Sports

Did Joe Biden Try to Have Tiger Woods Assassinated?

What do GameStop, Reddit, Tiger Woods, and Joe Biden all have in common? This insane conspiracy theory.

Update 7/15/2021: As predicted, Bishop Larry Gaiters has added another name to the Deep State Democrat's ledger of violence against Black celebrities. Along with Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant, Gaiters now claims that they targetted Chadwick Bosman.

Though this time he at least changed the script slightly by pointing to an actor rather than another athlete, the government's dark agenda is always the same: silencing Black conservatives. And what's so insidious is that they always manage to strike before anyone even knows that the celebrities in question are conservatives.

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Culture Feature

Here's What Would Have Happened in Every Major Sport This Season

The beauty of sport lies in its capacity for possibility.

The beauty of sport lies in its capacity for possibility.

Though only rarely is sport meaningfully memorable, there's always the potential that the game you're watching will matter historically. The batter walks to the box, knocking his bat on his cleats with that certain look in his eyes, and it's entirely in the realm of possibility that this is it, the home-run that goes farther than any ever has before.

In a time of frightening what-ifs, we could use the welcome and innocent unknown of sport more than ever. Alas, the seasons have been suspended or cancelled, and we are left with only our imaginations to fill in the blanks. But if our imaginations alone are going to decide the outcomes of such seasons, let's use that imagination to the fullest. Let's assume that every sport was going to have its most wild and historic season of all time. So, here are hyperbolic predictions for nearly all the major sports we won't actually get to see played this year.


National Basketball Association

The NBA never pauses play. Lebron James continues to lead the league in assists, continues to garner MVP-buzz over early-season favorite Giannis Antetokounmpo. With an eighth of the season left to play, however, many are still reluctant to cast their MVP vote for James. After all, Giannis had the highest PER (player-efficiency-rating) of all time. Of all time! Things look pre-decided.

Lebron holds a press conference with nine games left in the season, saying something along the lines of "I'm the best to do it. I'm no doubt the MVP. And I'm going to prove it." And then he proves it. Lebron goes at least 45-10-10 (points-rebounds-assists) every game until the end of the season, and copyrights the phrase Best To Do It, which gets immediately attached to shoe advertisements and Twitter bios alike. He wins MVP in a sudden landslide.


Lebron James goes up for a wind-mill dunk against the Houston Rockets NBA.com


The playoffs are otherwise a wash. Nothing else matters besides the collision course between Lebron, on a warpath, and Giannis, out to prove the doubters wrong. Both Lebron's Los Angeles Lakers and Giannis' Milwaukee Bucks sweep their first two playoff rounds, embarrassing teams by 20, 30, even 40 points. In the Conference Championships, the Lakers drop their first game to the Clippers, only to come back and win four straight. In that last game, however, Anthony Davis of the Lakers takes a hard fall and strains his back. Will he be able to play in the Finals? All anybody knows is that Giannis just went off for 60-21-8 as the Bucks beat the Boston Celtics in six games, setting up a showdown of titans.

Davis isn't coming back. He won't be cleared in time for anything but game seven, if the series even gets that far. And it doesn't look like it will. The Bucks beat the Lakers 122-100, 130-126, and 118-117 in three consecutive games. Lebron just ain't got it. Nobody's ever come back from 3-0. Khris Middleton of the Bucks says something acerbic in a presser, and fans on Twitter start making death threats, claiming he's jinxed the team.

And he's seemed to. The Bucks drop three-in-a-row, all close games, two of which go to overtime. Davis comes back in the Final game, and he helps the Lakers take a 25-point lead by the third quarter. They never let it go. The narrative around Giannis becomes dark: is he a born loser? Will he ever succeed in the NBA ? Can he be the best guy on a Championship team?

Meanwhile, Lebron gets another ring, and another MVP, and another Finals MVP. The line between him and Jordan looks cloudier than ever. Best to do it? Maybe so, after all.

Major League Baseball

The New York Yankees, Los Angeles Dodgers, Milwaukee Brewers (great fake season for Wisconsin), Cleveland Indians, and San Diego Padres all win 100 games a piece. It's the first time five teams have accomplished such a feat in League history. Meanwhile, the cheating Houston Astros lose six of their nine Opening Day starters to various injuries. Either they were intentionally hit by fastballs, or divine intervention saw fit to take them from the game: torn ACL's, hyperextended knees, groin sprains galore.

