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Double Standards Are Still Alive in Bachelor Nation: Demi Bernett vs. Tanner Tolbert

On Tuesday night, Tanner Tolbert took to Twitter to air his opinions about fellow Bachelor in Paradise contestant, Demi Burnett.

In the since-deleted tweet, he insinuated that Demi coming onto the show while in an open relationship is just as bad as what Jed Wyatt did to recent Bachelorette, Hannah Brown. Jed Wyatt, the bane of the Bachelor production's existence, came onto the show despite having an monogamous girlfriend. Months later, when he was actually engaged to Hannah, the news broke that he'd lied straight to her face; he claimed that he didn't know what he was getting into when he signed up for the show. This came months after he admitted that he'd joined the cast as an opportunity for his "music" career.

Cut-to Demi Burnett. The night Demi came out as bisexual on television, Tanner took the moment to shed light on what he saw as a double standard that condemned Jed but condoned Demi. However, in Demi's case, her relationship is non-exclusive, and she was upfront about wanting to explore her options with the bachelor only a few days into her season on Bachelor in Paradise. In contrast, Jed took six months.

Understandably, Demi did not take kindly to Tanner's assertion. She clapped back on Twitter to shut down the absurd comparison.

Obviously, the blunt response received mixed reviews, due to its explicit language and content. Some praised Demi for shutting down Tanner's criticism, while others questioned her intentions and her lack of tact.



After her notifications were flooded with both critics and members of Bachelor Nation, Demi chose to respond to one tweet. She proclaimed that she's "not a role model" and doesn't owe the public anything, especially not an apology.

Unfortunately, this is not the first, nor will it likely be the last, time in the Bachelor universe that a woman is faced with harsher criticism based on society's double standard about personal, sexual, and romantic relationships . As much as the show would like to claim it's progressive, a portion of their fans are lagging far behind in the times and in sense of humor.

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On "Bachelor in Paradise," Demi Burnett Is Here and She's Queer!

Crown her!

Instagram

Bachelor Nation has always been known for forcing its contestants and leads to conform to societal norms.

Whether or not the franchise would like to admit it, the majority of their audience is Caucasian Christians. So when Demi Burnett, the "villain" from Colton Underwood's season, took to Twitter to reveal that she's, in fact, a "queer queen," backlash was expected. Immediately, the former contestant received hateful direct messages all across her social platforms, specifically on Twitter. While the majority of her cast members spoke out in support of Demi, the trailer for the upcoming season of Bachelor in Paradise frustrated queer viewers with how it depicted Burnett.

Bachelor in Paradise 2019 (First Look) Trailer www.youtube.com

The woman Demi is making out in the Paradise trailer is her girlfriend, Kristian Haggerty. She's never before been involved with the show, aside from knowing a former contestant, Catherine Agro, who introduced her to Demi. Some viewers, like myself, grew worried that the show brought on Demi's girlfriend to use a same-sex relationship to, in short, pat itself on the back for "progressive" representation.

That has yet to play out, but we'll see how it does on August 19th on ABC. Until then, no one can truly judge what happens without watching the footage. But in last night's episode, a simple but moving moment happened: Demi came out to multiple cast members. She sat down with fellow Paradise contestant and friend, Katie Morton, to discuss her predicament. While she enjoys pursuing Derek Peth, she cannot stop thinking about the woman she was dating back home. Demi discussed her feelings about not wanting to hurt anyone in her process of self-discovery, her desire to be open and explore her options, but also her internal struggles.

Katie actively listened and didn't make a point to comment until Demi expressed concern over what will people think of her. Katie assured her, "First of all, it doesn't matter what anyone feels about it." Katie and Demi's shared movement clearly conveyed how much of a toll hiding one's sexual identity can take on a person. Afterward, Demi let go of the persona she'd put on for show. She noted how tired she was of being strong, putting up a shield, and not fully allowing herself to embrace her sexuality.

The heart-stopping moment was more meaningful than when she came out to her current love interest, Derek, or fellow contestant, Tayshia. This was a real moment between two close friends who support one another. When they tearfully hugged, I was in tears. The scene was relatable to many queer people, especially those attracted to both men and females. Demi struggled to feel "okay" and accept herself, which is an experience that viewers across America still need to be exposed to. Representation is important for media's normalization of queer people, no matter where they fall in the spectrum of sexual orientation, and for a network reality television program as conservative as the Bachelor franchise to take a step forward provides hope.

