Culture Feature

12 of the Best Self-Owns of All Time

Behold these masters in the craft of publicly humiliation.

Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash

When my editor asked me to compile a list of "the best self-owns in history," I immediately got to work researching the Blackberry Storm, the Motorola Rokr, the Nokia N-Gage.

I was excited to show her all the info I had found on these classic cell phones, but she wasn't pleased. "Not cell phones, you moron, you worthless cretin, 'self-owns,'" Do you need me to spell that out for you, or would you like to demonstrate a basic level of competency?"

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Culture Feature

Meet the Man Behind QAnon—America's Fastest Growing Cult

8chan founder Fredrick Brennan believes his former business partner, Jim Watkins, is behind the dangerous conspiracy theory.

Screenshot from: QAnon: The conspiracy theory spreading fake news / BBC Newsnight /
Update 1/22/2021: Following the inauguration of Joe Biden on January 20th, many believers in QAnon lore have begun to question some of their convictions.
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TV Features

Meet America's Worst Couple: Sean Hannity and Ainsley Earhardt

While they have yet to confirm they're dating, inside sources have confirmed it, and it's too awful to not be true.

Sean Hannity speaks during CPAC Texas 2022

Photo by lev radin (Shutterstock)

Earlier this month Sean Hannity and Jill Rhodes—his former wife of more than 20 years—announced that they had divorced...more than a year ago.

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Culture Feature

The Rise and Fall of QAnon—the Wildest Conspiracy Theory of the Trump Era

Q-believers are finally beginning to doubt their infallible, anonymous source.

Donald Trump

Photo by Evan El-Amin, Shutterstock

Update 7/22/2020: Since the time of writing, the surge of mask and vaccine conspiracy theories has made it clear that the the threat of a deadly viral pandemic is not motivation enough for people to start listening to credible authorities. The cult around the QAnon conspiracy may continue to grow in popularity, with a number of prominent political figures endorsing the movement.

However, followers may have more difficulty finding and disseminating their QAnon "information" after twitter mass-banned more than 7000 QAnon-focused accounts on Tuesday, along with restricting around 150,000 other QAnon accounts from their recommendation algorithm. The move comes, either as part of Twitter's effort to crack down on dangerous misinformation being spread on their platform, or as part of the deep state's insidious plan to keep you from discovering the truth...

If you believe the followers of the mysterious figure known as QAnon, all the elites of Hollywood and DC are implicated in an elaborate conspiracy to traffic children.

And none other than Donald Trump himself is working to take them down.

These elites—minions of the "deep state"—not only abuse children for their twisted sexual gratification, they harvest their adrenal glands to extract the psychosis-inducing drug adrenochrome (a real neurochemical that Hunter S. Thompson first fictionalized as a drug in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)—to which many/most/all of them are addicted.

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In what could only be surprising to someone living inside their own butt, the Republican lobbyist and Trump advisor with a Richard Nixon tattoo on his back has been indicted and arrested by the FBI.

Roger Stone, full-time partisan hack and part-time Steampunk enthusiast, has been indicted on seven charges including obstruction, witness tampering, and making false statements about his knowledge on the 2016 Wikileaks dump that arguably sank Hillary Clinton's campaign.

Imagine, for a moment, Roger Stone walking into a tattoo parlor. He's taking a break from planning out whatever crime against America he plans to commit that afternoon.

"Hey, I heard you do portraits here," says Roger Stone.

"Sorry, that's not really our specialty," says the tattoo artist.

"Can you do Richard Nixon on my back?" says Roger Stone.

"Why would you possibly want that?" the tattoo artist replies.

"Because I'm blatantly committing crimes against the United States."

But nobody could actually be that stupid, right? Nobody would actually believe a Republican politician sporting a Richard Nixon tattoo.

Okay, but to be fair, Alex Jones is a guy who rallies his supporters to harass the parents of school shooting victims. Let's not set the bar on the floor.

Stone On Tucker Carlson: "Mueller Trying To Destroy My Life"

Wait, Fox News's Tucker Carlson brought him on his very reputable show two days before the indictment? But Tucker Carlson is supposed to be a voice of reason! Well, he's just one guy. It's not like anyone else would possibly be so...

Geraldo & #NervousFox Hosts turn on Mueller over Roger

It''s all of them. They're all defending him. Are they all stupid? Or maybe...but no...that couldn't possibly...

There we go. It all makes sense now. Whew, that was a close one, guys. They're not stupid! They don't actually believe Roger Stone is innocent. He has a tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, for fuck's sake. Of course he's guilty. They just don't care because he's on their team.

Too bad for Roger Stone, the penalty box for this sport is a prison cell.

Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at

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