MUSIC

7 of the Best Anti-War Songs

The best protest music transcends time and is always relevant. Today, we need it more than ever.

Photo by Tong Su (Unsplash)

This morning, Donald Trump authorized a drone strike at Baghdad International Airport that killed Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, Iran's top security and intelligence commander.

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UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, meets the President of Ghana, Nana Akufo-Addo for talks at 10 Downing Street

Photo by Mark Thomas/Shutterstock

With the UK election upon us, incumbent Prime Minister Boris Johnson has come under fire again.

But this time it's not for a racist novel, sexual assault, printing a massive lie on the side of a bus, or being an alcoholic. This time Boris is being called a coward, of all things, for the perfectly human response of running away from Piers Morgan.

Picture the scene: In a moment of weakness you agreed to an interview with Piers Morgan—a man who believes that wearing a baby carrier is emasculating and that "Pythagoras's theorem" has decimal points he can use to make women feel dumb. Now, a reporter is approaching you to collect on that promise. You don't want to be polite or pretend to have any respect for a man who thinks Muhammed Ali was more racist than Donald Trump and actively pursues Twitter feuds with Chrissy Teigen in which he attacks her "impudence." Of course you don't. Why would anyone want to do that? So you look around for the quickest escape route, but there's nowhere to go except…the fridge.

Indiana Jones taught you that refrigerators can protect you from a nuclear blast. For a moment, maybe you can make yourself believe that this fridge will protect you from whatever radiation pompousness gives off. Can you honestly say that you wouldn't dive into that fridge and seal it behind you? Sure, Piers Morgan isn't the one holding the microphone, but the man holding the microphone is pushing that promised interview with Morgan, and you can't be sure that the man himself won't pop out of a corner any second with a smug grin and a question about Avogadro units or Planck's enigma or whether washing your butt makes you gay.

What Piers Morgan forgets when he calls Boris Johnson a coward for hiding in a fridge is that Piers Morgan is a horror movie monster that feeds on disgust. The harder he can make you grimace, the more of your life-force he steals. And even monsters are allowed to be afraid of monsters. So hide, Boris! Don't come out with a milk crate and pretend everything is normal. Stay in your bunker. Hide like your life depends on it. With any luck you'll live long enough to lose the election.

CULTURE

Pathetic White Men Are Big Mad That Greta Thunberg Is Time's Person of the Year

Let's meet some of the lowest-performing white men in the world.

Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg arrives to deliver a speech at the Assemblee Nationale, French parliament, in Paris, France, 23 July 2019. Teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg, who sparked the #FridaysForFuture school strike movement, attended a conference with young climate activists at the National Assembly.Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg in Paris, France - 23 Jul 2019

Photo by IAN LANGSDON/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock

I have apologized for this article. Please see my full statement here.

Every December since 1927, TIME's Person of the Year award has recognized the most influential person (or group of people) on the global stage.

Its ranks include almost every sitting US president since the award's inception, alongside world leaders, business moguls, and activists. The magazine does not necessarily endorse every winner––sometimes their pick for most influential person (i.e. Adolf Hitler in 1938 and Joseph Stalin in 1939) reflects the destructive ends of global influence. But regardless, for most recipients, especially those in the activism space, the award is viewed as an honor––and in 2019, it most certainly is.

Time's 2019 Person of the Year is Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old climate change activist who has traveled the world speaking to politicians, leading protests, and urging everyone to stop turning a blind eye to the myriad ways that humans are destroying the planet.

But even though 97% of climate scientists agree that global warming and climate change are both real and caused by humans, right-wing lunatics (read: very angry white men) hate Greta Thunberg, because...?

Much of their adult hatred directed towards a child dedicating her life to trying to making the world sustainable for future generations stems from the fact that they are, in reality, literal babies trapped in hairy, pale, man-bodies. But their main reason is the fact that their God-King (they're too stupid to understand how elected public officials are supposed to work), Donald Trump, hates her, too.

So because Donald Trump doesn't believe in climate change (putting his stupid ass in disagreement with his own government's science divisions), his even stupider supporters don't either. Now they're real mad on Twitter over Greta Thunberg being TIME's Person of the Year, so they're sh*tting their diapers for all to see. It's great. Let's meet some of the lowest-performing white men in the world up close and personal.

Oh, who's this angry white boy trying to compare Greta Thunberg to Hitler? Why, it's "Count Dankula," the Scottish YouTuber best known for teaching his dog to perform a Nazi salute gesture and respond positively when asked, "Do you wanna gas the Jews?" Apparently it was couched in typical alt-right "just a joke" bullsh*t, but Dankula, whose real name is Mark Meechan, later joined the right-wing populist UK Independence Party (UKIP) alongside frequent milkshake enthusiast Carl Benjamin, so...yeah, really funny! All that being said, when Meechan equates Thunberg to Hitler, he might be trying to give her a compliment.

Here we have Exhibit B: An angry boomer Trump stan/far-right stooge named Bill Mitchell who earned his blue checkmark by hosting a less successful online version of Alex Jones' show. While his opinions might only be relevant to people with actual brain damage, he does have a particular knack for defrauding his followers out of money. Which is to say that yes, at the very least he follows the right-wing ideals of preying on stupid people and attacking children.

