Julia Rose

JASON SZENES/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock

On Sunday, Julia Rose and Lauren Summer—which are definitely their real names—made headlines when they flashed their breasts during the live broadcast of game 5 of the World Series.

While they didn't get quite as much attention as certain other attendees, they got enough to earn themselves lifetime bans from MLB events.



As far as I'm concerned, that's all great. Nudity is wonderful, being proud of your body is wonderful, and being an agent of chaos on live TV is among the best uses of anyone's time. But as it turns out, these women had much higher ideals in mind when they showed the world their breasts. They were apparently raising awareness for breast cancer, which, in case you weren't aware, is a type of cancer that occurs in the breast tissue and predominantly affects women. You probably hadn't heard of it before, because this is pretty much the first attempt at getting the word out—and there is no reason to think that awareness campaigns are the wrong approach entirely—but now that these women pulled up their tops at the World Series, you're finally aware, and you have the tools to contribute to prevention and treatment.



Oh, and they were also protesting the double standard that treats women's chests as fundamentally sexual objects, that need to be censored, while men are free to have their torsos exposed to the world without shame or fanfare. It's a fair point and the focus of the Free the Nipple campaign, which Julia Rose connects to their efforts. You can tell that this issue is particularly dear to these women because of the consistent effort they put into desexualizing their breasts. Almost every picture on their respective social media accounts practically screams, "It's just a chest, people! Get over it!"



Oh, and I almost forgot that they are also promoting Rose's digital magazine, SHAGMAG, which promises "SEX, BOOBS, SPORTS, UPCOMING ARTISTS & ENTREPRENEURS and a bunch of other fun surprises" and which Rose promotes as "the Millennial Playboy." It certainly sounds like the sort of place where you would find thoughtful discussion of feminist theory and women's issues.

Rose's mission statement puts it succinctly: "I wanted to create a (?)place that was fun but one that still had meaning. There is nothing wrong with sex and nudity, and wanting more of it but I definitely think our generation needs more of a voice. There are all these beautiful instagram models but who are they really? Who are the upcoming innovators and creators, and what the actual f*ck is going on in the world? So many questions and now there is an answer: SHAGMAG."



So… seriously? Obviously sex sells, and it's a recognized feature of our society that attractive young women can make solid careers out of selling it. If that's what they want to do, there's nothing to stop them, and there are some serious feminist arguments to be made for finding empowerment in the embrace of sexuality. But what does this half-assed veneer of selfless motives do for anyone?

Is your audience drawn in by the promise that SHAGMAG will explain "what the actual f*ck is going on in the world?" Or do they just want to look at some naked women? The entire business model is based on teasing at the edges of Instagram's nudity policy, so they can offer "exclusive and uncensored content" behind a paywall. So why bother appropriating Free the Nipple as your purpose—or breast cancer, for that matter—unless your goal is specifically to undermine the people who take these causes seriously?



As usual, the answer is probably to get people like me to write about it, and people like you to read about it, and it's clearly working well. Rose claims that SHAGMAG has already received $10,000 in new subscriptions, and she's planning future topless stunts.

Somehow it seems doubtful that any of that money is going to breast cancer research, but wouldn't it at least be nice if the shame of exploiting a good cause outweighed the temptation to draw in that extra attention? With that said, if you really want to pay a monthly fee to see an Instagram model naked, please consider any of the thousands of others who won't pretend they're being activists.

TV

What Franchise Will "Game of Thrones" Showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss Ruin Next?

What's next for the geniuses behind the "lady-folks and jocks" model of human interest?

D B Weiss and David Benioff

Joanne Davidson/Shutterstock

When I learned that Game of Thrones alum David Benioff co-wrote X-Men Origins: Wolverine–the movie that portrayed the 4th-wall-breaking antihero Deadpool as a skinhead with his mouth sewn shut–it made a lot of sense.

After all, Benioff and his GOT co-showrunner D.B. Weiss have a proven knack for treating beloved franchises like sh*t.

Finally breaking their silence after the overwhelmingly negative fan reception to the Game of Thrones series finale, Benioff & Weiss participated in a, quite frankly, baffling panel at Austin Film Festival. One Twitter user live-tweeted the discussion, wherein Benioff & Weiss almost seemed to brag about how inexperienced they were going into the project and how little respect they showed to the source material.