Actually, the violence surrounding the Astros becomes one of the League's great storylines. Never before has the entirety of the MLB been so united against a common enemy, and by mid-way through the season, any instance of hitting an Astros player with a pitch is punishable by a full year suspension, as per commissioner Rob Manfred.That stops most people, but not everyone. Astros game viewership skyrockets, highest in the League. Everyone wants to know who's going to get beaned next.

The Yankees break their own record for most consecutive games with a home-run, at the same time as the Dodgers' superstar pair, Mookie Betts and Cody Bellinger, become an unprecedentedly efficient duo. The two coastal powerhouses meet in the World Series, which goes to seven games. Aroldis Chapman of the Yankees gives up a home-run in the top of the 9th-inning to put the Dodgers up by two. The Yankees get one more chance, however.


Yankee Stadium in all of its glory. Yankee Stadium - Wikipedia upload.wikimedia.org


The first two batters go down swinging. Yankee Stadium is almost silent as Aaron Judge, the potential last out, comes up to the plate. Boom, he hits a solo home-run to bring the game within one run. Giancarlo Stanton, who only played half the season due to injury, does the same. And then Gary Sanchez etches his own name in Yankees history, hitting a third consecutive solo shot, lifting the Bombers over the Dodgers 6-5. It's their 28th title of all time, and perhaps the most dramatic.

The trio come to be known as the Tri-State Toreadors, and all stay with the Yankees for their next nine seasons, five of which result in championships. T-shirt sales hit unprecedented numbers.


National Hockey League

The abysmal Red Wings of Detroit don't win again for the rest of the season. With 11-games left to play, the 17-54 Red Wings just kind of roll-over and die. After their losing streak climaxes with one of hockey's longest-ever scoring droughts, the performance is deemed so bad by fans that after pouring out of Little Caesar's Arena, the Detroit crowd becomes riotous, flipping cars and breaking glass windows and looting wildly. Mike Duggan, Mayor of Detroit, declares a State of Emergency. The National Guard is called in. The NHL convenes a meeting of the owners. Citing "destructive fan tendency" but really just making good on a tacit promise made years ago to a pair of oil men in Little Rock, the league ignores the Red Wings' unprecedented 22-year-playoff streak in favor of the recency bias. The team is moved out of Michigan altogether. Stripped of city and name, they are re-christened the Arkansas Spartans. Their new logo is fittingly the omega symbol, as they are cursed by the Hockey Gods not to win another title for 75 years, when the NHL is finally splintered and moved off-planet.



All of the Detroit Red Wings' championship banners and retired jerseys hanging from the rafters. Detroit Red Wings Retired Jerseys and Championship Banners… | Flickr live.staticflickr.com


Though still a spot out of the playoffs when the season briefly stopped, the Vancouver Canucks use the short break to recover from their multitude of injuries. Vancouver superstars Elias Petterson and Quinn Hughes combine talents with recently traded-for asset Tyler Toffoli, who spins his injury-replacement role into a full-time starting gig, and the team manages to squeak by into the playoffs. And they keep on squeaking by. They win series after series by late-game goals, by overtime magic, barely overcoming opponents. Yet despite Vancouver's best efforts, the Philadelphia Flyers (Flyers coach Alain Vigneault does incredible work with a young team and, especially, a young defense. Goalie Carter Hart proves himself one of the elite goaltenders in the sport, putting on a clinic night-after-night, helping the team remain nearly unbeatable at home) best them after six hard games in the Stanley Cup Finals. "Shockingly," Philadelphia also goes up in flames. Someone steals the Liberty Bell. Eight people die. A Ticker Tape Parade is still held. Cameras catch the deceased ascending to Valhalla.


The 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics

Simone Biles performs a coterie of unseen moves that come to be known as the Simone Sequence. Each one she has created, innovated, and mastered. They're aptly named the Biles, the Biles II, the Biles III, and the Gymnast Formerly Known as the Biles. No other entrant dares attempt even a single one of them. Biles breaks her own record for gold medals won (they make a new category for her, Women's Domination, at her behest), but after the Games have ended, she bafflingly announces that she's hanging up the leotard, opting instead to focus on philanthropy. The Biles Brigade helps bring school supplies and talented teachers to under-served communities. Biles, through smart investments and evergreen accomplishment, becomes the first Olympic Billionaire. In 2036, she runs for Governor of Ohio.


