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Kourtney Kardashian Is No Patagonia

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Oh, Kourtney. You make my job so difficult because I wanted to root for you. I was on board with you publicly tonguing Travis as long as you stayed out of trouble. Kylie’s supposed to be the one who emits tons of carbon dioxide with her private jet - and that’s it.

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The Fader

Everyone knows that it's a good and positive thing to find positivity and goodness in the world.

But not everyone is a visionary, once-in-a-generation genius capable of producing groundbreaking music, religious revival, and weird-looking shoes. If we were, then we would have come up with the party game—or "bored" game, as West punned—that Kanye and family showcased on this weekend's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The good news is, you don't have to be Kanye West, or even to know Kanye West, to play this game with your own loved ones.

The rules are simple. Keep your pockets stuffed with pocket dictionaries so that, when the mood strikes, you can produce and distribute said dictionaries to everyone who wants to play. The only other equipment you need to play is a heart full of love and a highlighter. Pick a page in the dictionary and have everyone flip to that page together. Now take a minute to go through that page in silence, everyone highlighting the words they think are "positive." Once everyone is done highlighting, it's time to convene and discuss your results with the group.

This is where the magic happens. Did everyone highlight "precious," but only one person highlighted "precarious?" Why did they do that? Do they not know how the game works, or do they not know what that word means? If they don't know what that word means, why didn't they just read the definition? More importantly, who the hell highlighted MAGA? There are no wrong answers, but they need to explain why they think something that no one agrees with.

As Kanye says, "This always sparks these kinds of conversations." "These kind of conversations" being disagreements about whether "barter" is technically positive, since it "could also introduce so many negative things," and an insistent request for an explanation of why Kim highlighted "basic"—"You're not wrong or right, I just want to know why."

Thrilling. This is not the first time Kanye has espoused the wonders of reading the dictionary. Apparently he uses this exercise to assist in the song-writing process for his Sunday services. And now that you know how to play at home, you and the people you love can unlock your own religious muses by debating the emotional value of words such as "tedious," "hector," and "discord."

My only issue with the game as demonstrated is the fact that not even one member of the group highlighted "barrel." Do they have any idea how useful barrels have been to human civilization?! Do they hate beer, and wine, and oil, and basically the entire history of seafaring? Don't they know the philosophical teachings of Diogenes the Cynic? Do they have some kind of issue with the cooper community? Or maybe they're just a bunch of morons who wouldn't know true positivity if it bit them on the ass!

diogenes in a barrel Pictured: Me in my room

I don't even want to play this game anymore! Not with that bunch of jerks! I'm going to my room!


Kourtney Kardashian

All you need to know.

Full Name: Kourtney Mary Kardashian

Date of Birth: April 18, 1979

Born: Los Angeles, California

Occupation: Reality TV star, model, businesswoman

Status: Single

Children: 3

As the eldest Kardashian sister, Kourtney Kardashian takes the role to heart. She is serious and silly at the same time, attempting to keep the family as grounded as possible as they live their lives for all the world to see. A mom of three, she puts motherhood before all else and always tries to keep her "baby daddy" in line, you know, for the sake of the kids. Gorgeous and given some of the best opportunities in life, it seems like Kardashian is living the dream. At 39, she's hotter than ever and "keeping up" with her always busy, always broadcasting family. Here's a bit more about the reality star and why fans can't stop tuning in.

Reality…In Ridiculous Amounts

15, count 'em…15!!! seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians have been blasting into our living rooms since we can remember. Some consider the family "famous for being famous," but if you watch the show, they works hard to achieve their A-list statuses. Kardashian is busy with not only work and filming, but raising her kids. And we watch the little ones too. From regular seasons to spin-offs, the Kardashian franchise is on fire with no signs of anyone putting it out. "Momager" Kris Jenner wouldn't have it any other way.

Mama Mia!

Kardashian loves being a mom. She has even hinted that she may want another. Her three kids are simply adorable and have grown up in the spotlight. Their dad, Scott Disick, has been on the show for years, and while they're no longer a couple, they co-parent and co-exist. Perhaps the two will give it another try someday, but until Kardashian is sure Disick won't go back to his "playboy" partying ways, she'd rather date (much younger) guys like Luka Sabbat and Younes Bendjima. Call her a cougar, but Kardashian won't be caged!

Healthy and Happy

Kardashian keeps herself in shape and pays attention to what she eats. She maintains a dairy-free, organic diet, banning artificial ingredients, etc. One look at her enviable figure and it's obvious her hard work and dedication is paying off. Here are some pics of the reality rock star, proving that pushing 40 is nothing like it used to be.

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Culture News

Kim Kardashian Was High on Ecstasy During Wedding and Infamous Ray J Tape

The reality star admits to dabbling in drugs in her teen years.

Entertainment Tonight

You probably think there's almost nothing you don't know about Kim Kardashian-West.

