Culture Feature

Because Dean Cain Sucks: MAGA Superman Is Dead

Dean Cain is no longer allowed to have anything to do with Superman. We're retconning him out.

Dean Cain appearing at the "Hollywood Show"

By Kathy Hutchins (Shutterstock)

Update:This week Dean Cain was on Fox News, complaining about "wokeness and anti-Americanism" in the recent Ta-Nehisi Coates-led Captain America comics, which featured Captain America decrying the way marginalized Americans are often sold a dream before they're "handed a raw deal."

Never mind the fact that Captain America has a long history of this kind of criticism, or the fact that Dean Cain praises America for "constantly striving for a more perfect union" — an effort that is literally impossible without vocal criticism of the nation's flaws. The more important point is that Cain has no authority to speak on superheroes, because we already erased him from Superman history.

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters? More Like King of the Clunkers

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a Godzilla movie that genuinely seems to hate Godzilla movies.

Imagine two gigantic monsters are duking it out in front of you.

What's the most interesting perspective from which to show the battle? A wide shot so you can see the totality of their scaly dinosaur bodies? An overhead angle for scale? Or perhaps a close-up of the elemental blasts exploding from their mouths? If you answered, “Some guy on the ground yelling for his daughter, because why would anyone even want to see a kaiju fight?" then congratulations, you're Godzilla: King of the Monsters director Michael Dougherty.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters isn't just bad; it's aggressively bad. It's so bad that the audience during my screening reached a point where they were collectively laughing at serious lines––like when Vera Farmiga, in a career-low performance, claims she's “never been more sane" after the most stereotypical “humans are really the bad guys, so I'm committing genocide" speech in movie history.

Speaking of which, Godzilla is chock full of famous faces giving terrible performances. There's Charles Dance (Game of Thrones), Sally Hawkins (The Shape of Water), Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights), Ken Watanabe (The Last Samurai), Millie Bobby Brown (Stranger Things) and many, many more. They all play generic scientists and doctors and ecoterrorists and who-gives-a-craps, and nothing any of them do matters in the slightest. Seriously, I would give you a breakdown of the movie's plot, but it barely has one. Some crazy scientist lady (Vera Farmiga) awakens the three-headed dragon King Ghidora and then a bunch of ill-defined human characters track Godzilla's location on a monitor and update the audience on both monsters' locations.

The script boils down to a carousel of actors stating what Godzilla is doing at any given moment, instead of, you know, showing us Godzilla. Oh, you thought Godzilla: King of the Monsters was actually going to be about cool monster fights? Hah! This is a movie about meetings. Every now and then they'll take a break to make an awful joke or announce that a machine is broken, inevitably leading to an unending series of “fix the machine" sidequests. The dialogue is so painfully on-the-nose that it's almost hard to believe a human wrote it instead of a robot programmed to bore viewers to death. I genuinely can't think of a worse movie script without getting into The Room territory.

But, surely, the actual monster fights must be good, right? Eh. The fights have some cool moments, but unfortunately they're all plagued by poorly composed, action-obscuring angles and constant cuts to whatever bland conversations the various generic humans are having at the same time. The fights are lackluster at best and imperceptible at worst, aside from a few cool shots of Mothra, one awesome scene where King Ghidora drops Godzilla from the sky, and a welcome appearance by Burning Godzilla. Two dudes in Godzilla costumes can and have had far more visually impressive fights than anything this movie manages with a massive CGI budget.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a Godzilla movie that genuinely seems to hate Godzilla movies, as well as Godzilla movie fans and movies, in general. And yet, I enjoyed watching it. It wasn't so bad that it was good. It was really, really bad. But it was bad in that collective way where everyone watching realized it was so bad, so quickly, that we embraced its badness with glee.

Rating: ⚡/5

Film Lists

7 Movies to Look Forward to in 2019 (That Aren't from Comic Books)

Look, "Pokémon: Detective Pikachu" looks like it could be really, really bad; but a true pokemon fan shouldn't care at this point.


Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

From new seasons of binge-worthy favorites to horrible reboots of reality TV, 2019 will bring some of our dreams and nightmares to the small screen.

