Twelve years before Justin Bieber dropped his debut album, My World, and shook the tween universe with his side-swept bangs, there was Aaron Carter.

The younger brother of Backstreet Boy's heartthrob Nick Carter, Aaron was responsible for some of the most iconic hits of 2000, from "Aaron's Party (Come Get It)" and "That's How I Beat Shaq" to his overplayed cover of The Strangelove's "I Want Candy." Carter arguably "paved the way" for today's tween pop stars like Bieber to become cultural phenomenons.

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The only thing more American than apple pie is a nip slip.

Or in this case, bottom slips. On August 29th, Farrah Abraham of Teen Mom fame accidentally showed more skin than planned on the red carpet for the screening of Ad Astra. Her floral-print ball gown by French designer Christophe Guillarme featured a thigh-high slit that made it clear Abraham had opted to attend the premiere sans undergarments. You might think that in this age of sexual freedom, skimpy outfits, photo leaks, and body positivity, we'd be past making a big deal out of something as run of the mill as a skirt revealing more than intended. But the incident immediately made headlines, overshadowing the premiere and causing a stir on social media. She later posted a picture on Instagram.

F A R R A H A B R A H A M on Instagram: “Your going to love #adastra ! Great movie for father’s & Sons, those who enjoy #nasa space and the purpose of living life to its fullest.…”

Interestingly, the reality star had a similar "accident" at last year's Cannes Film Festival, and video later showed that the crotch-shot was intentional. Commenters on Abraham's Venice Instagram were not going to let her forget it.

One person wrote: "So you had to flash your vag just like you did at the Cannes? Pretty sad that's how you choose to keep your name in the tabloids. At each event you were clearly pulling your dress to flash everyone your vag." Another said, "Farrah 101 for when you're an irreverent wannabe...of course we flash our cooter...oooops I mean 'wardrobe malfunction'...you've got to be one of the most desperate people I've ever seen...and all in the presence of poor Sophia...such a roll model."

If the "malfunction" was in fact intentional, one has to admit that if the goal was free publicity, it was a savvy move. If you Google "celebrity wardrobe malfunction," 32,100,000 results appear immediately. Admit it, you can't name who won the 2004 super bowl, you probably can't even say for sure which teams played, but you absolutely remember the exact instant during the half time show when Janet Jackson showed America more than her killer dance moves.

The iconic wardrobe malfunction made headlines everywhere, throwing the game into the background. Or maybe you remember when Chrissy Teigen didn't account for the breeze and accidentally showed off her immaculately waxed undercarriage. Or the famous instance of Britney Spears exiting a car without any underwear on. So why are people vilifying Abraham for merely giving the people what they want?

Why do we care so much about glimpses of usually covered human anatomy? Why do we find nip slips and accidental cr*tch shots more titillating than images of bare bodies that are readily available online or even in movies? What is the undeniable appeal of an outfit going rogue?

The truth is that we love seeing someone's body without their explicit consent.

People are so riled up about Abraham's manufactured malfunction because knowing it was intentional takes away much of the appeal. And that's pretty f*cked up.

As we take baby steps towards becoming a society that prioritizes consent, we have to realize that reveling in wardrobe malfunctions can't be a part of that better future. The human body isn't inherently sexual or scandalous, and it's never okay to look at someone's naked body if they don't mean to show it to you. It's 2019: Aren't we a different society than we were when n*pple gate shook our worlds? Isn't it time to stop treating the human body like a spectacle? Maybe, instead of shaming Farrah Abraham for merely capitalizing on an American perversion, we should take a look inwards and think about why we're still so fascinated by wardrobe malfunctions—and what exactly that says about us.

MUSIC

Not Everyone Should Have a Music Career: The 10 Worst Celebrity Songs

Just because someone can act, that does not mean they can sing.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

All too often, when a celebrity's head gets too big for their own good, their inflated brain decides they have what it takes to have a music career.

Technically, they're right––the only thing anyone actually needs to produce an album is cold, hard cash. But all the money in the world can't buy musical talent, which is why pretty much every celebrity album is screaming ear cancer. Come delight in making fun of people who are so wealthy that they fail to realize they have zero musical ability. These celebrity songs are truly the worst of the worst:

Jeremy Renner - Heaven Don't Have a Name

If anyone ever had a fever dream where Hawkeye from the Avengers sang a ripoff of Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive" that was somehow worse than "Radioactive," we're sorry to inform them that their nightmare has become a reality.