Unfortunately, the first time a Bachelor contestant came out as liking both men and women, the situation was (shockingly!) not handled respectfully. When Jaimi King, a contestant on Nick Viall's season, joined Paradise, it was over-sensationalized. She was portrayed as a wild card who would try to snatch up both women and men—who knows if she could commit to anyone! But that was back in 2017. A lot can change in a couple years in the Bachelor world.

No matter what comes later this season on Bachelor in Paradise, Demi coming out to Katie, Tayshia, and Derek is noteworthy and felt genuine. Demi may be scared, but as Katie mentioned, she "should be brave," and we all deserve friends and love like that.

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A Bachelor Nation History Lesson: The Franchise's Wildest Moments

Here are the most notable yet lesser known moments in the franchise's wild and problematic history.

ABC

Before Luke P. came around for the Bachelorette Hannah Brown finally gave him a piece of her mind, the franchise had plenty of wild moments.

Nowadays Bachelor Nation is compromised of many new fans who are unaware of the series' past. A proper history lesson can allow a fan to be better equipped to converse, compare, and critique shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Here are the most notable but less-known crazy moments for those Bachelor Nation newbies.

Jesse Palmer Says the Wrong Name

Before getting to harsher realities of the program, we'll start with something light.

Learning 24 names during one evening would be difficult for anybody. The Bachelor season 5 lead, Jesse Palmer, happened to say the wrong woman's name. Instead of giving a rose to Karen, he accidentally gave it to Katie, someone he meant to send home on night one. Embarrassed, he extended the invitation for Katie to stay, which she unfortunately accepted. Katie deserved better!

Jesse Gives Rose to the Wrong Girl - The Bachelor www.youtube.com

Lindsay Yenter Reacts in the Best Way

During Bachelor Sean Lowe's season finale, he sent home frontrunner Lindsey Yenter. When he went to walk her out, she took off her heels in a smooth IDGAF move: big mood.

Sad Music - Sean Lowe says "Goodbye" to Lindsey Yenter - Bachelor 2013 www.youtube.com

2-on-1 in The Badlands

Before the emotional intelligence showdown between Corinne and Taylor, Bachelor Nation staple Ashley laconetti got into it with Chris Soules's contestant, Kelsey Poe. Their 2-on-1 was one of the most uncomfortable, dramatic dates the franchise has ever seen. Iaconetti called out Poe for being condescending; Poe then used her talking head segment to put Ashley down for generally being dumb, fake, young, and wearing too much make-up. The season was shot in 2014, which demonstrates how recent tearing down women was seen as okay.

The Bachelor - 2-on-1 Date Awkward Silence www.youtube.com

Skinny Dipping Seen Around the Nation

We remember when the season's villain, Courtney Robertson, won Ben Flajnik's heart on the 16th season of The Bachelor. Their engagement was a surprise to many. Similarly, viewers across the nation were shocked when the show aired the two skinny-dipping in Puerto Rico. In retrospect, the 2012 controversial moment now looks like a lot of good fun.

Ben And Courtney Go Midnight Skinny Dipping! | The Bachelor US www.youtube.com

Brooks Forester Breaks Up with The Bachelorette

The season 17 Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, was shocked and heartbroken when Brooks Forester broke up with her right before the finale. In tears, she seemed ready to choose and build a life with the contestant. Luckily, all ended happily for the lead; in 2015 she married the winner of her season, Chris Siegfrield.

Brooks Breaks Up With Desiree - The Bachelorette www.youtube.com

Everything Juan Pablo

Juan Pablo was the worst, most misogynistic Bachelor the show has ever seen. Andi called out the Bachelor for belittling her decision to be there, runner-up Clare told him off for breaking up with her after claiming he loved her, and yet he only told the winner, Nikki Ferrel, that he likes her "a lot," with a wink.

The Bachelor - Juan Pablo Tells Andi It's Okay www.youtube.com


Who Can Forget This Epic Moment from Monday's Finale of The Bachelor? www.youtube.com


Bachelor 2014 - Nikki Ferrell Gets The Final Rose www.youtube.com

Nick Viall Slut-Shames Andi Dorfman

Andi was never afraid to put a man in his place for his unwise words. On her Bachelorette season's "After the Final Rose" episode, Nick asked Andi why she had sex with him if she did not love him. The lead immediately rejected the inappropriate, sexist question, retorting that it was "below the belt" and should "be kept private."

