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When it comes to movies from bygone eras, we often say: "They'd never be allowed to make a movie like that nowadays."

TRIGGER WARNING: Sex crimes and discussion of sexual assault
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Film Lists

26 Ridiculous Movies That Received a 0% Fresh Rating on Rotten Tomatoes

To some extent, a 0% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes is an honor.

Photo by Stefano Carella (Unsplash)

Even amongst trash cinema, the Rotten Tomatoes 0% are a special breed of stank.

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Film Features

All the Plot Holes We Want Fixed in "A Quiet Place Part II"

The original A Quiet Place had a lot of plot holes.

Paramount Pictures

A Quiet Place Part II, the sequel to John Krasinki's 2017 hit horror/thriller A Quiet Place, is coming out later this month.

But while the original put audiences on edge with its pervasive use of silence, the movie ultimately fell victim to a number of plot holes that made it hard to stay fully immersed. Since the concept of A Quiet Place (monsters that hunt through sound, resulting in the protagonists' need to stay quiet at all times) has so much potential, here are the biggest issues we hope get fixed in the sequel.

The Monsters' Sense of Hearing

One of the biggest plot holes in the film revolves around the strength of the monsters' hearing. We catch a glimpse of a newspaper clipping explaining that the monsters' blindness enhances their super-hearing, but how powerful is their hearing, really? If the monsters are able to hear a branch being broken from miles away, shouldn't they also be able to hear the heartbeats of all of the human characters? Wouldn't it be especially hard for them not to hear the heartbeat of the mother, Evelyn, as she literally gives birth? Maybe they're able to selectively control their hearing. That would be interesting to explore in A Quiet Place Part II.

The Baby

Speaking of the newborn, the extreme irresponsibility of having a child in the middle of an apocalyptic event almost goes beyond any notion of sense. Sure, it's reasonable to want to relieve some stress during a time of crisis, but they had to know that there might be consequences. Also, there's no way the baby would survive until the sequel, considering how much they cry. Crying is a baby's defense mechanism, so babies are basically natural prey for sound-hunting monsters. Including the baby might be a nice way to amp up the emotional weight of the film, but it weighs the family down beyond any point of realism.

Beating the Beast

In the climax of the film, Emily uses her deaf daughter, Regan's cochlear implant to stun the monster, giving her the opportunity to kill it. But if disarming the monster is as simple as making high-frequency noises, this begs the question: Why was no one able to figure out that loud noises harmed the monsters before? Shouldn't this be common knowledge? It's safe to assume that there were scientists in their world at one point, so were they all just killed before they could come to the correct conclusion? Hopefully in the sequel, they'll have perfected the use of high frequency weapons in creative capacities.

The Waterfall

If the family knew the location of a waterfall that drowned out sound so well that it made human screams inaudible, why didn't they just live near it in the first place? Even if the monsters used it as their watering hole, which we have no reason to believe they did, the humans could still just stay out of their way or maybe even sneak up and kill them if given the chance. That makes a lot more practical sense than living in an open field where any sound would almost definitely echo. No reason was ever given as to why that area might be uninhabitable, so it's insane to think that they could've been totally safe and hydrated but for some reason decided against it.

A Quiet Place became a success due to its ability to build suspense based on the silence, but hopefully the sequel can include what worked in the original while ironing out some of the more glaring issues..

A Quiet Place Part II will be released March 20, 2020.

Pennywise

Photo by Andres Gomez - Unsplash

In Andy Muschietti's new film, IT: Chapter Two, audiences are reintroduced to the band of nerdy, endearing children they met two years ago in the 2017 installment of IT.

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FILM

Robert Eggers' "The Lighthouse" Actually Looks Like an Original Movie Concept

In a world of remakes and sequels, "The Lighthouse" shines.

Robert Pattinson in The Lighthouse

A24

The trailer is out for horror director Robert Eggers' new movie, The Lighthouse, and amazingly, it looks like a totally original Hollywood movie.

Is this even possible? Would Hollywood really, truly release a movie in 2019 that isn't a sequel, prequel, reboot, or generic, derivative, paint-by-numbers? Watch the trailer and see for yourself:

The Lighthouse | Official Trailer HD | A24www.youtube.com

Eggers' first film, The Witch, established him as a fresh, original voice in the horror genre. From the looks of it, The Lighthouse will solidify his spot in the modern horror canon.