Heaven Don't Have a Name www.youtube.com

Brie Larson - She Said

Brie Larson's horrendous attempt at an Avril impression features inspired lyrics like "La dee da, la dee dee," along with a really poor Napoleon Dynamite impersonator in the music video.

Brie Larson - She Said (Radio Edit) www.youtube.com

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)

While "daddy issues" may be a sexist trope at this point, it's hard to describe Lindsay Lohan's music as indicative of anything else. "Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)" is less a "song" and more a "desperate cry for help."

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father) www.youtube.com

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World

Based on sound alone, Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World is honestly pretty generic pop. But this music video...just wow. It's about a little, toad-faced, creeper kid who gets straight up abused at school and then goes home to spy on his hot adult neighbor (Paris Hilton, of course) while she undresses. Then she grinds on him a bunch in her underwear. This is horrifying because he's like 13-year-old, max.

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World www.youtube.com

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

"Respect Yourself" is kind of like Aretha Franklin's "Respect" except instead of being sung by one of the most talented vocalists to ever live, it's sung by action star Bruce Willis and also has kind of weird religious undertones.

Respect Yourself ~ Bruce Willis www.youtube.com

Steven Seagal - Girl It's Alright

Steven Seagal has been hit with multiple accusations of sexual assault over the years, and this song is not helping his case at all.

Stiven Seagal "Girl it's alright" www.youtube.com

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

If Gwyneth Paltrow's "Country Strong" were revealed to be a parody of country music that she made solely because she despises poor people and anything that might interest them, it would be easy to believe.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong www.youtube.com

Heidi Montag - Blackout

Heidi Montag writhing around a pool in a bikini while shouting crappy, off-key, bubblegum pop directly into a camera is somehow the pinnacle of both blandness and grossness at the same time.

Heidi Montag - Blackout (Official Video) www.youtube.com

Robert Downey Jr. - Man Like Me

To Robert Downey Jr.'s credit, these vocals are raw, untouched by fancy audio effects that might possibly make his voice anything close to listenable. Because truly, his vocals are unlistenable. This is homeless man singing on the subway bad.

Robert Downey Jr. sings "Man like Me" www.youtube.com

Hulk Hogan - I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac

Okay, now this is epic. Hulk Hogan's "I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac" transcends the good-bad binary. It is a portal to another era, a simpler time when maybe someone really did want to be a "Hulkamaniac" but wasn't sure how to make that dream a reality. Luckily, Hulk Hugan was there to talk-rap instructions, encouraging listeners to take vitamins, say no to drugs, and have fun with family and friends. This actually might be the best celebrity song ever.

Hulk Hogan- I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac www.youtube.com

TV

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club Is a Greek Tragedy

Lindsay Lohan stars in this classic Greek drama.

What if, for just a moment, we take the premise of Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club seriously?

In this brave story of triumph and redemption, Lindsay Lohan, former alcoholic, drug abuser, and disgraced teen idol behind Herbie Fully Loaded, has finally gotten clean. At only 32, she's not too old to start again. She's picked up the pieces of her shattered life and moved to Mykonos, an Island off the coast of Greece. There, she's redirected her passion for entertainment, opening her own venue where she can bring joy to others without needing to dwell in the spotlight — this is Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club.

But Lindsay Lohan can't do it alone. Recovery and new beginnings mean having others to support you along the way. Luckily, Lindsay has the help of her new Athenian best friend, Panos, who has taken it upon himself to bring in the best VIP nightclub hosts from all across "the hottest US cities" to help make sure her beach club runs like clockwork.

"The VIP hosts to me are not just hosts. They're ambassadors to the Lohan brand. They have to be the best," Lohan tells Panos, desperation coloring her inflection.

"The best of the best," Panos promises, assuring her that these hosts will not only be great at their jobs in every capacity - they'll be gorgeous, fun, and master salespeople to boot. Yes, with these VIP hosts on the floor, Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club will be the talk of the island. No, more than that. A destination.