Bachelorette Finale - Nick Confronts Andi About Sex Suite www.youtube.com

Kaitlyn Bristowe's Caught on Camera with Nick Viall

On Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe's season, she decided to break from the format and be intimate with a contestant before the show's Fantasy Suites. Bristowe later received a lot of backlash for the decision. In fact, back to back Bachelorettes bore the brunt of the show's sexist double standard about sex.

Kaitlyn and Nick Get it On - The Bachelor www.youtube.com

Rozlyn Is Accused of Hooking Up with a Producer

The show has never and will never fully protect the women on any of the franchise's shows. On Jake Pavelka's season of The Bachelor, the production team decided to humiliate contestant Rozlyn Papa for having an "inappropriate" relationship with a producer to stir up drama. The unnecessary moment will go down in the show's absurd and emotionally abusive history. PSA: No matter what anyone says, Chris Harrison is complicit and the show doesn't need him.

Rozlyn Accused Of "Inappropriate" Relationship With TV Producer | The Bachelor US www.youtube.com

Jake Pavelka's On-Air Breakup With Vienna Girardi

The winner of Jake Pavelka's season, Vienna Girardi, broke down during an interview with Pavelka and host, Chris Harrison. As Girardi begins to explain herself, Pavelka butts in; when she tries to get in another word, he verbally reprimands his fiancé. The Bachelor continued to mistreat Giardi, truly looking like a psychopath comparable to Luke P.

Jake and Vienna's Breakup - The Bachelor www.youtube.com

A Blatant Racist on Rachel Lindsay's Season

Instead of giving the racist contestant from Rachel Lindsay's season a cameo on this listicle, the harassed contestant Kenny King will get the floor. The Bachelorette production gained a lot of criticism for completely mishandling their first black Bachelorette's season by casting Lee Garrett on the show—a man who once equated Black Lives Matter to "terrorism." Critics are still questioning whether or not the show even deserves to have another person of color lead the show after this complete mess.

Kenny Voices His Frustrations About Lee - The Bachelorette 13x4 www.youtube.com

Emily Maynard's Daughter Is Not Baggage

Single mother Emily Maynard shot down contestant Kalon after word spread that he called her daughter "baggage." Maynard refused to tolerate that and immediately sent him home like the badass she was.

The Bachelorett- Emily Vs. Kalon www.youtube.com

Brad Womack Chooses No One

Brad Womack stunned viewers across the nation when he ended up with none of the 25 contestants from his season. While the Bachelor came back to lead a second season, he has still yet to find love, even after becoming engaged to the future Bachelorette star, Emily Maynard.

Brad Picks No One - The Bachelor www.youtube.com

The Jason Mesnick Move

Before Arie Luyendyk Jr. broke up with Becca Kufrin to chase after the runner-up and his now wife, Lauren Burnham, in a historic, unedited scene, season 4 Bachelor Jason Mesnick broke up with the winner, Melissa, for Molly on-air. As the wildest moment on the franchise, this laid the foundation for Luyendyk Jr. to also get ripped apart by America's Bachelor Nation. Fortunately, all worked out for everyone involved; Jason and Molly are still married 9 years later and have a daughter named Anne, along with Jason's son, Ty. Arie and Lauren also are living happily ever after and have a daughter, Alessi Ren.

Jason Rejects Melissa for Molly - The Bachelor www.youtube.com

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Twitter Recaps "The Bachelorette" Week 8: A Love Letter to Mike

#MikeForBachelor

If you're still keeping up with Season 15 of The Bachelorette, you've demonstrated great perseverance, maybe even as great as St. Catherine.

Hannah Brown's season has gotten messy, in the best and worst ways. After People Magazine broke the story that Jed Wyatt, a contestant, had a girlfriend before the show and then also cheated on that girlfriend with another woman, Bachelor Nation went crazy. Every moment he's on the show is somehow more despicable than watching Luke P be a pathological liar. Still, Luke P. has stuck around for reasons that many are still failing to comprehend.

Hannah's One-On-One With Jed

After everything we know now, it's very difficult to watch Hannah go on a date with Jed. Their time together was boring until Hannah told Jed she was falling in love with him. Bachelor Nation cringed and defended Hannah against the true villain of the season, Jed.



Hannah's One-On-One with Tyler

Hannah's date with Tyler wasn't very exciting. They spent their awkward time together roaming the city on horses and eating odd food.


