Primary season is off to a rocky start, but the Democrats have a lot of competition for awful launches
Political junkies went to bed Monday night with reports of delayed results out of the Iowa caucuses, expecting that the mess would be cleared up by morning.
Those expectations were sadly mistaken, and Tuesday morning came and went with no sign of an official delegate count forthcoming. Most sources are pointing to a faulty app developed for the Iowa Democratic Party by a shadowy organization known as...Shadow Inc, because our reality has been undergoing a writer's strike since 2016. Shadow Inc. is run by some alums from Hillary Clinton's 2016 campaign—because we are never allowed to forget Hillary Clinton—and associated with the non-profit organization ACRONYM, which doesn't stand for anything (again, writers strike) but is committed to "building tech infrastructure for the progressive movement."
Intended to make result tabulation fast and simple, replacing the traditional phone-in system, the app was developed in just the past few months. The quick development time was apparently streamlined by just skipping over the debugging step to have it "ready" in time for its dramatic premier. As a result, the caucus process was soon overwhelmed by technical issues as party officials struggled with crashes and inconsistencies that left them with no choice but to rely on the old-fashioned tallying and the paper trail kept as a backup.
Meanwhile, multiple campaigns are already reporting their internal results—with Sanders in the lead and Buttigieg not far behind—and the world is largely moving on from the mess with little real consequence beyond the renewed and unifying awareness of the incompetent management within the Democratic Party—even President Trump came through with one of his rare correct takes.
When will the Democrats start blaming RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA, instead of their own incompetence for the voting disa… https://t.co/6Lxb1hnROi— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1580826168.0
But it's worth keeping in mind that the Democrats are not alone in this. The history of disastrous failed launches is long and glorious, and these are but a few highlights.
Okay, the Democrats aren't alone, but this also isn't their first foray into launch failure. When the Affordable Care Act passed in 2010, contractors were brought on to develop the website based on obsolete criteria and with little oversight, resulting in code that was full of placeholder text and a system that crashed almost immediately. Only six people were able to use the system to actually select an insurance plan on Healthcare.gov's first day. After two months of cleanup, the website was largely usable, but the trash-fire of the launch still resulted in the resignation of HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and a congressional investigation into the whole mess.
Just to be fair, it's worth taking a look across the aisle at probably the only time in Donald Trump's life when he made a bad business decision. Trump Steaks was a branded effort to sell middling quality steaks at a steep mark-up using the image of a man who like his meat served well-done with a heavy dose of ketchup. Billed as "The World's Greatest Steaks," Trump Steaks were sold on QVC and through the Sharper Image Catalog in 2007. Strangely, consumers didn't seem excited to buy overpriced beef from the same services that sell commemorative coins and dog waste vacuums. Both companies stopped featuring the steaks within a few months, and the trademark expired in 2014. Of course, that's just one failure. Probably a fluke.
After five years of Windows XP, the numerous vulnerabilities in Microsoft's operating system were causing frequent issues with viruses and malware, and people were excited for an upgrade. Windows Vista was not that. Released in 2006, the clunky user interface, compatibility issues, and frustrating security measures led to hardware companies reverting back to XP. Nonetheless, hundreds of millions of windows users ended up stuck with Vista until Microsoft rushed to release Windows 7 three years later.
Oh, hey, looks like Trump may have made another slight miscalculation here, trying to establish his own branded travel-booking site. The site launched in 2006, promising to lend Donald Trump's famed deal-making skills to your travel booking, with the tagline "The art of the travel deal." Trump predicted that the website would be a "tremendous success." It ceased operation in 2007. Oops. Still, two mistakes ins't bad. Definitely not a pattern.
LaserDiscs were basically giant CDs with movies on them. Introduced in 1978, they delivered higher quality images than VHS before the invention of DVDs, but they were also about the size of a vinyl record but much more delicate and they weighed about half a pound. The discs could only hold about an hour of video on each side, so they had to be flipped over halfway through a feature film, and the huge, expensive players also produced a lot of noise getting the discs up to speed. Needless to say, the promise of high-quality video at home was not quite worth the numerous downsides, and Laserdiscs never really caught on.
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A couple weeks back I wrote an article excoriating the Moviepass company, for having run their business into the ground--for having such a great product, and managing it with such poor execution.
Here's that article. Two weeks later, the question is: if Moviepass was bankrupt in July, why are they still around in August? It turns out, Moviepass is dying like any good movie character: slowly, painfully, with plenty of room for last words. For anyone who's stuck with their subscription and is wondering what in the world is going on, here, below, are some of the highlights--from the bad to the so bad it's funny...
[WARNING: Videos containing movie spoilers below--click at your own peril!]
GOOD: Going bankrupt will make even the most ardent businessmen reconsider their strategies, and Moviepass has tried to come up with some novel ideas about how to stay afloat. For instance, they've proposed charging theaters and studios to market specific movies to their subscribers. In my last article, I referenced a statistic that suggested Moviepass accounted for 3% of domestic ticket sales on average, but 10% for movies they marketed through the app. That data was published by Moviepass, internally. Evidence now suggests they may have been loose with the numbers. With no good data out there, it's hard to say.
