Culture Feature

Best Video Games to Gift People You Secretly Hate For Christmas

A handy guide on what video games you should give people to let them know that you actually hate them.

Titus Interactive

As an adult, Christmas is about one thing and one thing only: Buying gifts for people you secretly hate.

Everyone who's ever disappointed you, everyone who's ever wronged you––you'll be forced to spend time with all of them this holiday season, and they're expecting presents. Thoughtful presents.

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Film Lists

5 Beloved Franchises That Hollywood Can Legally Ruin

Find out if your favorite childhood memory is going to be destroyed.

Hollywood options everything nowadays — meaning they buy the rights, or "option," to turn an existing property into a movie or show.

Your favorite book? Optioned. Your favorite comic? Optioned. Your favorite movie that was already a freaking movie in the first place so why would they possibly need to make it again? Oh yeah, that's optioned. That's optioned so hard.

But some things shouldn't be optioned. Not every beloved childhood book is meant to be a blockbuster. Not every cartoon character is intended to be "brought to life" by some generic hunk with too much hair gel. Some things need to be left alone. Because sometimes you know way before a movie or show gets made that it's going to be really, really bad.

The Phantom Tollbooth



If you loved The Phantom Tollbooth novel, an adventure story rife with deep underlying themes about education, the pursuit of knowledge, and sensible governance, you might be happy to know that it's receiving a "live-action/hybrid" film adaptation directed by the same guy who did Ice Age: The Meltdown. While The Phantom Tollbooth could potentially work as a feature in the right hands, current Hollywood trends, including A Wrinkle In Time and Alice in Wonderland, seem to equate deep children's classics with lifeless, live-action CGI-fests. But if the book's concept of a young boy combatting ennui through abstract thought sounds less attractive than what will probably be twenty minutes of the big guard dog unsuccessfully trying to pick up a tiny bone, this adaptation might be right up your alley.

Danny and the Dinosaur



Danny and the Dinosaur is a delightful children's book about a boy named Danny who goes to a museum, meets a dinosaur who comes to life, and the two play together for a bit. There is no narrative thrust to Danny and the Dinosaur other than the dinosaur randomly being alive and Danny going to a park with it. It's the most simplistic form of childhood wish fulfillment, hinging entirely on relating to six-year-olds who agree that "hanging out with a dinosaur would be cool." That is not a movie, and certainly not "a vehicle for top comedy talent." What story could they possibly add to Danny and the Dinosaur? Maybe the Dinosaur gets hungry and can't control his need for human meat. Now it's up to Danny to stop the Dinosaur, lest all his friends and family become extinct. That's actually pretty good, and if anyone is interested in buying that idea, it's mine so please contact me.

Naruto



Let's say this right off the bat: anime should not be adapted into live-action Hollywood fare. First, a large portion of anime's appeal derives from the animation styles, so that's an automatic knock against live-action. But more importantly, anime stories are Japanese in origin. They run on Japanese sensibilities and star Japanese characters. If Hollywood were aiming to truly adapt these works into accurate live-action representations, fine, go for it. But every prior Hollywood anime adaptation — from Ghost in the Shell to Netflix's Death Note to the horrendous Dragon Ball: Evolution — has been whitewashed to hell and Americanized to the point of being unrecognizable. So brace yourself for American Naruto, the story of a young white ninja named Naruto who hails from the Hidden Potato Village located somewhere in Idaho. As a student in the American art of ninjutsu, Naruto and his fellow white ninja trainees––his crush, Sarah, and his rival, Steven––must defeat Zachary, an evil sword-wielding ninja who is also white and hails from the Village Hidden in the Corn. Will they be able to recover the secret hamburger scroll in time to save the Country Music Jamboree, or will Zachary emerge as the true heir to the Harley Davidson technique? Find out in American Naruto.

Cowboy Bebop



Cowboy Bebop is different from a lot of other anime in that a Hollywood live-action series could potentially work in this case. For one, the animation style is more adult, originally intended for a mature audience. As such, the jump to live-action isn't as jarring as it would be for a more cartoony series. Moreover, many of the characters and plot lines are influenced by Western tropes and genres, specifically "Spaghetti Westerns" like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and sci-fi fare like Alien. The real problem here is that the original Cowboy Bebop is a bona fide masterpiece, so pulling off an adequate adaptation would require top-tier writing, directing, acting, fight choreography, etc. Anything less will fall apart completely. Cowboy Bebop has one of the strongest, albeit subtlest emotional thrusts of any anime series to-date, and if their handling of Death Note offers any indication, Netflix probably isn't up to the task.