Simone Biles straight flexin' at the 2016 Olympics in Rio. File:Simone Biles na Rio 2016.jpg - Wikimedia Commons upload.wikimedia.org


The Tokyo Olympics elevate Competitive Rock Climbing to the world's stage. Niche climbers and amateurs alike fall in to watch the festivities, to see what was once a hobby become a sensation. There were more of them than even they thought. Led by a resurgent performance from American climber Brooke Raboutou (following in the footsteps of Phelps and Bolt), climbing enters the public imagination. A generation of kids dream of competing in the new events themselves, not least because it looks so fun, and the forthcoming, figurative Mt. Rushmore is in need of faces. Harvard announces the country's first climbing scholarships. Yale, steeped in tradition, defies the wave. Within five years, they're excommunicated from the Ivy League, replaced by Bard College. The number of climbing gyms triple in the United States, and professional climbers become household names. Watching the 2020 Games from her home in Upstate New York, eight-year-old Connie Rodriguez dreams of becoming the youngest Olympic-climbing qualifier ever. Four years later, she does just that, landing the cover of Time Magazine, with an interview titled "World Domination, and Home in time for Supper."


Professional Golf Association

Tiger Woods wins the Masters. Again. It's one of the greatest sports stories of all time, pulling him within two of Jack Nicklaus' all-time majors record. And the specifics of the feat are even more staggering. Tiger's first two rounds are so full of mistakes he nearly misses the cut, but then he plays the two greatest rounds in Masters history, shooting a 62 followed by a 61.


Brooks Koepka answering questions next to his 2018 U.S. Open Trophy. File:Brooks Koepka with the U.S. Open Trophy.jpg - Wikimedia Commons upload.wikimedia.org


Simultaneous to Tiger's comeback, Brooks Koepka, world number three and then-leader, struggles in the final round, feeling Tiger's breath on his neck. After losing in a tense three-hole playoff, Brooks snaps his club on his knee, rips off his shirt, screams something in Latin, approaches and then assaults Tiger Woods on the green, bashing him in the face and arms repeatedly with the broken broad-side of a golf club. Koepka is sentenced to 20 years in Federal Prison for the crime, the televised trial of which draws O.J. Simpson-like press. Tiger is never able to play Golf again, but spins tragedy into accomplishment. He becomes an ambassador for the Sport, a role model for children, and a philanthropist. He sets a new record, delivering the most all-time College Commencement Addresses. The British Open is renamed the Tiger Cup. The PGA logo is changed to a silhouette of Tiger fist-pumping. He goes down as the consensus best athlete of all time. And if that weren't enough, he lives to become the oldest ever American, finally dying from heat stroke during a marathon at the age of 121. He is survived by 27 children mothered by 26 women.


NCAA Basketball Tournament

Baylor wins the women's tournament. Kansas wins the men's.

MUSIC

10 Richest Musicians of All Time

Discover which celebrity musician has the highest net worth.

Kevin Mazur--Getty Images

Musicians love money so much that they're always singing for it.

While some musicians sing in the subway for very small amounts of money, other musicians sing on big stages for whole piles of the stuff. Some of them even have a billion dollars. That's so rich! Here at Popdust, we love music and money, so we're putting them together to make a list of the richest musicians in the whole world.

10. Julio Iglesias

julio iglesias

$600 Million

Julio Iglesias is a Spanish singer and songwriter known for being the most commercially successful singer/songwriter in Continental Europe. His bank account reflects that success because it's full of sweet, sweet dough.

9. Jimmy Buffett

jimmy buffett

$600 Million

Dads love Jimmy Buffett because he sings all about cheeseburgers. But when Jimmy Buffett says "cheeseburgers," what he really means is that he has so much money.

8. Bono

bono

$700 Million

U2's Bono loves charity almost as much as he loves having loads of money. He's probably the most charitable musician in the whole world, mainly because he's always telling everyone how much money he has. It's 700 million dollars!

7. Celine Dion

celine dion

$800 Million

Celine Dion sang the big song in Titanic, which makes sense because she has a titanic amount of money! She never has to worry about sinking either, unless she's sinking into a big tub of coinage.