Lastly, we arrive at the poster boy of white male mediocrity: Donald Trump Jr.––a man so talentless that he needed his daddy's friends to buy up his book, a man so pathetic he got absolutely slaughtered on The View, and a man so self-unaware that he'll probably go his entire life without ever realizing that if his dad wasn't rich, he'd be just another schlub.

There's a reason pathetic white men spend so much of their time crying about the accomplishments of better, more useful people on Twitter. Because at the end of the day, they're absolutely worthless, and deep down they know it.

CULTURE

What Else Would Donald Trump Sharpie? #Sharpiegate

Twitter users jumped into action after Donald Trump promoted a sharpied forecast map of Hurricane Dorian.

Donald Trump

Photo by Evan El-Amin (Shutterstock)

Imagine if you had a massive following on Twitter (maybe because, hypothetically, you were the president of the United States or something), and you tweeted something scientifically inaccurate that had the potential to negatively affect thousands of people's lives.

Let's say, for example, that you thought a hurricane was going to hit a state that it was not in danger of hitting, despite there being no evidence to back you up.

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CULTURE

The ASAP Rocky Case Shows How a "Fair" Justice System Functions

Morally, A$AP Rocky was in the right. Legally, it's another story.

A$AP Rocky Pleads NOT GUILTY in Hollywood Shooting — Watch

EDIT (8/14): ASAP Rocky was found guilty of assault, but won't need to serve any further jail time as the court did not find the assault particularly "serious." Instead, he will be subject to a relatively small fine of $1,300 in damages to the victim. He'll also need to cover the legal fees of both the victim and the state. ASAP Rocky is officially free. Case closed.

EDIT (7/25): Swedish prosecutors have officially charged A$AP Rocky and two members of his crew with assault. The trial will allegedly be held within the next two weeks.

Opinions about A$AP Rocky's current legal situation in Sweden remain contentious, but Sweden's handling of the case still offers a glimpse to Americans of how a "fair" justice system functions.

A$AP Rocky has been detained in a Swedish jail for three weeks now. While he's yet to be indicted, he's currently facing assault charges for beating up a local man who was harassing his crew and, allegedly, assaulting women on the street.

Here's where things get sticky: In order to properly assess this situation from a standard of legal "fairness," we first need to parse the moral elements from the legal ones.

Morally, A$AP Rocky was probably in the right, at least if you believe violence can ever be a moral response in the face of continuous provocation. Video evidence proves this. The "victim" and his friend had been pursuing A$AP Rocky and his crew for multiple blocks. It's unclear what the men wanted. There seemed to be a language barrier at play, but the men were agitated and acting aggressively. A$AP and his crew warned the men multiple times that they didn't want to fight and that they just wanted to be left alone. The men refused, bothering them again and again despite their multiple warnings.

At one point, A$AP's bodyguard physically pushed one of the men away. The man responded by smashing his headphones over the bodyguard's head, breaking them in the process. Again A$AP and his crew attempted to leave, but the men continued, now complaining about the broken headphones. Eventually, after being informed that the men had also been groping women, A$AP and his crew finally threw down, beating up one of the men before finally getting away.

The confrontation can be watched in two parts:


After watching both videos, it's hard to argue that A$AP didn't hold the moral high-ground. He actively tried to diffuse a tense situation with an aggressive stranger who was, at the very least, harassing him and his friends and, at worst, assaulting women on the street. One could even argue that the man deserved to get his a** beat.

But legally speaking, A$AP's crew got physical first. That makes them accountable within the eyes of Swedish law, regardless of whether or not they were provoked. Daniel Suneson, the Swedish prosecutor in charge of the investigation, confirmed this when he dropped A$AP's counterclaim against the "victim" over the headphone smack, clarifying it "may be considered as right to self-defense."

Moreover, while the women who claimed the men groped them were most likely telling the truth, these women would need to press charges against the men themselves in order for related charges to be pursued. A$AP Rocky's group wouldn't be able to do it for them, so if none of the women involved come forward, pursuing charges on that front is likely impossible.

Again, this is a situation wherein morality and legality don't necessarily match up. All that being said, the Swedish law remains "fair." Despite A$AP's moral high-ground, his group did technically beat up a person who was not actively physically attacking them.

Americans are used to celebrities and other wealthy people getting off for crimes with a slap on the wrist, even in situations where a poorer person would almost definitely have the book thrown at them. One need not look further than Ethan Couch, the " Affluenza Teen" who got a mere two years in jail for drunkenly killing a family of four.

In Sweden, this is not the case. The Swedish government is holding A$AP and his group responsible in the same way that they would hold any of their own citizens responsible in the same situation. To the Swedish government, A$AP's status as a rich celebrity and an American citizen are irrelevant. He broke Swedish law and therefore must answer to the Swedish justice system.

As a result, even Donald Trump's involvement won't influence the charges. The Swedish Prime Minister clarified that A$AP Rocky "will not get special treatment."

It's incredibly frustrating to watch the Swedish justice system's fairness play out in a case where the person being charged was provoked to the point that most would struggle to blame him for his violent reaction. At the same time, it's refreshing to see a justice system hold people accountable in equal measure, regardless of their wealth or social status.

Perhaps even if we disagree with the case's outcome, we should take note of the mechanisms behind it: nobody should be above the law, no matter how rich or influential they may be.