On the silver screen, this year will bring a record-breaking number of superhero movies to theaters. But a windfall of new features from masterminds like James Cameron, M. Night Shyamalan, and J.J. Abrams are also slated for release. Here are seven upcoming films on which to pin all your hopes for the future of cinema:

1. Alita: Battle Angel

Release date: February 14

Most of America had probably never heard of Alita: Battle Angel before the teaser trailer dropped a little over a year ago, but heck, the visuals look darn good. Apparently this film has been a passion project of James Cameron's for years, as the director first announced it was going into development in 2003. The movie was held up due to Cameron's work on Avatar, and after proving his talent with some impressive rewrites, the reigns were handed to action film auteur Robert Rodriguez. This movie looks like an epic cyberpunk sci-fi classic in the making.

2. Us

Release date: March 22

Get Out was a perfect horror movie, and no one saw it coming. Us gives us the return of Jordan Peele as writer and director, and this time we're ready for it from the get-go. The trailer is a work of marketing genius, notably taking the Northern California hip-hop classic by Luniz, "I Got 5 On It," and weaving it into a haunting, ambient backdrop. The twist of the film seems to have already been revealed in all of the trailers, but for brevity: a family moves to a new beachfront home in California and are soon visited by shadowy figures. The film seems more like a straight-forward slasher film than the psychologically stimulating Get Out, and everyone should be pumped.

3. Glass

Release date: January 18

Okay, okay, so this is kind of a comic book movie—but not really! M. Night made these guys up all on his own, and as a sequel to his beloved sleeper-hit Unbreakable and Split, we should all be excited. It's uncharted territory for both the fans and M. Night himself, so we're all in this together. The trailers have been hyping the movie for months, and the cast is brimming with fan favorites, like the unparalleled Sarah Paulson, the ghoulishly talented James McAvoy, and the legend himself, Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, and Bruce Willis looks like he'll be in this too, but who knows if he'll be acting, or just kind of…there. Check out the trailer below.

4. Star Wars IX

Release date: December 20

Can the Star Wars sequel trilogy be redeemed from the abysmal fan response to The Last Jedi? Well, Disney scrapped the underdog director strategy and put the King of Cliffhangers, JJ Abrams, back in the saddle, so at least we know we're going to get something we're used to. Promotional material for this final chapter in the trilogy has been sparse, and the beloved main characters from the original trilogy are effectively un-reprisable. At this point, the fans are all just wondering what could possibly be next. Well, one bit of good news is we're getting the original Lando back!

5. Pet Sematary

Release date: April 5

Of all the horror movies that have been rebooted in the last 10 years, none has better deserved a revamp than Pet Sematary. The remake looks dark, eerie, chilling, and refined. From the trailer, Jason Clarke seems to bring a much more nuanced approach to the character of Louis Creed, and it also looks like they've done away with the distasteful element of the "ancient Indian burial ground." As far as horror movie remakes go, this one looks like it's worth the facelift.

6. Godzilla: King of Monsters

Release date: May 31

Alright, almost everyone in America was monstrously disappointed by the 2014 Godzilla reboot. The pacing was sluggish, and we didn't get any of that sweet, sweet Godzilla action until the last 15 minutes of the movie. Well, the producers at Warner Brothers heard our pleas and answered with Godzilla: King of Monsters. With two trailers promising epic monster brawls and dramatic existential conflicts, both the hardcore and casual Godzilla fan should be excited.

7. Pokémon: Detective Pikachu

Release date: May 10

If you were born in the 90's and had a halfway decent childhood, odds are you played a lot of Pokemon growing up. For us now-adult poke-fans, the idea of a live-action, feature-length film starring our favorite magical monsters seemed to be relegated to the world of cheap but excellent fanfiction. But no more. Our dreams have been made real, with the confusing (and potentially disastrous) casting of Ryan Reynolds as everyone's favorite electric mouse, Pikachu. It looks like it could be really, really bad; but a true pokemon fan shouldn't care at this point. We just want to see Pokemon in the real world - if we have to suffer through Reynold's annoying yammering for an hour and a half, so be it.

Ahmed is a media writer, tech enthusiast, and college student. He has a Twitter: @aahsure

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BOX OFFICE BREAKDOWN | What's coming to theaters this weekend?

FEBRUARY 23RD-25TH | Scare your pants off and enjoy the best super natural stories

GAME NIGHT - Official Trailer

Be prepared to travel to worlds unknown this weekend when these films hit the big screen.

In Popdust's column, Box Office Breakdown, we aim to inform you of the top flicks to check out every weekend depending on what you're in the mood to enjoy. Looking to laugh? What about have your pants scared off? Maybe just need a little love? Whatever the case may be, we have it.

Take a peek at our top picks for this week...

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