Highlights include Benioff & Weiss removing fantasy elements from the...you know...fantasy series in order to better appeal to "mothers" and "NFL players."


Then, right after revealing their ingenious "lady-folks and jocks" model of human interest, Benioff and Weiss abandoned the massive Star Wars project they were planning to helm in favor of their massive two million dollar deal at Netflix. But while this is certainly a boon for Star Wars fans, whose beloved franchise is now safe from the dull-blade hands of the two biggest hacks in Hollywood, it begs the question: What other franchises are now at risk of being destroyed by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss?

The Legend of Zelda

the legend of zeldaNintendo

There have long been rumors that beloved Nintendo franchise, The Legend of Zelda, will be adapted for Netflix by Castlevania producer Adi Shankar. And while not everyone loves the idea of Zelda getting turned into a TV show by anyone, Castlevania is an incredibly promising example of a great animated adaptation of a great video game franchise.

But the problem with rumors is that they're unconfirmed, so here's a worst case scenario that still exists within the distinct realm of possibility:

Netflix really is putting out a show based on The Legend of Zelda, but it's being run by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. Worst of all, Benioff and Weiss subscribe to a particularly venomous brand of awful whereby their work initially seems great and competent, only to sh*t all over itself halfway through once you're already invested. In other words, Benioff and Weiss aim to truly waste your time, getting you excited and then crushing all your hopes and dreams with terrible writing and ridiculous plotting.

Their Zelda adaptation would probably follow Link and Zelda as they wage battle against the evil Ganondorf in order to save Hyrule. We'd spend the first half of the story experiencing Link and Zelda's growth as characters, juxtaposed with Ganondorf's descent into madness as he's built up into an unstoppable foe. Then, halfway through, Ganondorf would get anticlimactically murdered by Tingle, who would then become the God-Emperor of Hyrule, much to everyone's chagrin. The next four seasons would follow Tingle as he romances Epona the horse and opens a pie shop. Benioff and Weiss would probably think this was a good idea, because there are too many Zelda games for them to properly draw themes from, and "a man in spandex having sex with a horse" would probably really speak to them on a visceral level.

Naruto

NarutoShueisha


In a lot of ways, the beloved anime/manga series Naruto is right up Benioff and Weiss' alley: It's an epic saga spanning many years (and even generations), it has a rich lore full of deep characters and tactical battles, and best of all, Naruto is full of things that, if done incorrectly, could turn the story into an absolute trainwreck––the ol' Benioff and Weiss specialty.

In their version of Naruto, just like in the original, we would meet our plucky ninja hero as a young boy. The first season would follow him through Ninja school and his first few missions, his rivalry with Sasuke, his unrequited love for Sakura, and finally his confrontation with the mysterious killer assassin Zabuza and the real world of ninjas––a world full of violence and bloodshed.

Except in the Benioff and Weiss telling, subsequent seasons would shift perspective to a singing ninja (a bard, if you will) played by Ed Sheeran, who travels the ninja world showing his genitals to townsfolk and sometimes using ninjutsu to molest the women. That would be it. No more Naruto becoming a ninja; this isn't about Naruto. What, the fans wanted Naruto? Sorry, this is meant to appeal to a more general audience, namely "sexual predators." Benioff and Weiss won't be reading the Internet comments either, because what the fans want doesn't matter and they'd rather not have their feelings hurt.

Star Wars

Darth Vader20th Century Fox

What if: PSYCHE! Benioff and Weiss really are coming back to Star Wars; they just made you think they weren't, so you wouldn't be mad.

Imagine it's time for the new Star Wars movie, and oh boy, you nerds better be prepared for some crazy lightsaber action. Benioff and Weiss' Star Wars introduces us to a brand new Sith Lord, Darth Phallus, who uses his evil force powers to forcibly have sex with Stormtroopers during every exposition scene. This is because Benioff and Weiss aren't very good writers, and they hope that watching Darth Phallus assault Stormtroopers will make their shoddy dialogue seem edgy or something. But it's not, and there are no battles. This is just three 2-hour movies dedicated to an unhinged man raping Stormtroppers. Eat your hearts out, Star Wars fans, Benioff and Weiss are back!

But for now, the pair have wisely stepped away to focus on their deal with Netflix. Beware.