 minutes. That is to say, space Jason is less a slasher and more a one-man genocide.
Part of me wants to believe that Jason X is actually a clever, self-aware commentary on the nature of horror sequels, and how for a series to continue past a certain point it needs to become absurd. If that were the case, Jason X would succeed with flying colors, stretching the absurdity of slasher films to such an extreme that it ends up feeling more like an action movie than horror. Maybe Jason X is even offering insight into the movie industry as a whole, almost like an anti-sequel PSA.
Similarly, when Jason kind of lifts up his attractive female victim's shirt in the nitrogen death scene, maybe that was a directorial choice to expose the male gaze through which the vast majority of horror films view their female characters, even during moments of trauma. After all, the scene was so blatantly sexualized, in such stark contrast from the gruesome nature of the attack, that it couldn't actually have been intended as "hot," right?Or maybe I'm giving this way too much thought, and the only reason this movie exists is that they needed to make a new sequel and some dude thought, "Know what would be cool? Friday the 13th, but in space!"
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One Texas couple became a meme after they went 18 minutes without shredded cheese on their fajitas. What could be worse?
Karens. Even if you don't know them by name, you know who they are.
Karens have been asking to speak to managers all over American suburbia ever since Kate Gosselin debuted her infamous reverse-mullet on Jon and Kate Plus 8 in 2007. "Karens"—the collective nickname for middle-aged entitled white women who love nothing more than being pains in your ass—have been walking among us for quite some time, but as shelter-in-place orders and mask mandates have taken over the world, the presence of Karens has become even more apparent.
Last weekend, a Karen went viral in a since-deleted Tweet for a reason only Karens would empathize with. Jason Vicknair, a 40-year-old man from Allen, Texas, was just trying to enjoy his first date night out in three months with his wife at a Tex-Mex restaurant called Mi Cocina. Things took a turn for the worse.
The original A Quiet Place had a lot of plot holes.
A Quiet Place Part II, the sequel to John Krasinki's 2017 hit horror/thriller A Quiet Place, is coming out later this month.
But while the original put audiences on edge with its pervasive use of silence, the movie ultimately fell victim to a number of plot holes that made it hard to stay fully immersed. Since the concept of A Quiet Place (monsters that hunt through sound, resulting in the protagonists' need to stay quiet at all times) has so much potential, here are the biggest issues we hope get fixed in the sequel.
The Monsters' Sense of Hearing
One of the biggest plot holes in the film revolves around the strength of the monsters' hearing. We catch a glimpse of a newspaper clipping explaining that the monsters' blindness enhances their super-hearing, but how powerful is their hearing, really? If the monsters are able to hear a branch being broken from miles away, shouldn't they also be able to hear the heartbeats of all of the human characters? Wouldn't it be especially hard for them not to hear the heartbeat of the mother, Evelyn, as she literally gives birth? Maybe they're able to selectively control their hearing. That would be interesting to explore in A Quiet Place Part II.
Speaking of the newborn, the extreme irresponsibility of having a child in the middle of an apocalyptic event almost goes beyond any notion of sense. Sure, it's reasonable to want to relieve some stress during a time of crisis, but they had to know that there might be consequences. Also, there's no way the baby would survive until the sequel, considering how much they cry. Crying is a baby's defense mechanism, so babies are basically natural prey for sound-hunting monsters. Including the baby might be a nice way to amp up the emotional weight of the film, but it weighs the family down beyond any point of realism.
Beating the Beast
In the climax of the film, Emily uses her deaf daughter, Regan's cochlear implant to stun the monster, giving her the opportunity to kill it. But if disarming the monster is as simple as making high-frequency noises, this begs the question: Why was no one able to figure out that loud noises harmed the monsters before? Shouldn't this be common knowledge? It's safe to assume that there were scientists in their world at one point, so were they all just killed before they could come to the correct conclusion? Hopefully in the sequel, they'll have perfected the use of high frequency weapons in creative capacities.
If the family knew the location of a waterfall that drowned out sound so well that it made human screams inaudible, why didn't they just live near it in the first place? Even if the monsters used it as their watering hole, which we have no reason to believe they did, the humans could still just stay out of their way or maybe even sneak up and kill them if given the chance. That makes a lot more practical sense than living in an open field where any sound would almost definitely echo. No reason was ever given as to why that area might be uninhabitable, so it's insane to think that they could've been totally safe and hydrated but for some reason decided against it.
A Quiet Place became a success due to its ability to build suspense based on the silence, but hopefully the sequel can include what worked in the original while ironing out some of the more glaring issues..A Quiet Place Part II will be released March 20, 2020.
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