6. Dr. Dre

dr dre

$820 Million

In spite of his name, Dr. Dre has never received his doctorate degree. He has, however, received stacks and stacks of real fat cash.

5. Herb Alpert

herb alpert

$850 Million

We Googled Herb Alpert and, according to Wikipedia, he is "an American jazz musician most associated with the group variously known as Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass." We've never heard of them before, but he sure has a lot of moolah!

4. Madonna

madonna

$850 Million

Madonna is no virgin when it comes to having lots of money. While she may be best known for her many controversies, maybe she should be best known for being very rich.

3. P. Diddy

p diddy

$855 Million

With his own record company and a men's fashion line under his belt, it's no wonder that P. Diddy is rolling in the green.

2. Jay-Z

jay z

$1 Billion

Jay-Z is extra rich because he's not just a rapper, he's also a music mogul. Even better, he's married to Beyonce, and if the two pooled their money together, they'd even be able to buy the #1 spot on this list!

1. Paul McCartney

paul mccartney

$1.2 Billion

Paul McCartney from The Beatles has the most money of any musician. He could even buy two of the smaller musicians if he wanted, like Jimmy Buffet and maybe Bruce Springsteen. who didn't even make this list.

CULTURE

TIME's "100 Most Influential People" Is the High School Yearbook from Hell

The celebrity write-ups are gold mines of half-hearted praise, quasi-poetry, and strange streams of consciousness that make your embarrassing yearbook comments look good.

Financial Times

Time's list of today's 100 most influential people reads like a high school yearbook from a Jordan Peele horror flick.

We have the popular kids at Brie Larson's table in the cafeteria, science club nerds (the Harvard astronomers who invented the Event Horizon Telescope) eating alone, theater kids (Sandra Oh and Lady Gaga) rehearsing for the school play during lunch, band geeks (BTS) playing loud and terrible music, and the school bullies (you know who we're talking about) peeing into the radiator.

Time says its annual list spotlights "a community of hundreds of global leaders, many of whom support and challenge one another. And at a time when so many of our problems require cross-disciplinary solutions, they are also uniquely positioned to effect change." Dan Macsai, editorial director of the TIME 100 added, "When you connect extraordinary people, they can do even more extraordinary things."

Each name on the list is lauded in a short write up by a personage of equal or greater magnitude. And like messages scribbled on your high school yearbook from people who don't even like you, they're weird as fuck. From Justin Timberlake praising Tiger Woods' 15th championship as "a dream come true. For Tiger. For all of us" to Chris Christie lauding Donald Trump's "supreme confidence in his own ability to persuade others to make a deal," the write-ups are gold mines of half-hearted praise, quasi-poetry, and strange streams of consciousness.

Here's an honest look at the TIME 100 list breaking down the various cliques, from cool kids to egomaniacal bullies, that represent 2019's most "influential" adults.

Popular Kids

popdust brie larson time 100 Avengers, Seoul, South Korea - 15 Apr 2019 WWD.com

Brie Larson: "The first time I met her, she was taking a breather outside of an annual adult prom; the next time, she was hosting a conversation (complete with graphs and a PowerPoint presentation) about the lack of representation in film. She has a huge capacity for both joy and serious work." —Tessa Thompson

Chrissy Teigen: "She may be a top model, but all her life, Chrissy Teigen has liked to eat. She's not shy about that—or anything else, really. She's very opinionated, and I love her for it." —Eric Ripert

Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez: "A year ago, she was taking orders across a bar. Today, millions are taking cues from her." —Elizabeth Warren

Theater/Art Freaks

emilia clarke popdust time 100 Emilia ClarkeImgur

Emilia Clarke: "She has the courage of a small lion, the stamina of a Welsh pit pony and the soul of a clown. A powerhouse to watch and an ally to die for." —Emma Thompson

Sandra Oh: "She treats dialogue like notes of music—every word must be played, every syllable correctly toned. She's always been an extraordinary actor" —Shonda Rhimes

Regina King: "It's like they say: what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly. I think Regina is morphing into the most beautiful butterfly." —Viola Davis

Geeks

popdust top 100 zuckerberg Mark ZuckerbergForbes

Shep Doeleman: "People like pictures. In a triumph of technology, ingenuity, and perseverance, we can at last see a black hole, with the promise of further insights in the future [thanks to] Harvard astronomer Sheperd Doeleman and his team of 200 researchers working on the Event Horizon Telescope." —Lisa Randall

