Everyone knows Disney is taking over the world, but did you know they can predict the future?
In 2010, the company responsible for all your favorite animated films released a reimagining of the classic Rapunzel story called Tangled. If you aren't familiar with the adorable movie, it follows the adventures of a youthful, sassy Rapunzel who has magic hair that keeps the witch who claims to be her mother young forever. To keep this secret weapon away from the rest of the world, Mother Gothel locks Rapunzel in a tower in a village called...Corona. That's right: Rapunzel was quarantined in a Kingdom called Corona.
Twitter users are, of course, losing their ever loving minds over the coincidence:
So, while it remains to be seen whether this "coincidence" means that Disney engineered the coronavirus to keep us all at home watching Disney+ or that they simply know the future, we can all take comfort in knowing that at least Rapunzel's self isolation led to her finding her perfect man.
From that moment, as an infant, you are laid upon a Minnie Mouse Buddy Blanket to absorb the sights and sounds of Bambi blasting at you from your family TV, your life belongs to Disney.
Swaddled in your Dumbo onesie, drinking from a Tigger bottle, and squeezing a Simba Cuddleez plush, you are innocent of the world's woes, and with the help of Walt Disney's Imagineers, you can remain that way until your dying breath.
Obviously the infinite expansion of Disney's media empire has stunned the whole world in recent years—with Star Wars, Marvel, and Fox all being subsumed by the undying hunger of Walt's frozen zombie head. But you don't just have to limit yourself to watching Disney movies and TV Shows in theaters, on dedicated Television networks, and on the Disney+ streaming service.
Nor are you confined to the associated Disney merchandise or the expansive catalog of Disney music—available on radio Disney and in the form of live, orchestral performances. No, you can give over your every life experience to the Disney brand.
Disney
Want to travel the world? No need to take the risk that you might experience anything unexpected along the way; just leave your adventure in the familiar, competent hands of the Disney corporation and its travel subsidiaries. Orlando, Los Angeles, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and Shanghai! Experience them all through Disney's theme parks, without having to engage with the local culture or learn the language—because all the signs and menus are in English!
And if rides, parades, fireworks, and replica streets that could almost convince you that you're in a real place aren't your thing (there must be something wrong with you), then you can always go on a Disney cruise—travel the high seas with your favorite Disney characters! With itineraries that can take you around Alaska, Hawaii, Mexico, the Bahamas, Europe, and more, you can genuinely devote every vacation you ever take to the monopoly of the Mouse. Huzzah!
No doubt, on your journey, you'll meet a lot of like-minded Disneyphiles, and you may even find one with whom you share enough other twisted perversions that you want to spend your life together. Well, good news! Disney just introduced a brand new line of Disney princess-inspired wedding dresses, so you or your heteronormative bride can walk down the aisle in a chaste white ensemble that might vaguely remind someone of Belle, Aurora, Tiana, Pocahontas, Ariel, Cinderella, Jasmine, Rapunzel, or Snow White! Priced from only $1,200 up to $10,000—in case you don't want to look like knock-off trash—you might as well buy the whole set!
Of course your ceremony will have to take place in a Disney park, but have you considered whether you want your special day to have a nighttime view of Cinderella's castle in Disney World—starting at $30,000 (though it's unclear how much extra it will cost to have Baby Yoda as your ring bearer)—or if you would rather link your life to another person in the Rose Court Garden in Disneyland—where they filmed Disney Fairytale Weddings?
For those you that don't know, I am a huge fan of Kingdom Hearts. It's one of the first games I ever beat completely, and I have followed it carefully since 2005 - back when I was just a 9 year-old little tyke. Since it's first game, Kingdom Hearts has been a massive success across virtually every platform (except for anything Microsoft owned, for now) thanks to its many, many prequels and mid-quels. But despite the success, people have been wondering just what's happening with third main installment.
Back in 2013, a reveal trailer was released and showed that not only was Kingdom Hearts III finally in development, but it was going to be on an all new engine with a nice new set of intense battle mechanics. Of course, the fanfare was short lived as we were quickly told that the game was far from finished.
Flash-forward to last week. Not only have we been given an amazing trailer that seems to contain a lot of new content, but we've also got Hikaru Utada's latest theme! And let me tell you something, it is beautiful. Plus, we also have a new trailer from the D23 expo, showcasing new worlds and some brilliant new game play mechanics. It looks dazzling and chaotic and more alive than I've seen a Kingdom Hearts game since KH2.
KINGDOM HEARTS III Theme Song Trailer – “Don’t Think Twice” by Hikaru Utada
KINGDOM HEARTS III is coming to Microsoft Xbox One and Sony PlayStation® 4 in 2018. Fore More Information: https://goo.gl/mJVt5i International superstar Hika...
KINGDOM HEARTS III – D23 Expo Japan 2018 Monsters, Inc. Trailer
KINGDOM HEARTS III is coming to Microsoft Xbox One and Sony PlayStation® 4 in 2018. Find more information: https://goo.gl/mKWRUC Originally aired at Disney’s...
Here are my thoughts on both trailers:
The Monster's Inc. World and Toy Story
I'm super pumped about this. I think they're an amazing addition to the many Disney-filled world's we've been given in the past. I'm pumped to see Pixar finally making an appearance in the Kingdom Hearts mythos. And it seems like the design team has worked really hard in keeping the spirits of the both Toy Story and Monster's Inc. in their design. Although, I am curious as to how they're going to incorporate each of the games' stories into the game.
From what little we've seen, it feels like they're taking more of a KH1 approach - and making the story of each world revolve around Sora and company. Unlike KH2, which had every world going through the stories of the films they were inspired by... and Sora just happened to step in and help.
Who knows?
Tangled World
We've also seen more of the beautiful forested world - and I'm pretty sure that it's the Tangled world that got confirmed a while back. It looks amazing - and I can't wait to explore every nook and cranny of it.
Marluxia
What? Where did he come from? I guess I shouldn't be surprised - after all, we all know how crazy this series can get. For those that don't know, Marluxia was the final boss of Sora's section of the Gameboy Advanced midquel, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. And here he is, back again - or perhaps this isn't Marluxia? Maybe he's returned to normal, and just kept the cool coat.
I know I would have.
Sora/Ventus/Roxas/Vanitas
This crazy grouping seems to also be getting some closure. We even see Vanitas - the dark version of BbS protagonist, Ventus - approaching Sora and doing something nefarious. Perhaps we'll find out why Vanitas looks so much like Sora? We also see Xemnas and company confronting Sora - no doubt trying to talk to him about Roxas for whatever reason? I don't know for sure.
The only person that isn't really talked about is Ventus - who we saw react to Sora's happiness at the end of Dream Drop Distance. I can only imagine what's going to happen with them - after all, it seems that Terra, Ventus, and Aqua are going to be a major part of this installment.
Riku and Mickey
We also see an clip of Riku abandoning his old, dark keyblade in the World of Darkness - and saying that he doesn't need it anymore. I can't wait to see what this game has in store for him - I hope they do the KH:3D route and give us both his and Sora' story side-by-side.
What's Missing?
Nothing, as far as I can see. I think they are smart in steadily revealing their details. The game is set to come out this year, and is apparently supposed to have a surprise that creator, Tetsuya Nomura, has been wanting to add since he created the series.
But that could be me hoping too much.
What do you think? Is there anything I've missed? Is there some story element that went over my head that was confirmed ages ago? Let me know!
Shann Smith is a freelance writer, screenwriter, playwright, gamer, and film/TV lover. When he's not working on his columns for Popdust, he's doing his best to create and consume as much media as he can!