Culture Feature

7 New Year's Resolutions for America to Get Its S**t Together in 2021

We're crossing our fingers that the US finally found its rock bottom in 2020.

Hey, America, you okay?

Because honestly...you're not looking so good. We know that 2020 was a rough year, but you haven't exactly been doing yourself any favors with how you've handled it.

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Culture Feature

Cody Johnston's "Some More News" Is Essential Quarantine Content

Watching him slowly lose his mind might be the only way to keep your sanity

Cody Johnston via YouTube

Cody Johnston is a news dude.

That's the official title listed on screen in each episode of his (almost) weekly YouTube series Some More News. It conveys the tongue-in-cheek formality of the videos which play on conventions of traditional TV news, with an anchor desk, lots of flashy graphics and sound cues, and increasingly absurd segment titles.

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Elizabeth Warren

Photo by Patrick Semansky/AP/Shutterstock

After trailing in recent primary elections, Elizabeth Warren is fighting her way back to the top.

During the Democratic debate this week, the Massachusetts Senator had a victorious revival by absolutely slamming her rising opponent, Michael Bloomberg. "I'd like to talk about who we're running against," she said early on in the debate. "A billionaire who calls women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians. And no, I'm not talking about Donald Trump. I'm talking about Mayor Bloomberg." If the audience's applause hadn't been so loud, you surely would've heard the sweet sounds of Bloomberg's soul crushing. The best supporting role in this ferocious takedown, however, was Warren's magenta jacket.

Warren's outfits throughout the election thus far are as consistent as Bernie Sanders' policies. Hillary Clinton had her unmatched pantsuits, but Warren takes a more subtle approach: black pants, black top, and—the finishing touch—a solid, brightly-colored jacket. It's a simple ensemble that looks just as good on television as it does canvassing across the country, which explains why it appears as though she owns nothing else in her closet but five solid colors. This beloved uniform raises the question: If I were Elizabeth Warren's jacket, what color would I be?

So, with my authority as both a registered Democrat and a registered Co-Star user, I've figured out the definitive correlations between each sign of the Zodiac and Warren's most-used outerwear. See which of Elizabeth Warren's jackets you are, according to your sign, below.

Aries, Leo, Scorpio: Magenta Jacket Elizabeth

Magenta might seem like a soothing color, but Warren is anything but calm when she wears this bad boy. Like Warren as she absolutely drags Bloomberg, you're incredibly passionate and don't fear speaking your mind. Some might say you have a temper, but that's just politics, baby.

CULTURE

Amy Klobuchar's Entire Subreddit Is an Ironic Joke–and So Is She

Amy Klobuchar ate salad with her comb and then made her aide clean it.

Senator Amy Klobuchar (Democrat of Minnesota)

Photo by Shutterstock

Prior to their official half-endorsement of Amy Klobuchar as the "Democrats' Best Choice For President," The New York Times covered another side of the Minnesota senator.

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CULTURE

The Full Breakdown of the 2020 Candidates' Dance Moves

Because the American people deserve to know

Photo by Georgia-de Lotz Unsplash

With less than a month left until the Iowa caucuses officially kick off primary season, it seems like we've spent the last decade slowly whittling away at an endless list of candidates.

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TV

Why We Need Baby Yoda to Run for President

The star of Star Wars: The Mandalorian may represent a new hope for 2020.

Baby Yoda

Star Wars

When former New York Mayor and current media oligarch Michael Bloomberg officially joined the Presidential race last weekend, he brought the total number of Democrats vying for the nomination up to 17.

While many people have been deriding this excess for months now—calling for a culling of the herd and deriding the chances of anyone outside the top three to five contenders—I'm not actually opposed to the idea of another candidate entering the race. Don't get me wrong: Michael Bloomberg is obviously either a moron or a spoiler candidate intending to subvert the will of the people. But if the right person entered the running, it could actually make things a lot simpler. A candidate who could truly engage and excite voters—someone exactly like Baby Yoda, and no one else in the universe.

Axios first brought this possibility to my attention when they released a breakdown of article engagement based on the candidate featured. Baby Yoda easily surpassed them all. Why? Because Baby Yoda is a uniter. His power doesn't come from wealth or exclusive influence, but from the Force that connects all living things and binds the universe together.

yoda frog gifThough he may miss out on PETA's endorsement

He's a political outsider, from a galaxy far far outside the Washington beltway; and unlike your average politician, Baby Yoda doesn't waste his time on empty words. He doesn't make a dubious promise to save the Mandalorian from a giant rhino monster. He just gets the job done and asks for nothing in return. He has the wisdom of 50 years of life, but the youthful energy to chase down a frog creature and swallow it whole. His large, soulful eyes communicate trust and optimism, even when circumstances look bleak, and they can inspire loyalty even in cold-blooded killer or a Werner Herzog. Also, his healthcare plan most likely involves using his force powers to magically heal our wounds, which is pretty rad. If all that weren't already enough to win your vote, he's not half-bad to look at either.

Now, I know what you're thinking: How can a baby be a world leader? But would you ask the same thing of Winston Churchill? Considering that Baby Yoda is 50 years old, he more than meets the age requirement for the job, while also being—unlike Bloomberg, Biden, Sanders, and Warrena long way off from the decline and diseases of old age. And while his father spent a long time in the Dagobah system, Yoda was originally from California, which should make Baby Yoda a natural-born citizen.

As for finances, Baby Yoda has the backing of Disney+, which is expected to spend $350 million on marketing next year, which is nearly enough to rival the $500 million that Michael Bloomberg is planning to throw away on his doomed and absurd candidacy. Compared to that, Baby Yoda running for president suddenly seems pretty reasonable.

baby yoda campaign posterObamapostmaker.com

So, while some of the deadlines for some primary races have already passed, it's not too late for an exciting new candidate to sweep in and reignite the American public's engagement in the political process... As long as that new candidate is Baby Yoda. Everyone else should give up and go home.