Mark Zuckerberg: "My hope is that he remains true to the ideals upon which the company was founded—choosing to promote universal values like decency over sensationalism, intimacy over social status, and human dignity over tribalism—or in Zuckspeak, simply: 'goodness.'" —Sean Parker

Robert Mueller: "Distinctly apolitical, he confounds those who can't comprehend a person driven by his all too uncommon values: honor, integrity, humility, service...Abhorring self-promotion, while the country held its collective breath during his nearly two-year investigation, Mueller uttered not a single public word. And when he finished, he called it as he saw it. He did his duty." —Sally Yates

Class Clowns

popdust time 100 ninja Harvard Crimson


Hasan Minhaj: "See, Hasan is a first-generation, Indian-American Muslim. But Hasan also loves the NBA, struggles with a "crippling" sneaker habit and speaks fluent hip-hop." —Trevor Noah

Ninja: "I was among the millions of people all across the world who had been watching Ninja (real name: Tyler Blevins) play Fortnite, the popular video game, every day for months. He was the unquestioned best in the world at his craft…" —Juju Smith-Schuster

Jocks

popdust lebron james time 100 The Hollywood Reporter

Tiger Woods: On April 14 in Augusta, GA….Tiger won his 15th career major—and first in 11 years—capping arguably the greatest comeback in sports history. What a dream come true. For Tiger. For all of us." —Justin Timberlake

Lebron James: "I first met LeBron James more than a decade ago, when we filmed a skit for a Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting. I beat him in basketball in the video, so it was clearly comedy." —Warren Buffett

Band Geeks

Popdust BTS time 100 BTSWAE K-POP


BTS: "For BTS, world domination is just another 8-count in the contemporary dance of life." —Halsey

Taylor Swift: "She's the master of putting the perfect amount of thought into not overthinking, and that's why her music connects so well." —Shawn Mendes

Khalid: "He has a full, powerful voice that is somehow unassuming and smooth at the same time. He's accessible—almost like you've met somebody like him before, although there's nobody else like him." —Alicia Keys

Ariana Grande: "I've always thought the world is privy to actual, genuine emotion—be it heartbreak, empathy, generosity, resilience, strength—and I believe that's exactly why the world keeps falling deeper in love with Ariana."—Troye Sivan

Bullies

popdust time 100 brett kavanaugh Mashable

Donald Trump: "President Trump deserves great credit for daring to try to personally persuade Chairman Kim to join the family of nations. This approach holds the possibility for history-making changes on the Korean Peninsula to make us all safer." —Chris Christie

Brett Kavanaugh: "[W]hen unhinged partisanship and special interests sought to distract the Senate from considering those qualifications, we saw...facets of Justice Kavanaugh's character shine forth...We saw his undeterred reverence for the law, for precedents, and for our nation's highest traditions." —Mitch McConnell

Mitch McConnell: "One person has done more to defuse these crises time and again than any other individual in American government...My friend Mitch McConnell is that leader. Whatever your politics or ideological inclinations may be, you and your family have been the beneficiaries of his experienced leadership in a challenging moment in our country's history." —John Boehner


Meg Hanson is a Brooklyn-based writer, teacher, and jaywalker. Find Meg at her website and on Twitter @megsoyung.


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Niall Horan was honored to be asked to caddy for Rory McIlroy at a practice contest ahead of this weekend's golf Masters at the stunningly beautiful course, Augusta, Georgia.

The 21 year old superstar One Directioner proudly shared a photo on social media of him and McIlroy before the pair headed out to the course.

Oh the embarrassment then, when Rory stopped to have a quick word with a TV interviewer and Niall was wrong footed and slipped over!

He looked like he was about to cry as he picked himself up—you can bet that Rory didn't let it go though—the Northern Irishman is well known for his sense of humor and joked that he had deliberately given Niall the heavy bag of clubs to carry!

Still, they soon got down to business and Niall even took a shot off the first tee (which sadly he put straight in the water).

Tiger Woods was there too with girlfriend Lindsay Vonn and his kids and golfing legend Jack Nicklaus even hit a hole in one!

The real battle starts on Thursday and we're thinking maybe Rory will be assisted by his regular caddy??