Whenever I watch an awards ceremony for the “biggest names in Hollywood,” I regret tuning in about 30 minutes in. It sounds like a great idea to watch The Oscars in theory, but in practice, it’s more agonizing than a low-scoring football game. Last night’s 95th Annual Academy Awards hosted by Jimmy Kimmel held us hostage and threatened to go on for almost four hours.

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In case you missed it, the less important version of the Oscars was last night! The Golden Globes were three and a half arduous hours of acceptance speeches and praise for what felt like the same three movies and shows. If you didn’t get to see the entire awards ceremony, don’t worry. I sure did. Let me catch you up.
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