The aesthetic is deeply unique. The black and white color scheme coupled with intriguing set design (a diagonal ceiling, a spiral staircase) recall silent Expressionist horror of the 1920s like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. At the same time, Eggers' use of harsh lighting and tight, close shots on his two lead actors (Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson) feel reminiscent of a theater production.

The movie already received rave reviews after its premiere at Cannes, with critics lauding the direction, horror, and performances of both leads in equal measure. Willem Dafoe's greatness should probably come as no surprise, but it's great to hear that Robert Pattinson holds his own, too.

The Lighthouse looks excellent, and more importantly, unlike anything else that's hit theaters over the past few decades. Considering the current state of the Hollywood landscape, this is quite the feat. Let's hope it delivers.

Make sure to check out The Lighthouse in theaters on October 18th.

MUSIC

Not Everyone Should Have a Music Career: The 10 Worst Celebrity Songs

Just because someone can act, that does not mean they can sing.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

All too often, when a celebrity's head gets too big for their own good, their inflated brain decides they have what it takes to have a music career.

Technically, they're right––the only thing anyone actually needs to produce an album is cold, hard cash. But all the money in the world can't buy musical talent, which is why pretty much every celebrity album is screaming ear cancer. Come delight in making fun of people who are so wealthy that they fail to realize they have zero musical ability. These celebrity songs are truly the worst of the worst:

Jeremy Renner - Heaven Don't Have a Name

If anyone ever had a fever dream where Hawkeye from the Avengers sang a ripoff of Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive" that was somehow worse than "Radioactive," we're sorry to inform them that their nightmare has become a reality.

Heaven Don't Have a Namewww.youtube.com

Brie Larson - She Said

Brie Larson's horrendous attempt at an Avril impression features inspired lyrics like "La dee da, la dee dee," along with a really poor Napoleon Dynamite impersonator in the music video.

Brie Larson - She Said (Radio Edit)www.youtube.com

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)

While "daddy issues" may be a sexist trope at this point, it's hard to describe Lindsay Lohan's music as indicative of anything else. "Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)" is less a "song" and more a "desperate cry for help."

Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)www.youtube.com

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World

Based on sound alone, Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World is honestly pretty generic pop. But this music video...just wow. It's about a little, toad-faced, creeper kid who gets straight up abused at school and then goes home to spy on his hot adult neighbor (Paris Hilton, of course) while she undresses. Then she grinds on him a bunch in her underwear. This is horrifying because he's like 13-year-old, max.

Paris Hilton - Nothing In This Worldwww.youtube.com

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

"Respect Yourself" is kind of like Aretha Franklin's "Respect" except instead of being sung by one of the most talented vocalists to ever live, it's sung by action star Bruce Willis and also has kind of weird religious undertones.

Respect Yourself ~ Bruce Williswww.youtube.com

Steven Seagal - Girl It's Alright

Steven Seagal has been hit with multiple accusations of sexual assault over the years, and this song is not helping his case at all.

Stiven Seagal "Girl it's alright"www.youtube.com

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strong

If Gwyneth Paltrow's "Country Strong" were revealed to be a parody of country music that she made solely because she despises poor people and anything that might interest them, it would be easy to believe.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Country Strongwww.youtube.com

Heidi Montag - Blackout

Heidi Montag writhing around a pool in a bikini while shouting crappy, off-key, bubblegum pop directly into a camera is somehow the pinnacle of both blandness and grossness at the same time.

Heidi Montag - Blackout (Official Video)www.youtube.com

Robert Downey Jr. - Man Like Me

To Robert Downey Jr.'s credit, these vocals are raw, untouched by fancy audio effects that might possibly make his voice anything close to listenable. Because truly, his vocals are unlistenable. This is homeless man singing on the subway bad.

Robert Downey Jr. sings "Man like Me"www.youtube.com

Hulk Hogan - I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac

Okay, now this is epic. Hulk Hogan's "I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac" transcends the good-bad binary. It is a portal to another era, a simpler time when maybe someone really did want to be a "Hulkamaniac" but wasn't sure how to make that dream a reality. Luckily, Hulk Hugan was there to talk-rap instructions, encouraging listeners to take vitamins, say no to drugs, and have fun with family and friends. This actually might be the best celebrity song ever.

Hulk Hogan- I Want to Be a Hulkamaniacwww.youtube.com