CULTURE

Sharon Osbourne Might Be the Worst Person on Earth

Ozzy used to seem scary, but Sharon's story about endangering and firing an assistant is pure nightmare fuel.

The Sun

As a child, I remember the Osbourne family getting a reality show, and hearing that the shuffling, mumbling Ozzy Osbourne had once bitten the head off a dead bat in front of a crowd of Black Sabbath fans.

At the time it was hard for me to process how this shambolic man could once have been capable of such a horrific act, and the mystery of that transformation made him somehow even more terrifying. I was much less concerned with his wife, Sharon, whose cheery screeching would have seemed at home in a HOA meeting anywhere in the world. To me she seemed like an ordinary suburban mom, unwittingly wedded to an inhuman fiend.

Ozzy Osbourne

Today, that's no longer the case. I have grown up, Sharon has unmasked herself, and I have come to realize that Ozzy was the innocent victim all along. His dazed shuffling was no act. It wasn't concealing anything. The recent rumors that he had taken to his deathbed were unfounded, but they reflect a deeper truth. He has long been drained of the dark energy he once held by extended proximity to a more powerful malevolent being. Sharon Osbourne is my new nightmare fuel.

She revealed her true form on a December 26th episode of the BBC game show Would I Lie to You? The format of the show involves celebrity panelists telling stories about themselves that the other panelists have to judge to be either true or lies. The story Sharon told about herself spoke of such outrageous and oblivious cruelty that there was no question she was telling the truth. Her summary of the events tells the story plainly enough: "I once sacked a member of my staff because he showed absolutely no sense of humor during a house fire."

Did Ozzy Osbourne on FIRE get his assistant sacked?! | Would I Lie To You - BBC www.youtube.com

Generally the summaries on this show—when the stories are true—are revealed to be slightly hyperbolic versions of the actual events, exaggerated so their fellow panelists will mistake them for lies. But as the panelists dug into Sharon's story, the details become more and more upsetting. She describes a mishap that unfolded with a candle gifted to the family for Christmas, with the result that she woke up to find their living room and half of Ozzy's hair on fire. After a failed attempt of whacking him with a magazine, she managed to douse her husband by pushing him into the fountain.

That part is fine—even if she does claim to have been laughing at his suffering. Where the horror begins is when Ozzy's assistant enters the picture. When panelist Liz Bonnin—known for presenting wildlife programs in the UK—asks where the assistant was throughout this first part of the story, Osbourne responds, with disgust twisting her features, "Sleeping!" She seems to think that it's this assistant's responsibility to operate at such a pure level of subservience that sleep ceases to be a basic bodily function and only serves as a standby state for such times when assistance isn't needed. Bonnin's baffled, "How dare he…?" summarizes the natural human response to this level of entitlement, but Osbourne is just getting started.

Sharon Osbourne upset Getty Images

Her next step was to rouse the assistant from the guest house and send him into the burning building to retrieve the family's dogs, but not before grabbing valuable paintings. It's certainly understandable that a person would want their pets rescued in a situation like this, and maybe even ask someone else to do the saving if you don't feel up to it yourself. It may not be a reasonable request, but emotions run high when pets are in danger. But the paintings? Do they not have insurance on these valuable works of art? If I were the kind of person who valued my things above the safety and well-being of humans, I would definitely get those things insured. But maybe for Sharon Osbourne, having a disposable underling on hand is the best kind of insurance. That seems to be her thinking when she complains that he was "hemming and hawing" at the order to re-enter the burning building that she herself would not go into.

The most disturbing part of the story comes after the arrival of firefighters, who provide the assistant with an oxygen mask to ameliorate the risk of Carbon Monoxide poisoning. In her own words, Sharon Osbourne's response was to say, "How very dare you! You work here, and you get more paintings out right now!" and to pull the oxygen mask from his face and give it to her dog instead. The hierarchy of value in her head is so clearly warped to only account for what serves her needs and desires. A dog has value as a companion, a painting has value as an asset, but a worker has no value as a human—only as means to their employer's ends. Their reliance on her wealth renders them subhuman.

sharon osbourne gif

Later on, when Sharon and Ozzy were laughing about the incident and the assistant expressed some small portion of their resentment at this inhumane treatment and the trauma Sharon Osbourne had inflicted—as well as some concern about the health of their lungs—Sharon, rolling her eyes, recounts saying, "If you don't think that's funny, do you think this is funny… you're fired."