Sonic the Hedgehog



"What if Sonic the Hedgehog was a f*cking monstrosity?" This is the only sentiment that could justify the upcoming live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie. And unfortunately, no matter how much we wish and hope and pray it wasn't true, it is –– this one's definitely happening. But don't worry, the "Brand Personality" slide accidentally leaked by the movie's graphic design firm assures us that even if live-action Sonic looks like something that wants to grope you, he's really just "chill and likable" and "mischievous but not malicious." Welcome to douchey frat-bro Sonic with his dead eyes and abnormally jacked legs. Delight, as he breaks into your room at night, slips into your bed, and then assures you it was "just a prank." This movie is going to be an absolute dumpster fire. Also, Jim Carrey will be playing Dr. Robotnik. Please end this.


Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com



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Gaming

GAMING NEWS | Interview with the CEO & Founder of Utomik, Doki Tops!

I got a chance to share a few emails with the CEO of this fun gaming service.

Utomik

As some of you may know, I dropped some news that Utomik, a gaming subscription service, partnered with Curve Digital - a pretty awesome indie developer. While the platform isn't perfect yet, it definitely has an interesting selection of games that seems to be growing more and more each passing week. And while it doesn't give us an unlimited Netflix-esque experience yet - I feel like it's definitely on it's way. So, I emailed with CEO, Doki Tops, to figure just what makes this service special. 1

First off, tell me about your service, Utomik, in your own words.

In short, we serve people an 'all-you-can-eat' unlimited gaming buffet for a monthly subscription fee. What that means, is that with Utomik people get to play anything they want on our service, as much as they want. With a weekly growing library there's always something new for you to give a try. The beauty of a subscription service like ours is that you're not spending a cent more than the monthly fee. It enables people to go outside their comfort zone and discover something new, something they otherwise probably never have bought in a traditional digital store.

If there's something that appeals to you, you only have to press the 'Play' button and you're usually playing the game within a minute, depending on your internet connection. That's also a thing that no digital store currently offers! With our smart download tech you never have to wait hours for your game to download. Our tech calculates how much of the game you need to start playing, based on your internet connection, so you get to jump in the game really quick. The rest downloads in the background to your PC while you're playing! You can also say goodbye to updating and patching games every week!

We offer a wide variety of genres, so there's something for every type of player. We have AAA classics, retro titles, indie gems, and family-friendly games. Whether you want to play Batman: Arkham Asylum, Saints Row IV, the old Star Wars games, high-quality indies, or a casual time management title, we've got you covered!

Arkham Asylum is one of few AAA titles in the servicemedia.giphy.com

What are your goals for Utomik?

Our mission is to "Unleash Gaming". For us that means giving more people easy access to a big variety of games. That feeling when you discover something cool on Netflix is what we want to bring to gaming. So far with more than 700 games we've come a long way, but we've just started. We want to become a big player in this space. Currently we've been compared to all the big names and have come out on top quite a few times. As a small start-up that makes us really proud.

We will get more and newer content to the platform and will be expanding on our day one release strategy, we recently launched another one of those and the content we release is fresher every week. Also currently we are doing this in the realm of PC but we are looking into other platforms for the future.

What would you say separates Utomik from other game streaming platforms like Jump?

Our diversity, technology and personal approach certainly makes us stand out from the crowd. Our variety lets you play a big open world game, while the next day you want to get a little more philosophical with a deep indie title or play a hidden object game. In a family account, which we support, this becomes even more valuable.

We release a minimum of 5 titles every week to expand our portfolio, and we try to keep in mind different kinds of players. That makes it more exciting to start up Utomik and seeing what's new for you! Our technology lets you get into the game after only downloading a small part of the game. Start playing in a minute, no long downloads or patches.

And finally, unlike many platforms we have a very personal approach. We take our time to talk to every single person that wants to engage with us. Next to our main Facebook page and Twitter account, we have our Facebook Community group, a public Discord channel, four days that we livestream on Twitch, YouTube and Facebook, at two different times a day, and we make YouTube videos in which we recommend games from our library. We also interview indie developers once a week on our livestream, so people can jump in and ask them all their questions and occasionally get a sneak peek of a new project they're working on! We want to share our love of games with everybody that wants to listen. :D

Do you think that a service like Utomik is where gaming is headed?

Definitely! Otherwise we wouldn't be doing this. ;) With so many games nowadays needing very big downloads, updates and patches before you can even start playing, we see a growing request for a service like ours. You just want to click 'Play' and get into a game, not having to wait an hour.

Then there's the trend of on demand in every other entertainment industry. Netflix and Spotify let users engage with content without friction. This lets people listen to new music or unknown films without friction. This is missing in gaming and we believe it is definitely the future.