Lindsay can barely contain her excitement. She's finally on the verge of something great. She trusts Panos implicitly. She hasn't felt this hopeful since her Disney days, back when she was fresh-faced, wide-eyed, and naive to the evils of stardom. Most people don't get second chances. In that sense, she's lucky. Just as long as this club is successful, she's going to build an empire.

Except there's a problem. Every single "best VIP host" Panos has found is a complete moron - a real group of fuck-ups. There's Brent, a bronzed meathead who brags about getting fired from past jobs for "slaying" all the waitresses; Jules, a woman who asks her dog if she should "be a little slut"; and don't forget Mike, a loud Italian guy who gets bread stuck in his butt.

This is Panos' dream team. And considering a business owner is only as good as the people around them, Lindsay Lohan and her beach club are in a lot of trouble.

But Lindsay Lohan doesn't know this yet. How could she?

And so the "best of the best" hosts arrive, flown out from America to Lindsay Lohan's property, the place she's invested with her hopes and dreams for a better life. She gives them a chance to get settled in their rooms, but finally her excitement gets the best of her and she goes to greet them.

Imagine Lindsay Lohan's horror when she meets her new employees for the first time, top talents hand-picked by her best friend and confidant, only to discover a group of shit-faced buffoons. They must have known she'd be coming. Was this an insult? A power play? Yet another "fuck you" from a fuck you ridden life? These people are trying to ruin her future, and she won't let it happen. Not again.

So she tells them off. And sure, Lindsay Lohan entering the scene and immediately freaking out might rehash some old stereotypes. But can anyone really blame her this time? After all, this is her chance. Her vision. Her money and future. It's all on the line. So she'll play the part. She tells one of the girls, Gabi, to dye her blue hair pink because the Beach Club DJ already has blue hair. That's what they need. A display of dominance. She'll play the bitch today, so tomorrow they'll fall in line.

Then, on the first day of work, Brent fucks one of Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club's VIP guests while on the clock and starts drama with the other staff. But it's too late now. Brent, with his penis out in the ocean, outsells everyone. Lindsay Lohan comes to the horrible realization that Brent — this totally unabashedly sexist piece of shit who openly hates women — is the best she has.

Lindsay Lohan watches her dreams and future sink into the sandy shores of Mykonos. Her best friend, Panos, is a fraud. She's surrounded by idiots who "don't have what it takes."

Then again, she's still Lindsay Lohan, star of Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap. She's made it this far. She's overcome so much. She'll be damned if some guy from New Jersey who puts bread in his ass crack is going to ruin that.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com



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The Most—and Least—Anticipated TV Shows Coming in 2019

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TV Lists

The Most—and Least—Anticipated TV Shows Coming in 2019

Lindsay Lohan will open a beach club as a 32-year-old trainwreck, and a reboot of Temptation Island will air on USA because the network doesn't care if the American public suffers.

Entertainment Weekly

With January giving us the 2nd longest government shutdown and a depressing Dick Cheney biopic nominated as a Golden Globe Comedy, we need 2019 to be a good year for escapist TV.

After HBO released its new teaser at the Golden Globes, no one should have to leave their house this winter. HBO will deliver new seasons of fan obsessions like Game of Thrones and Big Little Lies, while NBC will resurrect the much-mourned Brooklyn Nine-Nine, adding its sixth season to its Thursday night lineup. Meanwhile, networks like MTV and and the CW are slated to debut more shows that assault common decency and bully America with celebrity misbehavior and melodramatic teenagers played by thirty-year-olds.

Here are the most–and least–anticipated shows of 2019:

Most Anticipated TV Shows

Here's Your First Look at Game of Thrones, Euphoria, Watchmen & Big Little Lies #HBO2019 youtu.be

Game of Thrones (HBO) April 2019

BGR

According to the teaser, Jon Snow will bring Daenerys to Winterfell. Sansa Stark will give her a steely, "Winterfell is yours, your grace." Season 8 will premiere in April and continue the saga of the Northern Lands.

Big Little Lies (HBO) Unconfirmed, 2019

Harper's Bazaar

Meryl Streep will join the already illustrious cast of Academy Award winning women. In season 2, Streep will take on the role of Celeste Wright, the mother-in-law of Nicole Kidman's character.

