What do Shane Dawson, Wolf Blitzer, and egg rolls have in common? They each ruined our week.
March Madness is the Internet's favorite time of year if you don't count April Fool's, the Super Bowl, and any time after midnight.
This week, we've been shocked to find that YouTubers might be desperate for attention, criminals also love greasy takeout, and Wolf Blitzer wants to be a teen idol. Here are five bright, horrible moments from the Internet this week.
No, no—this creative teen is probably poking fun at Internet job postings, or eBay, or rampant consumerism that commodifies every aspect of human experience. Right?! Her entire listing for "Hailey J. Eilert - Varsity Appllication [sic]" reads: "I am a hardworking individual who is ready to start working! I love the unique style of the company and feel I would be a good fit as I am a fast learner and team player. As a sophomore, I have a very flexible schedule and a car so I can easily adapt to a busy work schedule. For privacy concerns, I attached another document to my original email providing more detailed information about my references and employers as well as my school schedule. Thank You!"
Ebay - haileeiler-0
2. YouTuber Shane Dawson Probably Fucked His Cat
i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird… https://t.co/2UFX6wngnf— Shane Dawson (@Shane Dawson)1552875102.0
This is a story about a man who got arrested after trying to shove his way into a woman's house to access egg rolls. I like it because the dude just really wanted some egg rolls. That's pretty wholesome. Obviously, this was in Florida.
Yeah, he looks like he just had egg rolls.Klew TV
4. Reality Is the Best Prank Ever
Is this real or a dream or a gift?
GET YOUR SLIME PREPPED FOR #KCA https://t.co/Oese4vVyln— Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards (@Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards)1553018087.0
5. Remember Craigslist: Missed Connections?
Guys, this gentle soul even included a map. Send help!
Craigslist - New York - Missed Connections
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One Texas couple became a meme after they went 18 minutes without shredded cheese on their fajitas. What could be worse?
Karens. Even if you don't know them by name, you know who they are.
Karens have been asking to speak to managers all over American suburbia ever since Kate Gosselin debuted her infamous reverse-mullet on Jon and Kate Plus 8 in 2007. "Karens"—the collective nickname for middle-aged entitled white women who love nothing more than being pains in your ass—have been walking among us for quite some time, but as shelter-in-place orders and mask mandates have taken over the world, the presence of Karens has become even more apparent.
Last weekend, a Karen went viral in a since-deleted Tweet for a reason only Karens would empathize with. Jason Vicknair, a 40-year-old man from Allen, Texas, was just trying to enjoy his first date night out in three months with his wife at a Tex-Mex restaurant called Mi Cocina. Things took a turn for the worse.
Can you hang with the big kids?
Can you tell the difference between intentional copypastas and things that were written seriously?
Copypastas are text-based memes––paragraphs or stories that get copied and shared over and over again on the Internet. Usually appearing on forums and message boards, they tend to be written for humorous effect or with the intent of trolling unsuspecting readers.
Of course, there are plenty of insane stories and quotes that are written and shared genuinely too. See if you can discern between the two.
We'll give you ten examples of text-based stories. You decide whether the story is a copypasta or a real thing that someone said with the intent of being taken seriously. At the end, tally up your correct answers to find out whether or not you're capable of hanging out with the big kids online.
Let's begin. And be sure to scroll slowly – the answers are right below the text.
REAL – Tweeted by YouTube star Shane Dawson after people dredged up videos of a joke he made nearly a decade ago.
COPYPASTA – A classic on bodybuilding and fitness-related threads.
COPYPASTA – Typically used as a response to perceived insults online.
REAL – This is a real quote submitted by a Redditor to r/atheism in an attempt to describe his personal experience not believing in God. Unsurprisingly, he was immediately and mercilessly ridiculed.
REAL – This post sources back to a guy on Facebook (codenamed "Shiverbert on Reddit's r/thathappened forum) who genuinely claimed this happened to him in real life. It definitely didn't, but he posted it 100% seriously.
COPYPASTA – While parodying actual Rick & Morty fans, the difference is barely discernible.
COPYPASTA – Bill Nye can be replaced with any other celebrity to crush fans' dreams.
REAL – An excerpt from a real 2008 conversation on a bodybuilding forum that devolved into many users trying to convince one guy that weeks didn't work the way he thought they did.
COPYPASTA – A mockery of the kind of people who enjoy "random Internet humor."
REAL – While it may read like a parody of Trump's mannerism, this is a real speech he delivered as the President of the United States of America.
Tally up the number of posts you correctly assessed for your final score:
1-2 Correct: You clearly have trouble discerning between truth and fiction. You should consider running for president.
3-4 Correct: Keep us all posted on your continued progress.
5-7 Correct: At this moment, you are euphoric.
8-9 Correct: You're so perceptive, you must be a writer.
10 Correct: Are you a Rick & Morty fan?
So how do you tell the difference between fake posts and real posts online? Heck if we know, everything is batshit insane.
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