It wasn't until the evening portion that Tyler C. opened up about his family's past. His father lost everything he had after the 2008 market crash, and then his parents got divorced. Hannah went on to share details of her family life. She disclosed that her parents are in a happy marriage, but they're horrible at communicating. The moment was surprisingly honest for the show—to viewers' delight and her parents' embarrassment.


A Moment of Silence for Connor: He was never making it to hometowns.

Connor S. had barely received any screen time since his one-on-one. He faded into the background for viewers and, apparently, for Hannah. When the contestant knew he wasn't going on a one-on-one the week before hometowns, he went to visit Hannah for their own alone time. Hannah wasn't really ecstatic about the surprise and truthfully told him she just doesn't see it happening for them.

Hannah's One-On-One With Mike

After telling Jed she was in love with him and then an "explosive" date with Tyler, Hannah realized that she couldn't keep Mike around. She especially couldn't meet his family knowing how big of a step that was for Mike.

The contestant took the break-up with grace as he consoled Hannah.

Everyone:



After Mike went home, Luke P. was happy because there's one less contestant battling for Hannah's heart. Tyler C. called him out in the most glorious fashion.



The Group Date

To sum up the painful and barely entertaining group date, there was annoying drama between Garrett and Luke. Thankfully, our sweet Pilot Pete stayed in his own lane.





So there we have it: Luke P, Pilot Pete, Jed, and Tyler C. are all bringing Miss Hannah Brown home to meet their families.


Fin (@ Jed)

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The Sexist Double Standard on "The Bachelorette"

On The Bachelorette, it's a woman who bears the burden of other people's opinions about her choices and who's saddled with the repercussions. Why?

The main Bachelorettes effected.

ABC

Before Nick Viall became a Bachelor Nation staple, he was the guy who confronted his ex, Bachelorette Andi Dorfman, on national television.

"Knowing how in love with you I was, if you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why you made love with me," he said accusingly. Dorfman retorted that was "below the belt" and should "be kept private."

What Nick Viall divulged might have been met with pity if a woman had expressed it—because men take advantage of women all the time. But on The Bachelor, no woman has taken issue with the leading man being intimate with another woman. In contrast, time and time again, the men on The Bachelorette become possessive and force the female contestant to defend her actions, specifically her sexual decisions. It's clear that the Bachelor can have sex with his female suitors whenever he pleases and receive no backlash from the contestants or from Bachelor Nation.

Bachelorette Finale - Nick Confronts Andi About Sex Suite www.youtube.com

Meanwhile, Dorfman received a lot of flack for hurting Nick's feelings. Similarly, the following bachelorette, Kaitlyn Bristowe, also received backlash for having sex with Nick Viall before the "fantasy suites." It's an unspoken rule that the fantasy suites are where the final four contestants are free to do whatever they want during their first time away from the cameras. The production team typically stocks the suite with sweets, alcohol, and condoms for each pair's indulgence.

For Nick to have sex with Bristowe before the "fantasy suite" format seemed hypocritical. Here we had a man who implied that Dorfman was cruel to have sex with him because she did not end up committing to him. A year later, Nick even defended Kaitlyn's choice to have sex with him on the show, tweeting, "Sex is not shameful. Whether we want to admit it or not, sex is an important part of many serious and meaningful relationships." While Nick has since apologized, it's still important to acknowledge that he shamed Dorfman for her sexual expression in front of millions. Yet, it was Bristowe and Dorfman who received the brunt of the backlash, with people across the nation slut-shaming them, while Nick got away scot-free.

Last night, yet another Bachelorette had to address a man's issue with her sexual actions. While on her first one-on-one date in Latvia, Hannah and Garrett bungee jumped naked (as is Latvian tradition). The date was riveting, vulnerable, and fun. It was an experience for the couple and the viewers.

When Garrett came back from his date, he giddily recounted it to the other men, but resident villain Luke P. did not receive the news of the naked bungee jumping kindly. He told the camera that he didn't believe Hannah would do that, and if she did, it'd be a slap in the face to him.

On their group date, Hannah referred to her date with Garrett and confirmed what Garrett said. Reality finally hit Luke P., and he was pissed. During the evening portion of the date, he took Hannah aside to "clarify" what happened on her one-on-one with Garrett and express how he felt about it. He began by referring to her body as "a temple," then cited her nude bungee jumping as "a slap in the face"; he concluded by divulging that he's no longer "confident" that he wants her to meet his family now. When Hannah reacted poorly to this, he put his foot farther in his mouth by trying to win her back, claiming that he'll always stick by her whenever she makes "boneheaded mistakes."