True Detective (HBO) January 13, 2019

Vox

Mahershala Ali will join the cast as Wayne Hays, a state police detective from Arkansas. The third season will investigate a crime in the Ozarks over a span of three decades. Hopefully it'll be a return to form.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NBC) January 10, 2019

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 6

EW

The fan favorite will return this Thursday at 9PM with a reduced season of 18 episodes. Was Holt made police commissioner? How are Jack and Amy as newlyweds? This will also be Chelsea Peretti's last season, with mystery surrounding the circumstances of her character's exit.

Stranger Things (Netflix) July 4, 2019

Den of Geek

The third season of the streaming sensation will premiere on Independence Day with a premiere episode that Netflix President Cindy Holland promises is "worth the wait." The show's creators have teased that the upcoming season is " bigger and better than last year."


Least Anticipated TV Shows

1. Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club (MTV) January 8, 2019

Lindsay LohanStarcasm

Lohan aims for a comeback as the 32-year-old (former?) trainwreck opens a beach club in Mykonos. Watch as she hires hosts, bartenders, and bottle servers but gives them the title of "ambassadors." It will probably be bland and cringe-worthy, but with Lohan's applicants saying lines like, "If I knew I was going to meet Lindsay, of course I would have put on clothes," it might sate your 2019 craving for guilty pleasure TV.

2. Temptation Island (USA) January 15, 2019

Original 2001 promo posterTMZ

It's a reboot of the 2001 garbage hit from the first generation of reality shows, because USA network apparently doesn't care if the American public suffers.


3. The Hills: New Beginnings (MTV) October 15, 2019

Original The HillsDaily Mail

Another reboot of a reality show that depressed 90s kids, this horror show will feature Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's son, who's somehow 22 years old. Also awful: Mischa Barton will be returning.

4. Roswell, New Mexico (CW) January 15, 2019

Original show promoStream on Demand

In yet another reboot of a 90s series, this one features more of CW's bread and butter: attractive teenagers misbehaving–but this time one's a space alien.

5. Rodents of Unusual Size (PBS) January 14, 2019

PBS

Louisiana's plagued by giant swamp rats. PBS calls this "a real-life horror 'tail.'" Run for your life.


Meg Hanson is a Brooklyn-based writer, teacher and jaywalker. Find Meg at her website and on Twitter @megsoyung.


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Bios

Lindsay Lohan

All you need to know.

Full Name: Lindsay Dee Lohan

Date of Birth: July 2, 1986

Born: New York City, NY

Occupation: Actress, singer, designer, business owner

Status: Single

Children: 0

wstale.com

She's a former child star who's still making headlines. Perhaps not always for the best reasons, but Lindsay Lohan never fails to keep us interested, intrigued, and amazed. Whether she's acting or acting out, Lohan always makes for titillating tabloid news, the gift that keeps on giving for gossip columns. She has been praised for her work but panned for her behavior. Here's more about the Mean Girls star and why she's endlessly entertaining.

Early Start

therandomnessisall.files.wordpress.com

Fans got to first know Lohan when she won us over as the young star of The Parent Trap. Her adorable looks and natural talent were made for the movies. She was signed as a Ford Model too, breaking into the biz from multiple angles. Before long, Lohan was a full-fledged movie star with films including Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, and Herbie: Fully Loaded, getting rave reviews and earning her a spot on the A-list as the "it girl" of the decade. She began to record music too. Fame was her fortune and the New Yorker was a Hollywood heavyweight.

Clothing and Clubbing

sharenator.com

As a famous face and sometimes model, Lohan was booked to pose for some high-end designers like Jill Stuart and Miu Miu. Her natural beauty and popularity were the perfect mix for eye-catching ads to sell chic clothing. Soon Lohan created her own fashion brand, 6126, which started with something as simple as leggings, eventually growing into an elaborate line. Ever the entrepreneur, fast forward to today and Lohan's opening clubs in Greece. With a resume like hers, trying to wonder what Lohan will do next is a roll of the dice. But she's never hesitant to take a chance and follow her gut.

Lohan's Looks

Over the years, Lohan has changed her look, be it to follow trends or go out on a limb. Here are some of her most interesting and attractive fashion moments.


Melissa A. Kay is a New York-based writer, editor, and content strategist. Follow her work on Popdust as well as sites including TopDust, Chase Bank, P&G, Understood.org, The Richest, GearBrain, The Journiest, Bella, TrueSelf, Better Homes & Gardens, AMC Daycare, and more.


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