In this world it's getting harder and harder for gamers to stay up-to-date with every new game getting released. A big chunk of gamers are people with a full time job, maybe a family, and they might have other hobbies next to gaming too. They don't have the time to read every gaming website, watch Let's Plays or livestreams. They just want to sit down and play something like they do with all their other media! We take away the overload of information and let them enjoy themselves for the limited time they might have. And you can be certain that every game that we have on our platform is up to standard due to our curation. Something that can't be said for regular storefronts.

You say you hand pick your titles - how do you decide what kind of games get a spot on your service?

Every game that gets added needs to either be critically acclaimed, loved by players from that genre or niche, or have won awards. Besides that we also look if a certain game fits our audience or if we need to add titles within a certain genre to give our players more choice there. But before a game gets released on Utomik it needs to take one final hurdle: our Ninjas. They're a group of Utomik subscribers that help us curate the titles that get added. Everybody with a Utomik subscription can apply for this program but we try to keep this group as varied as possible so that every type of player is represented. We ask them to play the games we want to add and let us know what they think of them. They don't like it? Then we don't add it! Who knows better what they want to play than your own users, right? We always want to keep that human factor in our selection process. We're very proud and thankful for the group of people we have in our Ninja Squad at the moment.

This partnership with Curve Media is great! Do you want to have more of an independent presence on Utomik? Like, are you going to try for more indie games, or do you want a good mix of both indie and AAA titles?

We keep aiming for a good mix of both but a partnership like the one with Curve definitely helps us cement our position as the leading indie platform. We're being supported by a lot of indie developers and publishers at the moment already. You'll only see this number grow in the future. We push hard to get the best indie titles on our service! I can't wait to show you our upcoming games.

Everybody at Utomik is a big fan of indie games! We're very excited to give them a platform where they can reach a completely new audience, or get rediscovered by people that didn't get to play their game when it originally released.

And lastly, what would you say is the best part of Utomik?

For me it's the great games that I got to discover and play on Utomik. That, together with our staff and the community make it the best. We are lucky to have a very passionate staff and community that helps and supports us in making Utomik the best it can be. Without them we wouldn't be where we are today and I am very thankful for that.

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Gaming

GAMING NEWS | What does Curve Digital add to gaming service, Utomik's, library?

Up-and-coming subscription service, Utomik, has just partnered with Curve Digital, adding some pretty sweet titles to their ever expanding selection of games.

Utomik is a PC-based gaming subscription service that offers an ever-expanding collection of indie and AAA titles. This 600+ collection includes well-known titles like Borderlands and Batman: Arkham Asylum, and more independent games like Yono and the Celestial Elephants, and Deponia. How they operate is simple - they get rid of the hassle of long installations but downloading just enough of the game to your hard disk and allowing you to play as it finishes! It's a simple concept, and honestly, I don't know how sold I am on them, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The beauty of the service is supposed to be its unlimited gaming with a low price, and thanks to their partnership with Curve Digital, they are one step closer to making that statement a reality. Since I last got their press release, I was given the opportunity to try the service for myself. I admit, I am not a huge fan of subscription services - I find the lack of ownership of things to a little too loose for me. Still, I decided to give them a chance, because they definitely seemed to be more robust than other services.

When I booted them up for the first time, I was impressed by their Netflix-like front page. The design felt easy to navigate. I decided to try one of the Curve Digital games first, Hue. Downloading the game was a simple enough experience - it took a few moments for a sufficient chunk of the game to finish installing before I could play - and it went off without a hitch. I played for about an hour and had no real issue. There were no freezes or bugs - everything ran smoothly.

Of course, Hue is just a 2D platformer - and it's not like I was trying to run Fallout 4 or Witch III. So, I decided to try a larger game, Borderlands, and again - it went off without a hitch. It took a little longer to download, needing 828mb before starting. But the game ran smoothly, and I never had a moment that threw me for a loop.

I think the main issue I have with the service is the phrase, "unlimited gaming," because it is very limited. They do have a lot of titles, but they don't have a lot of major titles. Of course, this is unfair to say, because it's hard - and they do seem to be getting a steady of flow of new content. And, they it's not like they don't have a large selection, they definitely have some games worth playing - and that's to their new partnership, they've got even more.

Games like Hue, Manual Samual, Serial Cleaner, Hue, Human: Fall Flat, and Skitbold: A Dodgeball Adventure are fun titles and I hope that the service experiences more growth as they expand. And while it doesn't have quite off an unlimited gaming experience, the experience it does offer is well worth the low price of $10. If you want to experience the service for yourself, you can check out the website here.

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