'You Don't Own My Body': Hannah B Slams Luke P. Over Sexist Comments www.youtube.com

Still mulling over the alarming conversation with Luke, Hannah decided to sit down with him on the day of the cocktail party. She addressed her concerns, which included the language he used, calling her nude bungee jumping a "boneheaded mistake" and using his family against her. But, all that aside, Hannah informed Luke P. that at this point, he shouldn't even be concerned with what goes on in her other relationships because, "You're not my husband. You don't own my body. You don't own me. It's my body." Luke P. claimed that she completely misunderstood him. He told her that she might not be remembering everything correctly and that she was twisting his language. Luke P. backtracking in such a manipulative and outright dishonest fashion furthers the argument that he's not only a pathological liar, but downright emotionally abusive.

Their interaction seems to be only the beginning of what's to come. The Bachelorette has teased Hannah's iconic line, "I have had sex and Jesus still loves me!" for weeks now and recently revealed Luke P. is on the receiving end of the sentiment. It's obvious that the narrative around sex and religion will come to a head this season, which will hopefully put The Bachelor franchise's slut-shaming to bed. As much as the franchise supposedly tries to uplift their "independent" women, the Bachelorette constantly has to reassure the men, reassert her strength, and defend her actions: a phenomenon that will most likely persist, since it appears that many men still can't understand that a woman's body belongs only to her.

Recently, host Chris Harrison suggested that The Bachelor franchise has showcased the changing realities of dating. Alas, that's true. As much as The Bachelor franchise wants to keep up with the times, The Bachelorette still plays into damaging stereotypes about relationships, gender roles, and how some men on The Bachelorette react poorly to not controlling the female lead. Luke P. isn't the first contestant, nor will he be the last, to impose his expectations of what a woman should or should not do with her body. As such, The Bachelorette reinforces the double standard that a woman can't express the same bodily autonomy and decision-making as a man.

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Does the Bachelor Franchise Really Need Chris Harrison Anymore?

Chris Harrison may need the ABC shows more than they need him.

Chris Harrison pretending to care.

ABC

This week, Bachelor Nation expressed their frustration with the episode's odd format.

The first hour climaxed in the most spectacular fashion: Hannah let the men have it after their petty bickering; but unfortunately, we didn't see what happened next. To the fans' dismay, The Bachelorette had an hour long, mid-season recap.

Last night, like every season, the lead snapped: The "journey" became too much to handle. Usually, the moment occurs when the lead isn't getting what they want, which forces him or her to question why they're even there.

Last season, Colton went AWOL after the woman he wanted, Cassie, left the show. Despite years of on and off relevance, Chris Harrison finally had the opportunity to play a vital role. On Episode 9, Chris Harrison became the season's MVP, jogging after Colton in the Portuguese country-side, juggling two phones while trying to answer his bosses' questions, and asking the tough questions.

Typically, Harrison receives the majority of his screen-time during the show's finale and rose ceremonies. He's the Bachelor's B-grade interviewer and unqualified therapist. Throughout the more recent seasons, Harrison's purpose on the show has been questioned. Leads have become more assertive and autonomous, which has left Harrison with little to do.

As reality programs become more scripted, The Bachelor franchise embraces the slip-ups of leads and expose behind the scenes elements. Earlier this season, Hannah sought her producers' guidance about Luke P. In the moment, they persuaded her to handle it, because viewers don't care about the middle man.

However, last night, Chris Harrison appeared out of the shadows to console Hannah. He played the role the network would want: he convinced Hannah to stay, just like he accomplished with Colton last season.

The next day, Chris and Hannah sat in a cafe to discuss how she felt and if she was hopeful she'd find love. It was difficult to ignore the insincere smize that never left his face.

Since Harrison's screen-time has dwindled over recent years, it's easy to be skeptical of his presence. After little to no screen time this season, the random hour-long recap felt misplaced. The unnecessary segment offered over 18 minutes of Harrison asking questions we all knew the answer to.

Viewers groaned as they watched and tweeted, frustrated that ABC used the episode's remaining hour to review old drama only six episodes into the season. As demonstrated by the negative reactions, Harrison's useless recap reminded the audience that he's only necessary when the show is effecting the lead's emotional well-being. The producers can try to insert Chris Harrison as a confidant, but we all know he wields no true influence.

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