Whether you're a devoted fan of Keeping Up With the Kardashians or an unwilling victim of the media force-feeding you Kardashian content at every turn, Americans can hardly escape the siren call of the reality star's signature vocal fry. We're a nation bewitched by her every move and bizarre entrepreneurial pursuit, and each new nugget of information about the 38-year-old only drags us deeper into our obsession.

Consequently, Monday morning saw worldwide headlines about Kim's admission to Scott Disick and half-sister Kendall Jenner on Sunday night's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The mother of three confessed, "I got married on ecstasy. The first time," referring to her three-year marriage to music producer Damon Thomas in 2000 when she was 19 years old.

"Keeping Up With the Kardashians" Katch-Up: S15, EP.14 | E!

She went on to say, "I did ecstasy once, I got married. I did it again and I made a sex tape, like, everything bad would happen." Obviously, Kim was referring to her leaked sex tape with former boyfriend Ray J, which you and, according to Maxim, 210 million other people have seen.

Disick clarified, "You were high on ecstasy when you did that sex tape?" Kardashian-West responded, "Absolutely! Everybody knows it. My jaw was shaking the whole time."

Perhaps intent on being not only the sister with the fewest silicon parts, but also the most fun, Kendall haughtily dismissed the stories, telling Kim she just couldn't picture her as a party girl. Later, in a solo interview featured on the show, Kim clung to her new 'cool mom' cred, saying, "Kendall, honestly, has no clue. I definitely went through a wild phase in my late teens. I'm not like that anymore. But I still have fun!" she added, with a hint of desperation. "Don't get it twisted, I'm always the life of the party."

Brooke Ivey Johnson is a Brooklyn based writer, playwright, and human woman. To read more of her work visit her blog or follow her twitter @BrookeIJohnson.

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Scott Disick

All you need to know.

Full Name: Scott Disick

Date of Birth: May 26, 1983

Born: Eastport, Long Island, NY

Occupation: TV personality, entrepreneur

Status: Single

Children: 3

If you're a fan of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, then the name Scott Disick more than rings a bell. The longtime partner of eldest sister Kourtney (although they're not currently an item), he's the "baby daddy" to their three too-cute-to-be-real kids. Known best for his destructive behavior and immature ways, Disick still has a way of using his boyish charm and sense of humor to hold his place in the family's collective heart. While it's unclear if he'll ever get back with Kourtney, it's evident that Disick is a doting dad and loves being part of the Kardashian empire. Here's more to know about the Long Islander who found his way to L.A.

Oh Lord…

Only a guy like Disick would find a way to get himself knighted. "Lord Disick" or simply, "The Lord" apparently sounded much more important than "Scott," so Disick used his knighthood for all it was worth. Obnoxious? Obviously. But who better to elevate his ego than the self-centered Scott Disick?

Proud Pop

As childish as Disick can often be, having three kids of his own has aided in his realization that life isn't all fun and games. Sure, he has a blast when he plays with Mason, Penelope, and Reign, but when it comes to caring for his kids, Disick has taken his role much more seriously as the years have progressed. It appears that their mom is the kids' main caregiver, but Disick is doing his duty as dad. As for the rest of the Kardashian crew, they respect Disick as part of their extended family and delight in his unquestionable love for his kids.

Longtime Love

They're not a currently a couple, but Disick and Kourtney Kardashian have been linked since 2006. He's a few years her junior, but it's probable that Kardashian figured Disick would eventually mature. Their relationship has had more ups and downs than a Six Flags rollercoaster, but somehow they managed to have three kids together and they still maintain a relatively decent relationship. Even with Disick's drunken stupors and Kardashian's claims she'll never take him back, many fans still have it in their heads that these two will one day live happily ever after. Heck, he has been around more than any other guy on the show! We're talking to you, Kris Humphries.

Scott + Sophia?

Sophia Richie (daughter of musician Lionel Richie) is Disick's current main squeeze. Pics of the two vacationing, canoodling, dining, and more flood the internet, so Disick can't deny the two have something going on. What's the big deal? Either the age difference – she's just 20, or her famous father. Does Lionel really dig the idea of Disick dating his little girl? Still, if they're happy and in a healthy relationship, Richie could be the recipe for a Disick 180.

What's Next for "The Lord?"

First, let's hope he decides he's no lord. Next, it seems like Disick is doing well, putting aside his playboy mentality, and becoming the man Kardashian always believed he could be. Perhaps he'll delve into more business ventures – he has dabbled in restaurants, supplements, nightclubs, and other revenue streams. Will we hear the pitter-patter of another set of tiny Disick feet? What's one more baby added to this ever-baby bumping bunch? Whatever Disick does, we're sure to see it play out on reality TV. Kris Jenner wouldn't have it any other way.

Melissa A. Kay is a New York-based writer, editor, and content strategist. Follow her work on Popdust as well as sites including TopDust, Chase Bank, P&G,, The Richest, GearBrain, The Journiest, Bella, TrueSelf, Better Homes & Gardens, AMC Daycare, and more.

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