No one thinks it's funny, Sharon. You seem to think this is a story of you being sassy and tough, but the truth is that you are the kind of monster that keeps sane people up at night. At this point, biting the head off a bat would humanize you.

MUSIC

The Bloodiest Bands of All Time

These guys are bats*it crazy, but it's Spooky Season after all!

Spooky season is upon us, and that means that it's time for us to pay respect to the bands and artists that genuinely terrify us.

The world of music is such a diverse and creatively open environment, which is both a gift and a curse. It's a gift in that self-expression, no matter how horrid, is (usually) welcomed with open arms, and it's a curse because self-expression, no matter how horrid, is (usually) welcomed with open arms. Let's take a look at the worlds spookiest musical acts and pay homage to those that have scarred us forever!

Slipknot

You can't talk about scary musicians without discussing the antics of Corey Taylor's 17-piece metal ensemble: Slipknot. Those spooky masks aside, the guys have all come clean about the absolutely bats*it things they've done as a band. From getting pissed on by two girls to huffing the scent of a jarred bird's corpse to get high on stage, these guys have a gauntlet of horror stories seemingly with no end. Also, let's not forget that they got into a fight using their own feces. Rock on guys, I guess.

Kelly Osbourne tweets phone number but won't delete it...

Kelly Osbourne's tweets have got her in trouble before, but will she ever learn to keep things to herself?

Of course not!

As Popdust previously reported, Kelly's dad, Ozzy Osbourne has been having an affair with a hairdresser named Michelle Pugh.  It was said to be the last straw for Sharon Osbourne who kicked her straying husband of 33 years out of the house and been reportedly shopping around for a lawyer to file for divorce.

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Apparently though, Ozzy has now returned home, ended the affair and is begging his wife for forgiveness. He is said to be doing everything he can to save his marriage. There was a very awkward appearance by the married couple together at the launch of Ozzfest and they have been pictured sharing a ride in Beverly Hills together, so they're obviously talking at least.

Clearly there's still trouble at home though, and last night Kelly Osbourne planted herself firmly in the middle of it when she tweeted Michelle Pugh's phone number together with a message stating that users should call that number if they want a blow job!

https://twitter.com/KellyOsbourne/status/734891505509400576

Talk about not maintaining a dignified silence!

Twitter users were quick to respond, calling Kelly a bully and pointing out that Michelle wasn't the only one in the relationship—that Ozzy is to blame too. Kelly fought back though, rather unwisely.

She can't be serious surely? The definition of elder abuse is;

Elder abuse is a term referring to any knowing, intentional, or negligent act by a caregiver or any other person that causes harm or a serious risk of harm to a vulnerable adult.

So Kelly is saying that Ozzy is a vulnerable adult and in need of protection?

Who says Ozzy Osbourne is a vulnerable adult?

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The general consensus was that Kelly should butt out and STFU.  Also some felt that young, angry Kelly needed reminding that people in glass houses....

Not very nicely put, but they kinda have a point there.

Kelly still hasn't taken down the offending tweet, although the number, unsurprisingly, is now out of service. Bearing in mind Sharon's notoriously vindictive streak it's unlikely she'll find Kelly's actions anything other than funny.

So, Sharon Osbourne Made Up That Whole “Vaginal Rejuvenation” Thing

Ozzy seems to be keeping his head down at the moment and hoping to get Sharon back on side (presumably as a vulnerable adult he needs the care she provides),  Page Six report;

"His family really is very important to him and he's come to his senses.  Sharon is Ozzy's whole life; he can't manage without her."

It's not the first time Ozzy has strayed from his 63 year old wife who is his whole life.  He allegedly hooked up not only with a woman he met in AA but also a member of his tour staff. Sharon is still undecided as to whether she'll pull the trigger on the divorce, but is happy to play the long game;

"She'll wait months.  It's a huge decision with a lot of moving parts, so she's going to see how everything shakes out before deciding what she wants to do and what is best for their kids."

One thing Sharon is not, is dumb.  She'll know exactly how to spin this to her advantage, plus she's been in charge of Ozzy's career since they met, so he needs her more than she needs him. Hell, there's even speculation that the whole drama could be a PR stunt by Sharon just to drum up interest for the upcoming Black Sabbath tour!

Nothing would surprise us!

 

 Kelly Osbourn tweets phone number of Ozzy's alleged mistress