Since his election in 2016, Donald Trump's presidency has produced some very unlikely heroes of the #resistance.
Among them: the Republican former FBI director who probably lost Hillary Clinton the election, an anonymous clout-chaser within the Trump White House, and the jingoistic former Secretary of Defense. But perhaps none of these "heroes" are as unlikely as George Conway, not least of all because he cuts such a particularly unheroic figure, holding his wife's fur coat, with a gerbilish smile between two hamsteresque cheeks. While the lionized Robert Meuller, with his lantern jaw, surprised the viewing public when, at his long-awaited hearing, he sounded like an ordinary old man, I doubt anyone would be surprised to learn that George Conway speaks entirely in Furbish. Even Kellyanne would probably take that one in stride.
Speaking of taking things in stride, how has Kellyanne kept going in both her career and her marriage with all this insanity? She's certainly no stranger to navigating sensitive situations with little regard for harsh realities, but can you imagine your famous boss publicly referring to your spouse as the "husband from hell?" Or your husband saying that you're in a cult, then quote-tweeting you specifically to undermine you while you're doing your job? Kellyanne Conway works as Senior Counselor to President Trump, all while her husband amasses hundreds of thousands of followers on Twitter, exclusively by insulting, criticizing, and calling out that same President Trump. The tension of it all is clearly draining Kellyanne of her life force, so why is there still no sign of a divorce or a resignation in the offing?
And it's not as though George is simply upholding his long-held political stance. He was a Republican up until 2018, when he changed his affiliation to Independent and was actually considered for two separate positions in the White House. He was still voicing his support for Trump through June of 2017. Is he just angry that he was passed over? Maybe Trump made one of his famously catty remarks about George's looks, and George couldn't take the heat—a man who uses a flattering courtroom sketch as his avatar clearly has some insecurities about his looks. Or maybe George and Kellyanne have some kind of Carville-Matalin-style strategy to cement themselves in the news for the long term. They don't want their celebrity to be contingent on Trump's continued success, so they play both sides of the issues and stay in the headlines.
Kellyanne warding off her husband's attacksGetty Images
That certainly makes more sense than the idea that Kellyanne can tell a reporter that her husband's tweets are disrespectful and "a violation of basic decency, certainly, if not marital vows," but then ask for the comment to be anonymous and go home to an adoring husband who spends his days thinking of how best to cause chaos in her workplace—up to and including penning an op-ed for The Atlantic entitled "Unfit for Office.entitled "Unfit for Office." Does it make any sense that Kellyanne would call a reporter to berate her for mentioning George's tweets, and say, "He gets his power through me, if you haven't noticed. Not the other way around," if there was any warmth or love left between them?
Clearly there's something sneaky going on here. Clearly the reason the two are still together despite the appearance of so much hostility between them is because that hostility is orchestrated as part of their joint plans for continued relevance… Because the only other explanation is that it's all part of some weird sex game, the mere thought of which seeds mortal minds with a suffocating dread that can never be uprooted. God help us all.