BAD: The company keeps setting records for how much money they can lose in how short a period of time. In my last piece I described their stock dropping by orders of magnitude. Now, Moviepass' parent company--Helios and Matheson Analytics--is trading at less than a nickel per share. You really couldn't sell this company for a ham sandwich right now. At least ham has some value.
WORST: Every day the Moviepass app is changing its own rules. On any given time of any given day, you might find zero screenings available in your area, all screenings available in your area, or only two movies but all of their available screenings in your area. Most days, the service is up and running in the morning, then back down by late afternoon time. From a skeptic's point of view, it seems Moviepass would like to create the illusion that they're still alive and kicking, but only during those times of day when people don't actually want to see movies. When it comes to the evening and weekends, the app always seems to be conspicuously, conveniently down...
The creepiest days come when the only movie you can see with a Moviepass card is Slender Man. Search any theater in your area, and each one will only show Slender Man showings. It's already happened more than once. Perhaps this is some kind of message?
UGLIEST: There's desperate, and then there's purposely un-canceling user accounts. If you tried canceling your subscription this month, you may have gotten an email like this: "Please note: if you had previously requested cancellation prior to opting-in, your opt-in to the new plan will take priority and your account will not be cancelled." The best part: if you didn't accept the terms of this new, zombie subscription: too bad! Many users opened their apps to find a message titled "Updates to your Moviepass plan" with only an "I Accept" prompt at the bottom of the screen, no "I reject" or "F*** you!" options.
If you canceled your Moviepass subscription this month, it may be worth your time to call the company and square away the details of the breakup. Chances are, if you get charged again for next month, the company won't have any money for reimbursements.
FUNNIEST: Moviepass, graciously, has given us, the people, one final gift. Have you seen their Twitter lately? @MoviePass has been, arguably, one of the best Twitter accounts all month. Every day, they post some bland marketing material, and every day, hundreds of followers come out of the woodwork to just ceaselessly slam the company for their poor service, turning every otherwise innocuous post into a cesspit of angry complaints, insults and venting. There's even a poor person (or group of poor people) whose job it has been to reply to all of these comments.
If you've become fed up with Moviepass lately, or just enjoy trolling on the internet, I recommend spending 15 minutes on this timeline. Unlike their app, their social media never fails to disappoint, day after day.
Nate Nelson is an NYC-based writer and podcast host.
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Sometimes you've just got to get yourself that Winter Candy Apple and Iced Gingerbread.
I hope Jen from Appleton, Wisconsin is doing well these days.
As for Angela, the star of the best Bath & Body Works rant of all time (and there are surprisingly many on YouTube), I hope she's living a Winter Candy Apple-scented life to the fullest.
In 2012, the aspiring vlogger posted a rant about her dire mission to acquire two coveted candles from Bath & Body Works: Winter Candy Apple and Iced Gingerbread. The outstanding 11-minute video recounts her harrowing journey to the store in APPLETON, WISCONSIN (it's very important the store is called out for their heinous treatment of Angela).
After the video was discovered and spread across Tumblr, it was recognized as a cultural masterpiece of our time, a treatise on the frailty of the human condition and our undying perseverance to end our own suffering at any cost.
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It's an unprecedented time for brand deals and nonsensical collaborations
I'm convinced that the Supreme Oreos that terrorized the internet (and which I haven't stopped thinking about since) were the cultural reset.
Released in February 2020, right as everything started to go wrong, these bright red Supreme Oreos were met with equally visceral confusion and anticipation. Despite many on the internet claiming that Supreme and Oreo had gone too far, the 3-pack of Oreos inevitably sold out in minutes online.
It seems Oreo have not learned their lesson. Just announced: their collaboration with Lady Gaga
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Life is short, go for a bold eye like Jules.
From Rue's grungy over-sized aesthetic to Jules' femme futuristic looks, there are plenty of outfits shown throughout the series to inspire you to reinvent your whole wardrobe. Not to mention the makeup looks, which are so unique and striking as to have inspired hundreds of Halloween costumes last year. But why reserve a neon eye shadow or sequin eyelid look for Halloween when you can channel your inner Maddie or Jules all year long?
Euphoria Season 2 may be a few months away, but HBO is releasing two special episodes much sooner. The first of these specials, "Trouble Don't Last Always," focuses on Rue (played by Zendaya) and just dropped on HBO Max. To celebrate, we've listed some of the most essential cosmetic products to help you make your Euphoria-inspired makeup dreams come true—no drugs required.
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Here's what to stream this weekend.
If you're anything like us, you're probably overwhelmed by the sheer number of albums being released on a weekly basis.
Popdust's weekly column, Indie Roundup, finds the five best albums coming out each week so that you don't have to. Every Friday, we'll tell you what's worth listening to that might not already be on your radar.